If you've read any of my early post you might've gotten the sense that I favor white women over black women. I can't lie, for a while I did. At least what I knew of white women at the time I did. I have a new perspective, anecdotal albeit, on white women. A frightening trend has begun to develop in my world as I engage both black and white women.
In earlier post, I applauded the general culture of white women over the general culture of black women as it pertains specifically to romantic relationships. I was giving white women, their culture at least, it's due because they did not seem to bring the type of unrealistic pressures and expectations to a relationship that black women did. White women seemed to be able to except men just as they were. They didn't seem pushy, but supportive. They didn't seem judgemental, but understanding. They didn't seem to be all about the Benjamin's....well at least not in the same way.
If you talk to the sistah's, they will generally let you know that there will be no romance without finance. When I talk to sistah's they all seem to comment on how they want a man with "ambition, goals, and drive." I often ask the question if goals and ambition must be realized or just present in the man's life? The conversation normally falls apart at that point. Nevertheless, I'm pretty hard on my black sistah's because of this focus on the external materialism.
Lately, I've come across white women that don't mention finance on the front end of the discussion but it's definitely present if you read between the lines. I first noticed it when white women would comment on how great a guy is that they have in their life and how he wants to marry them. Despite the man's greatness, the women were leary to move forward. When I dug deeper, they would finally come clean with the truth-IT'S ABOUT THE FINANCES.
In these cases it seems to be more about the personal finances of the woman as opposed to the finances of the man. These women were concerned about the possibility of personal loss. It might seem more noble to be concerned about your own money instead of "his" money, but I don't find solace in either perspective. If you are on the other side of the coin, protecting your assets, you have simply given justification to the concern men have for gold digging women. If you're on the other side, looking to make a come up on the man, then you're simply a gold digger.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Women were turning down love, or at least putting it on hold, because of their personal balance sheets. I didn't know women did that (naivete on my part). What might be worse, is the fact that if these men were men of considerable means, these women's concern for their own personal financial safety would not longer be an issue. Hence, they are gold diggers. Just diggers on a higher level because of what they bring to the table.
Add to this issue the fact that many of these women have been married before and have little or no interest in the institution, makes for an even more complicated romance maze. Those previously married seem to treat men as though they were disposable. They have a "take it or leave it" attitude about relationships. They really can't explain their stance except to say, "My heart is black." I have a bit of a theory on this based on economics.
The economic mobility of women has created a climate in which women make equal or greater funds than men. Add to that the fact that women can acceptably live at home at near any age, tend to get a great deal more support from parents, have a plethora of social programs including scholarships and the like, and if men are still men-have their meals paid for while on dates, women are in a strong economic position. Since women don't need a man to balance the household spreadsheet, men are now an expendable pleasure.
I give sistah's their due because even the most well off sishah seems to still desire love and marriage in their life. This seems to be a cultural piece lost on my Caucasian sisters. White women are moving towards a "one and done" mentality. That means if you're not first in line, you might as well not be in line at all. It's a sad place to be in a many ways. Either you get first dibs, you deal with the pressure and attitude, or you succumb to a life of no commitment and every changing bed fellows. Not much of a choice if you ask me.
In earlier post, I applauded the general culture of white women over the general culture of black women as it pertains specifically to romantic relationships. I was giving white women, their culture at least, it's due because they did not seem to bring the type of unrealistic pressures and expectations to a relationship that black women did. White women seemed to be able to except men just as they were. They didn't seem pushy, but supportive. They didn't seem judgemental, but understanding. They didn't seem to be all about the Benjamin's....well at least not in the same way.
If you talk to the sistah's, they will generally let you know that there will be no romance without finance. When I talk to sistah's they all seem to comment on how they want a man with "ambition, goals, and drive." I often ask the question if goals and ambition must be realized or just present in the man's life? The conversation normally falls apart at that point. Nevertheless, I'm pretty hard on my black sistah's because of this focus on the external materialism.
Lately, I've come across white women that don't mention finance on the front end of the discussion but it's definitely present if you read between the lines. I first noticed it when white women would comment on how great a guy is that they have in their life and how he wants to marry them. Despite the man's greatness, the women were leary to move forward. When I dug deeper, they would finally come clean with the truth-IT'S ABOUT THE FINANCES.
In these cases it seems to be more about the personal finances of the woman as opposed to the finances of the man. These women were concerned about the possibility of personal loss. It might seem more noble to be concerned about your own money instead of "his" money, but I don't find solace in either perspective. If you are on the other side of the coin, protecting your assets, you have simply given justification to the concern men have for gold digging women. If you're on the other side, looking to make a come up on the man, then you're simply a gold digger.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Women were turning down love, or at least putting it on hold, because of their personal balance sheets. I didn't know women did that (naivete on my part). What might be worse, is the fact that if these men were men of considerable means, these women's concern for their own personal financial safety would not longer be an issue. Hence, they are gold diggers. Just diggers on a higher level because of what they bring to the table.
Add to this issue the fact that many of these women have been married before and have little or no interest in the institution, makes for an even more complicated romance maze. Those previously married seem to treat men as though they were disposable. They have a "take it or leave it" attitude about relationships. They really can't explain their stance except to say, "My heart is black." I have a bit of a theory on this based on economics.
The economic mobility of women has created a climate in which women make equal or greater funds than men. Add to that the fact that women can acceptably live at home at near any age, tend to get a great deal more support from parents, have a plethora of social programs including scholarships and the like, and if men are still men-have their meals paid for while on dates, women are in a strong economic position. Since women don't need a man to balance the household spreadsheet, men are now an expendable pleasure.
I give sistah's their due because even the most well off sishah seems to still desire love and marriage in their life. This seems to be a cultural piece lost on my Caucasian sisters. White women are moving towards a "one and done" mentality. That means if you're not first in line, you might as well not be in line at all. It's a sad place to be in a many ways. Either you get first dibs, you deal with the pressure and attitude, or you succumb to a life of no commitment and every changing bed fellows. Not much of a choice if you ask me.
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