I'd like to say that all of my anger has subsided toward my ex. That's not quite the case. However, I can say that much of the anger has receded. While discussing an issue about our children this past week I could hear the emotion in her voice and I felt such compassion for her. I didn't seek to console her or communicate my empathy. I just felt it in my body. Truth is, I prayed for her after the phone call. I haven't done that in forever.
It was a strange happening. I actually wanted good things for her. I wanted her stress/despair to come to an end. This wasn't the case just a few weeks ago. Some things will never be the same. Some things can't be repaired. Like Humpty Dumpty, you just can't put this one back together again. What appears to be restored is my humanity toward her and the recognition of our frail make up as people.
I recognize that given the right conditions most of us are capable of doing almost anything. Things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes we experience emotions and thoughts that we can't really explain. I'm moving to a place where I can forgive my ex for her actions. Love is like energy...it can't be destroyed, it can only change forms. I hope that my love moves me to a point of no more anger.
By your side, through tears, fears, rage, hatred, bitterness, and abject bewilderment God has drawn you through the haze, and into the reality that His Love will never fail you. Hold your head high and know that your ability to smile again is His reward for your pain and loss. Love will find it's way into your heart again...!
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