I'M SORRY

During the course of this past year I have been on a roller coaster of emotion, thought, and action. I was furious with the results of my previous life and I sought to do something completely different from who I am in personality and character. I wanted payback. I wanted revenge. I wanted to satisfy my passions and desires, be they good or bad.

Such living is not who I am. I'm fully capable but it takes work on my part. I have a conscience and empathy for others. In order to live to satisfy my own needs and desires I have to think only of myself. That's not who I am. Yet, I pushed beyond myself and let my pain lead the way. During that time I have cause pain to a few women. Women whom I had no intentions of harming. Women of whom I had nothing against.

I'm sorry for my actions. I wish I could claim ignorance in its truest sense. I can't. I knew what was to come. I knew where things would be going. I knew that physical encounters reveal or lead to emotional attachment. I ignored what I knew to be true. I was selfish in my conquest. I was enjoying myself and that was all that mattered. Unfortunately, in reality that isn't all that matters. People matter. Hearts matter. Feelings matter.

I am sorry for what I have done. The pain I have caused. The hearts I have broken. I'm contrite for my actions. There is no defense for them. I hope not to cause harm to anymore in this way. In my relenting and removal from their lives I'm causing pain. I know myself. I know my temptations and desires. Continued contact would get the best of me. I can't say this change is forever. I just know it's for now. I'm sorry.