With the new CBA (collective bargaining agreement) in place in the NFL it's fitting that I would call myself the "quarterback" of love. This isn't to say that I'm an expert in the game. Nor is it to say that I've got hall of fame credentials. And, I certainly don't have QB money, not even college level QB cash. What it does say is that I seem to have a skill all good quarterbacks have. Let me explain.
One of the toughest things a quarterback has to do is look off a defender. In other words, the QB has to appear to look as though he is throwing a ball one way when he is in fact throwing it somewhere else. This is done to keep the defending team from interfering with the pass. This is the skill I have when it comes to relationships. People are always thrown off by what they think I'm doing and by what I'm really doing.
Rumors abound and much talk has been made of me and a young attractive woman. Folks have been bold in their assertion of my attraction and intentions with this young lady. They have told others that I'm "after her." They have also said to me, "Why don't you get that girls number?" I just laugh and tell them I'm a coward. It does me no harm at all for others to think I have an attraction to a beautiful woman and even less damage that they think I have a chance.
Truth be told, I have an interest as any man has an interest in a beautiful woman. Yet, this woman is not my focus and although people have made up their minds I'll be walking her over the threshold, we're just cordial friends. My real target has gone largely undetected. That's been the case for all of my life. I take a certain pride in it because it shows that I have some ability to control my emotions.
It has been a problem at times as women I have zero interest in think I'm coming on to them. While at the same time, women I have a deep interest in have no clue. Nevertheless (love that word), it is who I am and I have no intentions of changing. As of now, it's working in my favor. I'll let you know if I get busted. Until then and going forward you can call me the QB of Love!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
SHE'S INCREDIBLE
So, a while back I wrote a post about rejection. Included in that post was not one, but two separate incidents of rejection. Or, so I thought. One of the wood be rejections was at the hands of a young lady I've been pursuing for months now. She didn't say "no." She said, "Maybe." This maybe was accompanied by a bunch of hurdles that would need to be addressed before it became a "yes." I just figured that her "maybe" was a nice way of saying "no." Turns out I was wrong.
At the advise of a friend of mine, who happens to be in sales, I did not throw in the towel. Instead, I informed the young lady I would be asking her out every week on Tuesday's. It became kind of a joke after a while. I had no expectation of her ever saying yes as I had not overcome the other criteria. Nevertheless, I continued on. In an attempt to spice things up I purchased her a "hello" you've been on my mind type of card. That would seem to have been the clincher.
It wasn't that week that she said yes, but instead the week after. I was so surprised I didn't know what to do with myself. Some things you've been working so hard to get that you can't believe you've actually made it. This was one of those situations. After the fight to get her to say yes came the fight to actually go out. Once going out was settled, making it a pleasing event was all that was on my mind.
I was anxious that I would fail miserably and she wouldn't want to go out with me again after saying yes. Thank God, this was not the case. We met at an Irish Pub and hung out for four hours straight, talking, laughing, drinking...It was an absolute ball! What's even better, when I escorted her to her vehicle she told me that she didn't have any idea how late it was until she got in her car. That was a comforting sign that she wasn't watching the clock at all.
I must say that is had to have been one the greatest dates I've ever been on. I was relaxed, lacked self-consciousness, and had an amazing time. I give her credit for that. She likes me the way I am. No need to posture or put on a front. SHE'S INCREDIBLE. Needless to say, I can't wait to see her again. I'm trying to show restraint and hold back. It's tough when you've come across such a great person and you're trying to secure their heart. I can play it cool though (even if I don't have to).
At the advise of a friend of mine, who happens to be in sales, I did not throw in the towel. Instead, I informed the young lady I would be asking her out every week on Tuesday's. It became kind of a joke after a while. I had no expectation of her ever saying yes as I had not overcome the other criteria. Nevertheless, I continued on. In an attempt to spice things up I purchased her a "hello" you've been on my mind type of card. That would seem to have been the clincher.
It wasn't that week that she said yes, but instead the week after. I was so surprised I didn't know what to do with myself. Some things you've been working so hard to get that you can't believe you've actually made it. This was one of those situations. After the fight to get her to say yes came the fight to actually go out. Once going out was settled, making it a pleasing event was all that was on my mind.
I was anxious that I would fail miserably and she wouldn't want to go out with me again after saying yes. Thank God, this was not the case. We met at an Irish Pub and hung out for four hours straight, talking, laughing, drinking...It was an absolute ball! What's even better, when I escorted her to her vehicle she told me that she didn't have any idea how late it was until she got in her car. That was a comforting sign that she wasn't watching the clock at all.
I must say that is had to have been one the greatest dates I've ever been on. I was relaxed, lacked self-consciousness, and had an amazing time. I give her credit for that. She likes me the way I am. No need to posture or put on a front. SHE'S INCREDIBLE. Needless to say, I can't wait to see her again. I'm trying to show restraint and hold back. It's tough when you've come across such a great person and you're trying to secure their heart. I can play it cool though (even if I don't have to).
RUNS LIKE WATER
Life is tremendously ironic. It has a way of making fun of you with little to no effort whatsoever. I'm being laughed at on the regular. As has been the case throughout most of my life, I have run into the problem of empty pockets. I honestly have only had about 2-3 years of financial peace and prosperity since I left my grandparents home some 16 years ago. That's pitiful.
Lately, money runs through my fingers like water. This isn't because I'm on some super duper spending spree like the government. It's not because my date card is full and I'm flipping the bill for fine young ladies to keep me company. It's not that I'm a lazy single man and I eat out daily, cause that's only half the time. It's not even a lack of drive or motivation to work. I'm applying for part time/full time positions and picking up as much overtime as I can.
I'm a gadget guy but only in passing. So, my money's not going out the door to Best Buy or Sharper Image (if that even exist anymore). When I look over my bank statements there is actually very little activity. That makes the process all the more upsetting as my money goes so short. I shop at discount stores, never buy clothes, hardly go out, and I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner at home (most of the time). So, what is it that's poking holes in my pockets?
First, it's the car I drive. I bought an 03' Ford Windstar a few years back as I had a family of four and thought it was the practical thing to do. Now I'm a single man with little use for a full sized vehicle. Gas prices are a killer as it cost me upwards of a $100 to fill up. And, I work 30 minutes away from home. Say hello to huge hole #1!
Second, it's these damn utilities! Heating cost during the winter in the MidWest are monstrous. Having been hit with a pretty hard winter I find myself continuing to pay for gas I used nearly six months ago. I just love that. Not to mention, the gas company has tried to attach additional fees in the range of $100 a pop for no particular reason other than that I don't pay my bill on time. Boy, that makes sense! Charge the guy that is struggling to pay more money cause that'll help him get it together. Needless to say, I'm still in the hole to old man winter. Say hello to hole #2!
Third, the cost of owning a home. Maybe a month or two back I happen to be in my basement when I noticed that there was as stream of water running from my hot water tank to my drain. That slow but steady leak has kept my water bill high. It's a catch 22 as I don't have the money to replace the tank and it's a struggle to get it because I have to keep the water on. Murphy's Law is in full swing here! Say hello to hole #3!
Fourth, my profession. I have chosen to work in the social service field. There is little to no money in this field save the few leadership spots at the top. Don't get me wrong I could handle a leadership spot with relative ease (handle the check even better). However, it's a game of politics. Despite my great work ethic, numerous compliments for inside and outside my agency (including families, clients, and county officials) there is no promotion anywhere in sight. Add to that the goofy rules on classification (where someone who was in the right place at the right time has a higher classification than I do even though I have significantly greater clinical experience) and it's a frustrating process. No money, no movement, no go. Say hello to hole #4.
Fifth, my own mismanagement of funds. There was a time in life, actually two times, where I have handled money very well. Bills were paid, credit was good, and there was something left over. Such times put me in a place to buy my home, support a family solely on my income, and invest for the future. Those times are long gone. Once I made a move to help people through a life of social service my income took a hit it has yet to recover from. I took a hit and major depression took hold. Responsibility was not at the forefront of my thoughts. I barely wanted to live much less do anything productive. I've blown considerable resources that could have kept me out of this mess. Unfortunately, when you don't want to live you give little thought to the future. Say hello to hole #5.
I'm trying desperately to fix my finances. I've applied and continue to apply for second jobs. Heck, if I could make the hours work I'd apply for a second full-time job. I want to rid myself of debt, fix my credit (though I have no plans of using it), get myself prepared for the next long term relationship, and sleep in peace knowing my finances are in order. Problem is, the economy sucks and the companies I've applied to that look promising are slow to hire. Hence, my incredible frustration. Well, I guess there's a silver lining, I don't have to worry about drowning (at least not in money).
Lately, money runs through my fingers like water. This isn't because I'm on some super duper spending spree like the government. It's not because my date card is full and I'm flipping the bill for fine young ladies to keep me company. It's not that I'm a lazy single man and I eat out daily, cause that's only half the time. It's not even a lack of drive or motivation to work. I'm applying for part time/full time positions and picking up as much overtime as I can.
I'm a gadget guy but only in passing. So, my money's not going out the door to Best Buy or Sharper Image (if that even exist anymore). When I look over my bank statements there is actually very little activity. That makes the process all the more upsetting as my money goes so short. I shop at discount stores, never buy clothes, hardly go out, and I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner at home (most of the time). So, what is it that's poking holes in my pockets?
First, it's the car I drive. I bought an 03' Ford Windstar a few years back as I had a family of four and thought it was the practical thing to do. Now I'm a single man with little use for a full sized vehicle. Gas prices are a killer as it cost me upwards of a $100 to fill up. And, I work 30 minutes away from home. Say hello to huge hole #1!
Second, it's these damn utilities! Heating cost during the winter in the MidWest are monstrous. Having been hit with a pretty hard winter I find myself continuing to pay for gas I used nearly six months ago. I just love that. Not to mention, the gas company has tried to attach additional fees in the range of $100 a pop for no particular reason other than that I don't pay my bill on time. Boy, that makes sense! Charge the guy that is struggling to pay more money cause that'll help him get it together. Needless to say, I'm still in the hole to old man winter. Say hello to hole #2!
Third, the cost of owning a home. Maybe a month or two back I happen to be in my basement when I noticed that there was as stream of water running from my hot water tank to my drain. That slow but steady leak has kept my water bill high. It's a catch 22 as I don't have the money to replace the tank and it's a struggle to get it because I have to keep the water on. Murphy's Law is in full swing here! Say hello to hole #3!
Fourth, my profession. I have chosen to work in the social service field. There is little to no money in this field save the few leadership spots at the top. Don't get me wrong I could handle a leadership spot with relative ease (handle the check even better). However, it's a game of politics. Despite my great work ethic, numerous compliments for inside and outside my agency (including families, clients, and county officials) there is no promotion anywhere in sight. Add to that the goofy rules on classification (where someone who was in the right place at the right time has a higher classification than I do even though I have significantly greater clinical experience) and it's a frustrating process. No money, no movement, no go. Say hello to hole #4.
Fifth, my own mismanagement of funds. There was a time in life, actually two times, where I have handled money very well. Bills were paid, credit was good, and there was something left over. Such times put me in a place to buy my home, support a family solely on my income, and invest for the future. Those times are long gone. Once I made a move to help people through a life of social service my income took a hit it has yet to recover from. I took a hit and major depression took hold. Responsibility was not at the forefront of my thoughts. I barely wanted to live much less do anything productive. I've blown considerable resources that could have kept me out of this mess. Unfortunately, when you don't want to live you give little thought to the future. Say hello to hole #5.
I'm trying desperately to fix my finances. I've applied and continue to apply for second jobs. Heck, if I could make the hours work I'd apply for a second full-time job. I want to rid myself of debt, fix my credit (though I have no plans of using it), get myself prepared for the next long term relationship, and sleep in peace knowing my finances are in order. Problem is, the economy sucks and the companies I've applied to that look promising are slow to hire. Hence, my incredible frustration. Well, I guess there's a silver lining, I don't have to worry about drowning (at least not in money).
Saturday, July 9, 2011
WITH MATURITY COMES SPEED
As a younger man I believed that people needed to "date" for a considerable amount of time prior to making a decision to tie the knot. It has been my belief that people are on their best behavior early on and so you don't really know who you're getting if you don't wait out the best foot so to speak. As I'm growing older I'm seeing something different.
I began to notice that lots of older people seem to make quick decisions on whether or not they are going to get married. Often times, being young and ignorant, I thought they were moving to fast. I thought they were seeking to cover up their grief and pain with a replacement relationship (if they were coming out of a divorce or death of a mate). Now that I'm growing older I'm seeing things in a different light. I'm seeing that with maturity comes the ability to assess a relationship.
I am coming to believe that with age comes experience and wisdom. Older folks know what they want out of life. They know what they want in a mate. They know the qualities they're looking for, how to identify them, and the move on them quickly. It's like the difference between buying your first and second homes. When looking for the first home you have a vague idea of what you want because you've never owned a home before. You've lived in one but it's not the same. After you've purchased the first home you realize all types of things you want in the next house. You do so because you've been there and see what's needed for maximum functionality.
So it is with those in the unfortunate place of a second marriage. If folks have done any type of reflection on their previously failed relationship they should have an idea of what went wrong. I start with decision making on my part. There are so many things I did not consider or I was unaware of that had an adverse impact on my relationship. Knowing this, I'm better equipped to make a more informed decision about the matters of my heart now. This isn't to say that risk are removed, just that I'm more informed.
I believe it is the book Blink where the author makes the case that there are people that make a wise and informed decision in a matter of moments that many can't make over a period of months or even years. The issue as I recall is that the individual that makes a quick decision does so based on experience. They're experts in this. These are folks that recognize fake money with a touch, know a good business deal when they see one, or can provide an accurate diagnosis on sight. He says this results from 10,000 hours of experience in said profession. I think this may be the case with age, relationships, and marriage.
I'm not saying that this is fool proof or the new way to date and marry. What I am saying is that there is something to be said for a life lived, a life examined, and wisdom applied. I think folks that have had to go through heart wrenching relationships and have made a decision to proceed with life courageously taking the lessons learned with them may have an innate ability to make better decisions with their love life than they did or could have previously.
I began to notice that lots of older people seem to make quick decisions on whether or not they are going to get married. Often times, being young and ignorant, I thought they were moving to fast. I thought they were seeking to cover up their grief and pain with a replacement relationship (if they were coming out of a divorce or death of a mate). Now that I'm growing older I'm seeing things in a different light. I'm seeing that with maturity comes the ability to assess a relationship.
I am coming to believe that with age comes experience and wisdom. Older folks know what they want out of life. They know what they want in a mate. They know the qualities they're looking for, how to identify them, and the move on them quickly. It's like the difference between buying your first and second homes. When looking for the first home you have a vague idea of what you want because you've never owned a home before. You've lived in one but it's not the same. After you've purchased the first home you realize all types of things you want in the next house. You do so because you've been there and see what's needed for maximum functionality.
So it is with those in the unfortunate place of a second marriage. If folks have done any type of reflection on their previously failed relationship they should have an idea of what went wrong. I start with decision making on my part. There are so many things I did not consider or I was unaware of that had an adverse impact on my relationship. Knowing this, I'm better equipped to make a more informed decision about the matters of my heart now. This isn't to say that risk are removed, just that I'm more informed.
I believe it is the book Blink where the author makes the case that there are people that make a wise and informed decision in a matter of moments that many can't make over a period of months or even years. The issue as I recall is that the individual that makes a quick decision does so based on experience. They're experts in this. These are folks that recognize fake money with a touch, know a good business deal when they see one, or can provide an accurate diagnosis on sight. He says this results from 10,000 hours of experience in said profession. I think this may be the case with age, relationships, and marriage.
I'm not saying that this is fool proof or the new way to date and marry. What I am saying is that there is something to be said for a life lived, a life examined, and wisdom applied. I think folks that have had to go through heart wrenching relationships and have made a decision to proceed with life courageously taking the lessons learned with them may have an innate ability to make better decisions with their love life than they did or could have previously.
Grumpy
Lately, I've been grumpy. I'm in a strange place right now. I'm kind of hopeful in many respects. Kind of frustrated in many others. One of the major areas of frustration that I"m experiencing is with my friends. I'm in regular contact with folks that aren't happy, content, satisfied, and worst of all...aren't moving anywhere.
We all have our down times. It's a part of life. When those times come it's nice to be able to just drop your load off somewhere. It's nice to be able to vent and get it off your chest. I do it. You do it. We all do it. My frustration comes in when you vent daily and take little to no action to make any changes substance. In essence you have given up and have resided to a life of complaining.
That is mind numbing as a friend that desires the best for those you care about. Especially when you know that things would be better in some respect if they would just put forth the effort. I'm fed up with it. I'm a person that has hated my job. I'm a guy that has hated my life. I didn't just complain, I put all I had into changing the situation. Oddly enough, as much as I hated my job the people I worked with thought i was always positive. If only they knew.
I used to literally get sick to my stomach daily as I drove to work. That's how much I hated my job. Those were dark days. I applied to new jobs weekly. I talked to every and anybody I could about getting out of that hell hole of a place. I finally got to the point where I went back to school. I worked 3rd shift full-time, went to school full-time, interned, had a child, and I was married.
I had a constant burn in my eyes and my sleep patterns weren't normal for years. But I did what I had to do to get out of that place. If you're going to expend the energy to complain and be upset, let it fuel you to get where you want to go no matter what the cost. We know one thing for sure, doing nothing will change nothing. I speak from experience. I know what it is to be depressed, unhappy, burned out, and feeling like "to hell with hit!" I also know what it is to change.
That's my issue. I want my friends to go for what they want. Don't complain about happiness, get some. Don't hate a job, get a new one. Don't want a man, get one. Don't wish for better days, make it happen. Don't hope for more money, manage your money better. It's irritating when you know people can have what they want but they are so content with their pain. I'm not content. As a result, I'm grumpy as hell when it comes to these folks and it's been known. I will have to take my own advice soon if things don't change and reduce my own frustrations.
We all have our down times. It's a part of life. When those times come it's nice to be able to just drop your load off somewhere. It's nice to be able to vent and get it off your chest. I do it. You do it. We all do it. My frustration comes in when you vent daily and take little to no action to make any changes substance. In essence you have given up and have resided to a life of complaining.
That is mind numbing as a friend that desires the best for those you care about. Especially when you know that things would be better in some respect if they would just put forth the effort. I'm fed up with it. I'm a person that has hated my job. I'm a guy that has hated my life. I didn't just complain, I put all I had into changing the situation. Oddly enough, as much as I hated my job the people I worked with thought i was always positive. If only they knew.
I used to literally get sick to my stomach daily as I drove to work. That's how much I hated my job. Those were dark days. I applied to new jobs weekly. I talked to every and anybody I could about getting out of that hell hole of a place. I finally got to the point where I went back to school. I worked 3rd shift full-time, went to school full-time, interned, had a child, and I was married.
I had a constant burn in my eyes and my sleep patterns weren't normal for years. But I did what I had to do to get out of that place. If you're going to expend the energy to complain and be upset, let it fuel you to get where you want to go no matter what the cost. We know one thing for sure, doing nothing will change nothing. I speak from experience. I know what it is to be depressed, unhappy, burned out, and feeling like "to hell with hit!" I also know what it is to change.
That's my issue. I want my friends to go for what they want. Don't complain about happiness, get some. Don't hate a job, get a new one. Don't want a man, get one. Don't wish for better days, make it happen. Don't hope for more money, manage your money better. It's irritating when you know people can have what they want but they are so content with their pain. I'm not content. As a result, I'm grumpy as hell when it comes to these folks and it's been known. I will have to take my own advice soon if things don't change and reduce my own frustrations.
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