WITH MATURITY COMES SPEED

As a younger man I believed that people needed to "date" for a considerable amount of time prior to making a decision to tie the knot. It has been my belief that people are on their best behavior early on and so you don't really know who you're getting if you don't wait out the best foot so to speak. As I'm growing older I'm seeing something different.

I began to notice that lots of older people seem to make quick decisions on whether or not they are going to get married. Often times, being young and ignorant, I thought they were moving to fast. I thought they were seeking to cover up their grief and pain with a replacement relationship (if they were coming out of a divorce or death of a mate). Now that I'm growing older I'm seeing things in a different light. I'm seeing that with maturity comes the ability to assess a relationship.

I am coming to believe that with age comes experience and wisdom. Older folks know what they want out of life. They know what they want in a mate. They know the qualities they're looking for, how to identify them, and the move on them quickly. It's like the difference between buying your first and second homes. When looking for the first home you have a vague idea of what you want because you've never owned a home before. You've lived in one but it's not the same. After you've purchased the first home you realize all types of things you want in the next house. You do so because you've been there and see what's needed for maximum functionality.

So it is with those in the unfortunate place of a second marriage. If folks have done any type of reflection on their previously failed relationship they should have an idea of what went wrong. I start with decision making on my part. There are so many things I did not consider or I was unaware of that had an adverse impact on my relationship. Knowing this, I'm better equipped to make a more informed decision about the matters of my heart now. This isn't to say that risk are removed, just that I'm more informed.

I believe it is the book Blink where the author makes the case that there are people that make a wise and informed decision in a matter of moments that many can't make over a period of months or even years. The issue as I recall is that the individual that makes a quick decision does so based on experience. They're experts in this. These are folks that recognize fake money with a touch, know a good business deal when they see one, or can provide an accurate diagnosis on sight. He says this results from 10,000 hours of experience in said profession. I think this may be the case with age, relationships, and marriage.

I'm not saying that this is fool proof or the new way to date and marry. What I am saying is that there is something to be said for a life lived, a life examined, and wisdom applied. I think folks that have had to go through heart wrenching relationships and have made a decision to proceed with life courageously taking the lessons learned with them may have an innate ability to make better decisions with their love life than they did or could have previously.