Most good stories have a clear villain and a clear hero. I enjoy the simplistic morality of good and evil. You know who to root for and who to root against. I wrote some time ago about the nature of our modern day hero's. They are more complex than in the past. Their character is flawed, methods questionable, and in many ways they are complicated. This muddies the waters of morality. It's tough to build off of the examples of heroism when your hero toes the line closely associated with the nefarious.
I am reminded of these things because in my current state of heart break I honestly have to conclude that there is no villain. There is no one to point the finger of wrongdoing and blame at. There is no way of clearly juxtaposing myself against them. There is no observable lesson to be learned outside of my own behavior and thoughts.
My friend and love has always maintained her aversion to a serious, long term relationship. I knew this and took a chance, making a decision as an adult to pursue her. I foolishly thought I was wearing her down with my gentleman ways. I did things to surprise her, romance her, serve her, and respect her. Despite my greatest efforts I have failed in my stated goal of winning her heart. Despite my greatest efforts, her defenses our impregnable.
I could be dishonest and make my emotional pain all her fault. I could say that she was heartless and played me for a fool for her own gain. I could say that I was a stop-gap for downtime and entertainment. However, none of that would be true. Truth is, she was truthful, honest, and consistent throughout. If any one played someone, it was me playing myself. This is the reality. Painful, embarrassing, and true....
A villain would be nice! It would be a springboard for motivation. Sadly (for me), no villain exist. It is only the greatest enemy everyone of us face-THE ENEMY WITHIN. That's not the enemy most of us want to face. This foe is powerful. He knows our every move, motivation, and trick. I'd like a villain but I'm stuck with this guy....
I am reminded of these things because in my current state of heart break I honestly have to conclude that there is no villain. There is no one to point the finger of wrongdoing and blame at. There is no way of clearly juxtaposing myself against them. There is no observable lesson to be learned outside of my own behavior and thoughts.
My friend and love has always maintained her aversion to a serious, long term relationship. I knew this and took a chance, making a decision as an adult to pursue her. I foolishly thought I was wearing her down with my gentleman ways. I did things to surprise her, romance her, serve her, and respect her. Despite my greatest efforts I have failed in my stated goal of winning her heart. Despite my greatest efforts, her defenses our impregnable.
I could be dishonest and make my emotional pain all her fault. I could say that she was heartless and played me for a fool for her own gain. I could say that I was a stop-gap for downtime and entertainment. However, none of that would be true. Truth is, she was truthful, honest, and consistent throughout. If any one played someone, it was me playing myself. This is the reality. Painful, embarrassing, and true....
A villain would be nice! It would be a springboard for motivation. Sadly (for me), no villain exist. It is only the greatest enemy everyone of us face-THE ENEMY WITHIN. That's not the enemy most of us want to face. This foe is powerful. He knows our every move, motivation, and trick. I'd like a villain but I'm stuck with this guy....
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