The process of maturing is never ending. I like to think I'm a rather mature individual for most part. Yet, I have come to recognize that I have some major deficits in the emotions department. As a young man I didn't date AT ALL. My wife was really the first and only woman I had ever "dated." The consequences of my lack of engagement of the opposite sex romantically has stunted my emotional/relational growth.
Having never had my heart broken prior to the end of my marriage in a "relationship" has left me largely unprepared for rejection in such life scenarios. I recently experienced my first heart break since the end of my marriage. For the last year I have spent nearly all of my free time with one woman. She is wonderful...caring, generous, playful, easy going, and a woman of faith. Unfortunately, as much as our values mirror each other they differ in one particular area-Relationship.
My friend has no interest in ever being married again or in a committed relationship. I thought this was emotional residue left over from a bad ending to her marriage and the obvious lack of lasting relationships since. I was foolish enough to think that my gentleman ways could change her outlook. For a while it seemed as though it were working. She often told me she was very happy that I persisted in pursuing her and that although she didn't want a long term relationship I was, "wearing her down."
Things seem to be going well. Our time together was effortless and fun. We were rubbing off on each other in terms of our interest. She was even contemplating introducing me to her family. Then suddenly things seem to have changed. She went on vacation (apparently a horrible thing for me in relationships) and when she returned something had changed. She cancelled back-to-back dates, seemed distant, and in many ways disinterested. She maintains nothing has changed but her actions and my gut were screaming something different.
Things came to a head when I questioned her about our relationship and if I would ever have a chance to "capture her heart." She replied with a scathing NO stating that she didn't feel as I did. The nail in the coffin came in the next phrase when she said, "nor do I want to." That was crushing to say the least. I figured after a year you would know where things were going and apparently she did-NO WHERE!
So, here I am broken hearted once again. My first response was a depressed like mood complete with an absence of sleep and lots of jealousy toward those with successful relationships. This was all to reminiscent of an earlier time. I walked around with a slow burning anger right beneath the surface. I wondered where to go from here?
The longer I thought about it the more clear things became. You can't force love, you can't make people love you if you don't. That leaves me with one clear course of action; recover, heal, and move on. I'm lead to believe that had I been more active in dating in my formative years I would be better prepared for this type of thing. As it is, this is my "formation period." This is my accelerated learning curve for emotional maturity. I plan on pushing on, remaining civil, and caring. After all, I do love this woman and that can't be pushed aside with a blink of an eye. Hard as it is, maturation continues on. I'm still growing...
Having never had my heart broken prior to the end of my marriage in a "relationship" has left me largely unprepared for rejection in such life scenarios. I recently experienced my first heart break since the end of my marriage. For the last year I have spent nearly all of my free time with one woman. She is wonderful...caring, generous, playful, easy going, and a woman of faith. Unfortunately, as much as our values mirror each other they differ in one particular area-Relationship.
My friend has no interest in ever being married again or in a committed relationship. I thought this was emotional residue left over from a bad ending to her marriage and the obvious lack of lasting relationships since. I was foolish enough to think that my gentleman ways could change her outlook. For a while it seemed as though it were working. She often told me she was very happy that I persisted in pursuing her and that although she didn't want a long term relationship I was, "wearing her down."
Things seem to be going well. Our time together was effortless and fun. We were rubbing off on each other in terms of our interest. She was even contemplating introducing me to her family. Then suddenly things seem to have changed. She went on vacation (apparently a horrible thing for me in relationships) and when she returned something had changed. She cancelled back-to-back dates, seemed distant, and in many ways disinterested. She maintains nothing has changed but her actions and my gut were screaming something different.
Things came to a head when I questioned her about our relationship and if I would ever have a chance to "capture her heart." She replied with a scathing NO stating that she didn't feel as I did. The nail in the coffin came in the next phrase when she said, "nor do I want to." That was crushing to say the least. I figured after a year you would know where things were going and apparently she did-NO WHERE!
So, here I am broken hearted once again. My first response was a depressed like mood complete with an absence of sleep and lots of jealousy toward those with successful relationships. This was all to reminiscent of an earlier time. I walked around with a slow burning anger right beneath the surface. I wondered where to go from here?
The longer I thought about it the more clear things became. You can't force love, you can't make people love you if you don't. That leaves me with one clear course of action; recover, heal, and move on. I'm lead to believe that had I been more active in dating in my formative years I would be better prepared for this type of thing. As it is, this is my "formation period." This is my accelerated learning curve for emotional maturity. I plan on pushing on, remaining civil, and caring. After all, I do love this woman and that can't be pushed aside with a blink of an eye. Hard as it is, maturation continues on. I'm still growing...
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