CAN'T HELP EM'

It's a sad thing to say, but you just can't help them all (people). I have always been a person that has sought to help my friends, family, associates, and even complete strangers. I believe in people helping people. Everybody needs a hand up once in a while. However, lately I've noticed that the people I have found myself surrounded by don't really want help.

My best friend bitches and moans daily, if not by the second, about his job. I don't knock him for hating his job. I used to have the same exact job. In fact, I used to bitch and moan about having the same job. I can remember literally getting sick to my stomach daily as I made the drove to work, sick because of what awaited me. Although I can relate to the ongoing bitching and moaning (which people just don't understand until they've had to work in this environment), there is a major difference between the two of us-I DID WHAT NEEDED TO BE DONE TO GET OUT!

I can remember calling all of my friends, all of my family, all of my contacts, trying desperately to find a way out. I can remember applying for job after job after job. I can remember going to interviews just to see what the opportunity was in hope of something different. I also remember standing in line for hours at those cow herding events known as job fairs. Finally when all else failed, I enrolled in grad school, moved to third shift, and worked my ass off for two and half years to get the skills needed to do something I wanted to do. I couldn't spend my life complaining about things. I had to take action.

My friend(s) seem to lack that drive. They seem to be missing that fire inside that doesn't just complain but does something about it. Pity parties are poppin' off all over the place as unhappy people do little to address the situation, taking hold of those things within their control and moving forward. This is not some holier than thou, make myself feel better by looking down on others, diatribe. People that know my friends in light conversation and brief interactions have made comments about their complaining and lack of activity. This is real.

My friend has made attempts to go back to school only to have those plans foiled by a non-cooperative schedule (one that could have been easily maneuvered though inconvenient). Even now, they speak of returning to school. But there is a caveat...they have to have the right work schedule. It would seem that every plan, every ploy, every effort, has a contingency that blocks the way to freedom. It's not going to be easy. It's going to be a struggle. But the freedom is worth it!

On my side I've done a lot to help my friend out. I've opened up doors, done research, identified employment opportunities, and more. All that, only to have my friend not so much as apply to the jobs I've sent him. He always says, "Thanks, I'll check that out." I've come to the point where I see jobs that he could get but I think why waste my time? Yet, amidst all these he speaks of job seeking and the frustrations of not being able to find much.

He's not my only friend that's like that. I have quite a few people in my circle that function that way and I have to wonder how this has happened? I've always been a go getter type of guy. To be certain my "go getness" has slowed in recent years. Still, I keep fighting for what I'm after even when it seems futile. How could I have surrounded myself with people that aren't of like mind. It's true, those around you will rub off on you or you'll rub off on them. I don't think I'm doing the rubbin' right about now.

In light of the differences in life approach and response to hardship I have come to the wise conclusion that you just can't help em' all. There was a time in the Bible where God instructed a person to stop praying for a group of people. It seems so un-Christian that I had to look at it over and over again. God just knew what the man wasn't willing to concede yet-they had chosen their end. I feel that way now about some folks. It's not that we can't hang. It's not that I'm not pulling for them anymore. It's not even like I won't assist when asked. It is that I won't be putting any extra effort on my part to help them out. All it does is frustrate me, strain the relationship, and.....I'll be damned if it does anything for them. It's tough concluding that I can't help them all.