What is Necessary

As time goes on it has become more and more apparent that things are not going to go the way I desire. I have tried to reduce my expences, yet I'm still behind. I've searched and searched for part time employment, from working as a therapist to literally mopping the floors, there's been no luck. I've eaten at home, only driven to work and back, no movies, no dating, no hanging out...still I come up short. Having done all I can I am now seeing that I will have to do what is neccessary.

I've even tried to get a promotion. Funny thing is, I only ended up with more responsibility and a pat on the back (story of my life). I recently applied for a position that would pay $20K more per a year than I currently make. The basic qualification were basically that you can read, write, and follow benchmarks. Besides my simple assessment of the job, I meet the requirements. Yet, after applying for the job I didn't get a call for an interview. No big deal. I figured they already had in mind who they wanted. However, this apparently isn't the truth. The job was reposted (nothing like a smack in the face than applying for a job you're qualified for and seeing it reposted without an interview). That promptem me to contact the CEO and ask what exactly they were looking for?

The CEO responded to my inquiry by stating they were looking for someone with experience (spelled out) at pretty much having the job. Funny thing is, nobody in the building besides the person that has the job currently would have that experience. Nevertheless, he did direct me to the positions current holder. I in turn contacted them and asked if I could have some of their time to see what exactly the job is about. I would later come to find out that the job was offered to a person that didn't apply for it with similar credentials to mine. As one person said, "If they want you to have it, you'll have it." Problem is, I can never seem to figure out how to get people to want me to have it. Skills, work ethic, talent, none of that seems to matter.

So, becuase I can't help myself I will continue on with this exercise in futility. I suppose there is an ever slim chance, but like most things in life I won't count on it. I just can't figure it out. I've got education, an excellent track record, and drive...somethings missing. In any event, my lack of ability to obtain a second job, get a promotion, cut my expenses to the bone, and win the lottery have left me with few choices.

That choice is looking more and more like bankruptcy. I despise the thought of it. I'm not a person that feels that company's are evil and that they deserve to get stiffed on what I owe. I'm just being a realist at this time. The reality is, I don't make enough money to support what was once two incomes with one, the economy sucks and there are few opportunities for growth, a second job, or a substantial raise. Simply put, you can't get blood out of a turnip-no matter how hard you squeeze it. This is what I have been reduced to-a Bumb.

This will be my second bout with such a shameful act. The first was nearly 8 years ago. At that time, my spouse quit her job to to pursue her master's degree. That plunged us into financial ruin. With her focus on education we were left with no other choice (outside of going against her desires). I fought for as long as I could until I could fight no longer. Much the same as today. Yet, here I am again in the same place, my spouses desires destroying my finances and leaving me in bankruptcy while she does what she wants to do. I now must do what is neccessary.

I know that girl

Work is a place full of rumors and speculations. I get a certain kick out of hearing the wild and crazy things I hear...at least I used to. Part of my enjoyment of hearing the rumors were what I thought to be their complete absurdity. There were stories of who my boss was sleeping with. Rumors that there was some kind of underground lesbian love group at work. Rumors of administrators and union reps gettin' it on in the office. There was the rumor of married men and women rondevouing at 5AM to have sex (a rumor that bothered me because I often thought the individuals wouldn't put that much effort into their own spouses. All of this was fun until.........

Until I found out that pretty much everything I was hearing was true. The individuals themselves gave themselves away. Crazy things like a guy liking a "thumb up his ass" while having sex came out. There was a woman that seemed to be getting passed back and forth (perhaps she was jumping) between male staff members. I had heard and seen the craziest things I've ever seen in my life. In fact, this wave of sexual deviancy and infidelity gave me reason to question my own spouses faithfulness. It was unbelievable.

With all that being said, I'm now seeing another wave of crazy sexual deviancy take place before my very eyes. There is a young, attractive, "has it all together," woman I work with that has dastardly rumors flying about her. The first of these rumors was that she slept with a co-worker and that she had some very fould habits. I would have blown this off, but I called that she had slept with the guy before he decided to run his mouth and tell the world of his escapades (women, don't sleep with a scum bag that would put you out as though he were uninvolved in the happening). I knew because while talking with this young woman her attention was acutely distracted in a way I've only seen women look when they've slept with a man. Your eyes and heart give you away. No words needed.

The second rumor was that this woman was sleeping with a soon to be released patient. I can't and won't report this as it seems all the world has heard this and it's not second, third, or fourth person. It's more like 90th person. Nevertheless, I believe the rumor. I believe the rumor because this woman gave herself away by saying she recently had dinner at a place she shouldn't have been, save the presence of the patient. That bit of information was given before the rumor came out. I add to this, the gentleman in question is considered quite attractive by many woman and has a reputation for sleeping with staff. Again, no report because no hard evidence or first hand reporting.

Another issue is this woman's self-disclosure that she hangs out with professional athletes but only as "friends." That's hard to believe for any person claiming to hang out with athletes unless they're family (and even then I'd question those distant cousins). She gave herself away by saying that one of her athlete friends has flown her around the nation just to "hang out." No favors expected. Yeah right!!! Again, she gave this information up freely, unprovoked. I don't know why people crack the lid on such information and then expect folks to play stupid and lose all common sense.

The final issue at hand is that I've seen this girl before. This woman is actually quite common. I seem to come across them quite regularly and they all read the same way. These folks tend to be high achievers educationally. They might even be pretty financially savvy (or credit savvy). You see, the issue at hand is image. For these women image is everything. Hence, they give off the aura that they're well put together. They present and speak as women with incredibly high standards for men when in reality they have no standards. Maybe I'm wrong on the standards issue.

These women do have a standard. It's the standard they have fashioned their own lives by-IMAGE. As I look as who this woman has associated herself with or engaged sexually with (as the rumors say) I see a common thread of what these men look like. There is little consideration as to the characters of these men. Hence, the ousting of her sexual escapade with my co-worker. His immaturity and desperate need to brag was overshadowed by his swag (image). The same is true of the other men named as lovers.

These woman aren't just image focused. They're emotional disasters. This woman I'm speaking of right now is grumpy-ALL THE TIME. I called her for work purposes the other day. On the phone she sound so happy, satisfied, upbeat. I asked if she was having a good day? I was informed that she wasn't but that I was simply getting a taste of her professional voice. I then asked if she was ever happy? She replied no. Every time I see this woman she has something to complain about. It's a sad living.

To go with that, these women are often easily offended. This is because they are absolute messes on the inside and anything that comes close to going beyond the surface is seen as a threat of outing the obvious. As a result, a simple joke is taken as a monstrous attack. Hypersensitivity is a tell-tale sign women that fall into this category. It's a life built on a house of cards. It's a life with low self-esteem, confused values, and the search for substance by chasing image.

One of my co-workers told me she wouldn't believe the rumors about this woman. In the past I would have done the same. However, I've heard too much. Seen too much. Confirmed too much...too much to deny this. I've seen it in her eyes. I've heard it in her words. I know this girl (I wish I didn't).

Go Getters!

A good friend of mine called me up today to gauge my interest in a new job working as one of his staff (via third party contract) in his new school. He said that while he was discussing bringing in a therapist to work with his kids he immediately thought about me. That's a great feeling to have people show an appreciation for your skill or talent, but I digress.

While we talked about the job opportunity, my friend briefly broke down how he came to be the principle of this school. He had been laid off from his job as an administrator for another school system/district. My friend, a deeply religious man, said that the Lord had told him a time of rest was coming. He said he did not know that rest would manifest itself in being unemployed.

Through a series of events my friend found himself back in the drivers seat of a brand new school as the principle. He's kind of an owner/operator of the school. He said his superiors gave him the keys to the school, allowing him to hire his staff, set the agenda, and recruit his own kids. The last part about recruitment is quite incredible. My friend explained that although he had the power to hire staff, he could not do so without first having enough kids enrolled to support the salaries of those he hired.

Never backing down from a challenge, my friend went to work recruiting and enrolling kids into the school. He went door to door meeting parents and enrolling their kids in the school right on the spot. No small task by any stretch of the imagination. On the other side of this story is the fact that my friend can now report that he has the largest school (enrolled students) in his district from ages K-3rd grade. Incredible!!!!

I'd like to tell you that my friend's life has been easy. That he was raised with a silver spoon in his mouth, that he had both parents in his home growing up, that he hasn't experienced devastating loss in his life. After all, that is the type of story so many seem to believe to be true about the successful. No, that's not his story. Instead he's experienced all that and more...and yet he has/is/will succeed. He's a go getter. A special breed. A man that does not shrink from challenges, but embraces them and charges at them with all the confidence of a triumphant warrior.

He's a real life, in the flesh, guy next door, inspiration. He's a man among men. Not because he has skills that others do not. If he has anything, he has drive, determination, and FAITH! These things are available to all of us. This is what people hope for. A life plotted out, that can be repeated and followed with successful outcomes. He's a model of a man, a hero...He's a Go Getter!

DATING TIPS AND SINGLENESS

A few months ago, I began writing dating tips on FB as a joke, then as a hobby. It was started by my wanderer like approach to dating. While sitting with a group of my male friends (what I like to call "The meeting of the minds") I asked for tips on where and how to meet women. My resources, friends, are well versed in the art of dating and provided helpful and comical information. That was the launching pad for what is now well over 300 dating tips.

As I was posting these on FB I would come to learn that some of them were seen as inflammatory and at the least, provocative. 99.999% of my commenter's are women. Many have agreed with my tips or found them to be comically entertaining. Despite the warm reception my tips have received, there is a select few women that have taken issue with my tips. One woman, would openly debate them. Another woman, would chat with me and nonchalantly say, "Most of your tips aren't true anyway..." She would say it almost in passing.

I wouldn't really argue the factual reality of my tips. I've done no research and any evidence that they are true or effective would be anecdotal. I wouldn't make a great stink about things meant primarily for entertainment. However, there is one thing I've noticed about my detractors...none of them are married or in long term relationships. I'm not saying that if they followed my tips they would be married or in a long term relationship. What I am saying is that there appears to be a deeper issue at hand that lends itself to singleness and disagreement with my tips.

As late as this evening, I found myself in a written debate on the issue of sexual drive and appetite and how many men I know have expressed some level of disappointment in the frequency of act of love taking place with their wives. No doubt, a woman that has never been married, and to my knowledge has had primarily short term relationships decided to debate me on this issue. I hold two things to my credit that I'm certain she does not posses. 1) I'm a man and my friends are primarily men. They have shared about their sex lives as I have shared about mine in confidence and this theme has been true across the board. 2) As a man, I've been privileged to attend many conferences, trainings, and sessions exclusively for men in which the subject of sex has been openly and honestly discussed. My debate opponent can not claim either one of these.

Nevertheless, I don't think its an issue of right or wrong on this particular issue of who's not having sex with who? I believe it is the stubborn refusal for women to examine themselves and their actions in a relationship that has kept them single. This woman is not ugly...she has attributes many men have felt compelled to speak about. She's not stupid. Far as I know, she has one degree and currently working toward another. She has promise, as she is well rounded in the arts. And sadly, for her, it appears she has attitude as she took offense to a joking statement I made about a story she posted.

Women that walk around with a chip on their shoulder about men or relationships in general, looking to place blame will be single and remain so. No man wants to deal with a woman that feels she is owed something based upon something that does not encompass personal experience. Even if it did encompass personal experience, it wasn't the next man so why should he pay for the sins of another? These women think they're not projecting this attitude. They're wrong. It is seen, smelled, and detected from a mile away! Such women have choices to make; Hold onto your anger, resentment, and bitterness and consequently your singleness. Let go of all that book learned, women studied enforced, waiting to exhale bull, and get a man. Or, you could buy my soon to be released book, follow the tips, and get a man.

Reprogramming

I am currently undergoing a reprogramming of the mind, heart, and habits. Finding myself in the worse financial state I've been in in my entire life, I've found it necessary to take action. As a good friend of mine tells me, "You need to become solvent for the sake of your children." He is right. I can not continue on in this way for the rest of my life. Otherwise, I won't have peace and I won't have anything to pass on to my children.

Hence, as I often do, I went to work in researching what is needed to turn this ship around. I got books on credit, negotiating, budgeting, and the like. Of all my reading I believe the most informative and helpful book I read was, "THE TOTAL MONEY MAKEOVER" by Dave Ramsey. This book was easy to read, practical, honest, plenty of real life examples to motivate you, and lots of forms for easy use. It was the real deal.

The basic premise of the book is that you pay off all your debt, stick to a budget, save and invest for expenses such as a car, and live life free....and like no one else. Dave tells you to go after being debt free with life or death type of intensity. He admonishes you to get a second job, deliver pizzas if need be, and get this ball rolling. It's a simple plan, not an easy plan. Motivated and ready to go, I set out to find that second job. This has not been easy. I've had a few phone calls and interviews...but schedule seems to get in the way each time. Nevertheless, my search continues.

In the meantime, I have been listening to Dave on the radio almost nightly. Not that he is bringing new information to the table (again, the plan is simple) but he continues to reinforce the thinking and principles behind his plan. He's become like an angel on my shoulder. When I'm getting stressed over the normal financial issues of life I hear his voice and principals reverberating in my ears....

This became evident to me recently when I was stressing about my triple 4 credit score (something I've never seen or knew was possible). I was notified of my score because I went to the dealer to plead for help financing a car that is less eager to eat away my check via gas pump (not to mention new electrical problems come to life daily). Then I realized that my credit score doesn't matter much anymore. I'm moving toward a cash only lifestyle where credit is insignificant. When I reminded myself of that, I found peace of mind and said forget the score, lets get to the cash lifestyle.

With that in mind, I've decided to keep my car for as long as I can. It will be completely paid off in about a year or less. Once it is, I will dedicate my payment to saving up about $6k for the next car. Once that is done, I will then begin to attack these other debts so I can scream, FREEDOM! The other thing I've decided to do is do what is needed to stay where I'm at until I'm literally forced to make a decision otherwise. It just doesn't make sense to do anything else at this time. Essentially, I'm holding the line until reinforcements (promotion, second job, or different higher paying job) comes to bare.

While I work this plan and wait for changes in the pocket to happen I continue to work on my mindset. Reprogramming myself is hard. I've been mis-educated from birth by my family, friends, teachers, banks, and society at large. That's a lot to overcome after 34 years of constant reinforcement. Nevertheless, I resolve to overcome. I recommend that you reprogram yourself as well.

So Misunderstood...

It's been a hell of a weekend. I anticipated a relatively peaceful weekend with some work on the side to help my mom out. It has not gone that way. It has been full of painful losses, loud unproductive arguments, and a great deal of new and old misunderstandings.

Apparently, I have developed a persona that I'm a deeply judgemental person ready to condemn people to Hell at the drop of a dime. I am also a "homophobe" according to these same folks. Much of this is based upon my firmly held and boldly stated faith as a Christian. It's sad and unfortunate because these attributes are assumed, not proven by my actions or my words.

In fact, on one occasion one of these individuals went so far as to place me at a table in a conversation with people who did condemn a homosexual relative to hell. I was never there. In fact, I was over 100 miles away. Not until a third party present at the meeting intervened and confirmed my absence. Nevertheless, it is this type of belief in misinformation that has allowed a image of hateful, judgemental, homophobic, "holier than thou..." image to be nurtured and grown about who I am as a person.

Perhaps the worst part about all this is that I have been implicated as having severed my relationship with a cousin that was very close with me as children. I've been informed that everybody in my family believes my faith has informed my distance from and change in my relationship with my cousin (homosexual/transsexual). This is not the case.

My cousin and I began to drift apart culturally long before I embraced my Christian faith. I grew up in the hood. She grew up in an upscale community going to one of the finest private schools in the area. I was embracing rap and R&B music while she was going in a more grunge alternative hippy style of music. I had gone off to college and didn't return home. She too would go off to school in a much different environment. Holidays were no longer shared together as they had been before due to a change in family patterns. All of these things caused a "distance" to develop between us.

It was soon out that my cousin had declared her homosexuality. Later, she was going through a sex change from a woman to a man. I hold that such a change is traumatic for the individual going through the change, as well as those witnessing it. Nevertheless, there was no consideration given to someone like myself as to the difficulty having such news dropped on you about a love one. Add to that, the fact that so few if any of the family were talking about the change, allowing for processing. No one thought that maybe I was struggling with it all.

Instead, they assumed that I had condemned my beloved cousin to hell for all of her heinous, wrongful, sexual activities. No, they did not think that any person could be hurt, confused, and unsure of how to deal with such a situation. Like I said, it was my evil Christian faith pretending to be love while being full of hate (read sarcasm). As a result of my confusion and silence an entire persona was created that impacted my families view of me.

This is not at all the truth. To be sure, I do not support the gay rights movement, I don't believe that homosexuals are "born that way"
(neither do I believe it's a choice like I'm going to have McDonald's for lunch today), I don't support gay marriage, and I think there are incredible mental gymnastics needed to find a path that affirms a sex change for those that believe that's what they are despite all of their hormonal and physical make up. Despite my views, I love my cousin and enjoy his company. Add to that, I love gay people.

The current debate has made such an affirmation of disagreement with the gay rights movement and maintaining love for those individuals as a universal truth of impossibility. Not because it's impossible or even uncommon, but because that is how the debate has been framed by those that lead the gay rights movement for their own agenda and progress. Hence, I find myself a greatly misunderstood individual that stands at a cross road of love, faith, and disagreement. I work for a homosexual woman. I'm certain absent of my disagreement with the lifestyle she would tell you that I treat her with respect as I do any other co-worker or human being.

Not only that, I worked with a large group of homosexual boys for nearly a year and half. They knew my disagreement with the lifestyle and yet they voluntarily would come to my office to speak with me for hours on end. They confided in me, opened up some of their deepest wounds to me, and allowed me to see their world through their eyes. I was privileged to see what they see. Yet, I never changed my thoughts on the matter while at the same time they knew I cared about them.

I'm always at a loss as to why I'm labeled as a bigot, a hatemonger, a homophobe, by those that stand in opposition to me. I'm puzzled because those that claim to be in support of or indifferent to the gay lifestyle/movement say some of the most horrendous things I've ever heard said about gay people. They say as a joke, as a by-word, as a "I know it's hurtful but I really don't mean it" type of thing. But these folks get a pass because to the public eye they're in support. I myself never say disparaging things about gay people. I merely hold the belief that the lifestyle is not the best for individuals or society. My offense is great, deep, hurtful, and in the eyes of many-intentional. That part hurts me a great deal but I have come to terms with it.

I can't go into my worldview on the issue right now. Just know that I did not come to these conclusions in some fly by night fashion. Neither do I hold my beliefs without conflict or tugging on my heart. I wish things were different concerning homosexuality but they aren't. I also would like to say that this isn't the only issue I'm misunderstood about. I can't go into that right now either. I laugh to myself in a sort of comforting way by quoting the saying, "Genius is so misunderstood." I don't think I'm a genius. However, I do get a laugh and some comfort by pretending I am when I'm so misunderstood.

Cathartic

Writing is such an incredibly cathartic process. I remember being in grad school and hearing about journaling and what not being cathartic. I used to think I could use that with my clients but had never really given it much thought for myself. One of the reasons being that my hand cramps up from writing (actual writing). It is an incredibly powerful tool.

I write when I'm angry, inspired, motivated, bored, and just trying to think some things through. It's funny because people ask me about some of my writings in other venues and I always have a tough time recalling what they're talking about. After I put a thought down I tend to leave it right there. That's where the power of writing is felt as far as anger, anxiety, and disappointment goes. I'm able to get my thoughts and feelings out and leave them right there.

Writing allows me to be profane, raw, and unfiltered. I don't have to hold back or watch what I say. If by chance a person is offended they have the freedom and hopefully the good sense to stop reading. Once that raw part of me is placed down on the electron parchment I'm free of it. The process is phenomenal. Add to that the fact that you can look back and review where you were emotionally, intellectually, and mood wise on a particular day it's truly amazing.

I highly recommend that you find a place to put your thoughts down on paper and get the release you need. Some people write everyday. I don't do that. I could, I've got lot's on my mind but I don't find it necessary. You may. Whatever you find works for you, works for you. I'm just saying let the pen or keyboard be the release valve you need to find a piece of insanity during those times when you've lost all semblance of sanity. Trust me on this one, it's cathartic.