THE UGLINESS OF RACISM

There was recently an upheaval over the execution of Troy Davis has rallied all types of protest. Many believe that there was evidence showing that this man was innocent of the crime in which he was convicted. Initially I was skeptical about making any judgement or statement on the matter as I had no clue what the protest was about. Something seemed odd to me in the way things suddenly appeared on the national scene.

All of the headlines read that 7 out of 9 witnesses had changed their own testimony. I thought, certainly this man's trial should be looked at. Since he was black, I also thought that the witnesses were white and that they had conspired against this man to find him guilty in the first place. I was wrong on both accounts.

From all of the information the media was putting out I thought surely the Supreme Court will intervene and this man will have justice. Alas, the Supreme Court did not intervene. I was dumbfounded and driven to look into the case a bit. It did not take long to find the answer as to why the Supreme Court passed on a case that had so much controversy, justice had already been served.

The truth is that there were many more witnesses than 9. In fact, there were 34! 34 eye witnesses, some of which were this man's friends. The original testimony by his friends gave proof of guilt. It was not until later that they changed their tune. 34 eye witnesses that saw this man shoot at a passing stranger, beat a homeless man, and then brutally and without mercy shoot a police officer in the head at point blank range. There was no injustice, no racism, no malice on the part of the court. This man was guilty and deserving of his penalty. Perhaps more so since he maintained his innocence till the end.

That fact that so much of the truth was masked by the media to create a story sickens me. It sickens me because it fanned the flames of racism. At a time when the nation has more problems than one would like to think about the media brought to the forefront a fraudulent story that only complicated the social landscape of our country. I wouldn't mind if it were true. I wouldn't mind if it had feet. I mind because it was blatantly dishonest.

So many people I know of color were screaming foul. So many people I know were screaming racism. The story bread an air of distrust for the police, the courts, the nation as a whole, and whites in general. It took a story in which justice was served and turned it into a tool of demagoguery. The very ugliness of racism alone in its truest form is reason enough to never fraudulently portray such an injustice.

I am bothered deeply. A story such as this has only added fuel for those already suspicious of white men from stories nearing that of folklore. I know people who have never experienced bold, in your face racism. I question the reality of what they believe to be prejudice. A story like this gave all of their conspiracy theories/fears credence. There are people that are now awaiting the execution of the next innocent black as institutional racism continues its path through our people. Do you see the problem? This was irresponsible, an atrocity. It was ugly.

I HATE UNIONS!!!

I hate unions. I always have. Since my employment with companies such as Giant Eagle and CVS I've seen no benefit in having a union. My life in public work has made me woefully aware of unions. I've mostly seen loss, injustice, and frustration growing out of the union. I was recently reminded of why I hate them.

This time last year I was one week in to my new job. I had no expectations for vacation time at Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Years. Yet, I was able to work with my partner and come to very easy solution for how he were going to handle vacation. After a five minute conversation the issue was settled. I had the time off I wanted and so did she. It was easy and simple. Work was covered, both parties happy...end of story. Not so this year.

This year, the unions have stepped in and required that the group "canvass" for vacation. Essentially, this means that you have to make a bid for your vacation 6-12months out based on seniority. That means I'm ass out as I'm at the bottom of the seniority list. Consequently, I won't have Christmas, New Years, or Thanksgiving off for the next 5-10 years or more.

Since I have a job that requires 30 years for full retirement, and as jobs go it's an easy one, I will have to wait until people retire or die to move up in seniority. Some might think of that as paying your dues but I don't. I have small children that I count on having time off with during the holidays to spend time with. It's nice to be with family as adults but these years are special. Right now, I won't have that because I have to work. Not only is time lost due to my separation, time is lost due to my job.

I believe doing anything solely on the basis of "time" is horrible. Unions support a time only system. Unions support the reward of low/no skills. Unions support rebellion. I have been complimented on my work by my superiors as well as patients, family members of patients, and the community agencies I engage on my job, for the excellent work I do. Consequently, I've been given greater responsibility. Despite my work ethic and the value I bring to the table, I have been in danger of losing my job purely based on time. Quality of work be damned!

On the issue of skills, I have a master's degree and I carry a license for the work I do. My old partner and friend has similar qualifications. Yet, she was laid off from the job for someone without a master's or a license in the very field the job title describes. I was in danger of being laid off and was only missed by one. Hence, what is considered illegal in the private sector was made legal by the unions. Low skills win out on time and contract. Disgusting.

A friend of mine once said in describing his unions contract negotiations, "I don't need a union because I don't do anything to be fired." He's right. I have seen unions protect people that were guilty as hell and wrong. I've seen people blatantly lie with the help of the union to keep a job they knew they were risking when they did what they did. After the hearing they laugh and joke about it knowing that union protection allows them to be renegades and do whatever the hell they want. I'll never forget coming to work one morning and seeing a union member profanely address his superior. Such behavior is unthinkable in a non-union environment. Sad thing is, the superior was simply asking the man to do his job.

Beyond the union working to hold me back from seeing my children during holidays they have allowed money to be taken out of my mouth. I've been volunteering for overtime at work for the last three months or so. Suddenly, those opportunities have dried up. Did they dry up because of a lack of work? NO! Did they dry up because we have additional staff? NO! They dried up because people that have retired with full benefits are coming right back as contract employees and taking money out of my hands. Where's the union on that? Silent....

As far as I can tell I have no need of a union. I do a damn good job at what I do. I always have. I never break the rules. I don't defy my superiors. I exceed expectations regularly. I whole heartedly believe I'd have and keep my job with good pay without the union. I benefit in no way from their presence. Far as I'm concerned, unions can bite the big one.

Conspiracy

I had a meeting today to investigate the finer details of a job that was posted that I appeared qualified for and yet was not interviewed. I couldn't help but do some investigation work. Nothing makes me more frustrated than when a job is posted, I clearly qualify, I apply, I'm not interviewed, and then it's reposted. I wonder, "did they not see my resume?" This time, I had to take action.

I contacted the appropriate parties and I was able to secure a sit down with a person "in the know." They explained to me that I clearly met the minimal qualifications for the position. However, there were details that were not listed in the post that they were looking for. This is where things get hazy.

As the saying goes, "The Devil's in the Details." And he really is in the details here. Essentially, what they were looking for was someone that does this job already to step in and do this job for them. Problem is, if someone is already doing the job, barring a move, they're not coming to take this job. Apparently, the job pays way more in the private sector than it does at this government agency. They had a candidate they offered the job to but they turned it down on salary basis alone. That leaves them in a very bad situation.

My take on the job is, if you have the ability to read, write, and comprehend then you can do the job. It's really quite simple. There are a list of items you need to make sure the agency is complying with. That is the brunt of the job. In fact, the person in the know said they'd go crazy if they had that job due to the lack of variety. That speaks SIMPLICITY with a capital SIMPLE! Yet, they're having a hard time filling the job with a person they want. Don't be picky...choose me, pay me. End of story.

Now, I would have been at peace with the explanation of he person in the know but I had information they didn't know I had. First, I know they offered the job to gentleman that holds a position that qualifies him for the job, yet leaves him short of he specific qualifications they used to screen me out. Strike Number 1! Second, an individual was recently promoted from an utterly completely unrelated position/department to a position that came with one hell of a title and a pay raise. The folks made the mistake of issuing an announcement detailing her work history and background while I had the job description post. I compared the two...NOT EVEN CLOSE! Strike 2!

The third issue at hand, is that the qualifications as stated are bogus. No one would posses such qualities unless they worked that job. It's a nuanced position. To go with that, plenty of "unqualified" people have been hired in various positions and yet they have excelled. I even made an argument, to the person in the know, that the terms for hire were bogus as many have said it's the easiest job they've ever had. Meanwhile, HR is acting like they need previous experience. Hilarious...and Strike 3! You're out!

Truth is the people hire who they want to hire, qualifications be damned. It's been witnessed up close and personal time and time again. The same argument used not to hire you is suddenly erased for a more coveted individual. I've even seen job descriptions/requirements changed to justify the hiring of an individual for a job they were not qualified for. This is life. This is life in both the public and private sectors. I'm going to continue to go through the motions. It will be tough because in the end, I know it's a conspiracy.

AND THEN THERE WAS LIGHT...

Well, the seemingly impossible has happened. I got a second job. I don't know the details of the schedule or the start date. What I do know is that I can expect work in about four weeks which will produce additional cash. I'm not making money hand over fist and in some ways I can't believe I'm doing this. Nevertheless, I needed additional income via a second job and the good Lord has blessed and made a way.

I like my free time as it is right now. However, I prefer peace and there will be no peace until this ship is righted. I'm not afraid of work. Never have been. I will make the most of this opportunity and get on with living. I've got a plan(s) and I'm gonna work it.

One of my friends tried to advise me against taking this job. I laughed at her plea as it was pride/ego based. I can't afford to be prideful. More over, there is no shame in my game. They may not be much pride, but there is no shame. I can say this, there will be pride once I get things back on track and rescue this sinking ship. At that time I will know that the sacrifice of time and liesure was well worth it. Again, I'm thankful for the opportunity. I can't say that I know when I'll be out of this situation. What I can say is...and then there was light.

It's a Sad Thing

As I endure my own personal financial struggles I was hit hard by the thought of what those who have no job at all are going through. I'm furiously frustrated by my circumstances. Yet, I still have an income and check that is reliable every two weeks. There are some folks that don't have that.

My search for a second job to get on top of my bills and make life somewhat peaceful has been full of frustration. At the same time, I can only imagine the frustration and pressure that those with no employment feel. It's painful when you are pressing as hard as you can to find work and to no avail. I've been there before. About a decade ago I was only working very part time. I was married, had a child on the way, and my wife wasn't working (she had quit her job because of a petty dispute). I was pounding the pavement with all I had. Nothing was turning up. During those times I could be heard saying in my sleep, "All I want is a nine to five. All I want is a nine to five."

It was tortuous! Every second of every day seemed to linger on forever. The weight of rejection after rejection starts to wear you down. You wonder if you'll ever work again? If you're good enough for a job? Why doesn't anyone want to hire you? Then you ask, is there something wrong with me? All of these questions eating away at your core while you need to stay positive and upbeat for interviews. It's a tough road.

My heart goes out to all those that are unemployed. I pray that God would have mercy on our nation, our world, and turn our economies around. I think we need new leadership for this to take place. It's apparent the direction we're headed isn't working and more of the same will only dig us into a deeper whole. In the meantime, I pray that God supplies for all of your NEEDS. It is my hope and prayer that this sad thing doesn't last long.

Work, No longer an Enjoyable Place

Nearly one year ago I was thankful and overjoyed to have my new job. It was an escape from the foolishness of my previous government agency. My supervisor was kind, considerate, and wise. The job was laid back, relaxed, and educational. Opportunity seemed present and available. Now, I find myself in a much different place.

Yesterday, I was irritated...a low level of pissed off throughout much of my day. I couldn't put my finger on it I just knew I was pissed. There are a number of factor at hand with all this. One, is that the same people telling to do my job put road blocks in my way, then remove them when it's too late, causing another new roadblock of opportunity to arise. This pisses me a great deal as they first disagree or argue with me, only to come back to my original plan when the opportunity to enact it has passed. I hate that.

Along with road blocks, there is the passing of the buck that goes on that further impedes my ability to do my job. Documents only doctors can sign for (I'd be more than happy to fill them out, but what doctor is going to sign his name to a ten page form that he didn't fill out?). Pissing contest between doctors that result in a lack of quality care for the patient. Foolish pissing contest between patients and doctors. This one is of particular frustration as I am stuck with an annoying personality disorder laden individual that should have been discharged years ago but instead some dumb as doctor let his ego get in the way. Now this guy is my problem. Then add to all that, the solving of a problem only to have a "team" member open his mouth and bring to the forefront a non-issue that now must be dealt with. I'm pissed!

Then there is the willy-nilly promotion and appointment of people to higher ranks. My boss recently went on vacation. While she was gone she placed an individual in charge of our department that does not do the work of 98% of the department. In fact, this individuals original department was "banished" and she was absorbed into my department. Somehow, her brown nosing (which she spends much of her time doing as oppose to her job) landed her designated supervisor for four days. This pissed the whole department off. Consequently, no one asked her for assistance as she really wasn't a person respected from the beginning. To make things worse, those that had been expected to succeed my old supervisor are still available to stand in. Maybe, that's why they weren't chosen. Worker B-likeness seems to be valued as opposed to bringing real value and insight to a position.

To piggy back on that, there is an obvious inside network that is underground but results in people getting promoted where no one would have ever thought. There's a woman that went from being a low level, no skills needed, worker to the director of a department nearly overnight. A couple of months of schooling and bam, she was in. There's another guy at work that went from part time employee, to laid off, to shirt tie status in a position especially created for him. Another woman, whose job it was to set up video cameras/conference equipment is now the HEALTH ADMINISTRATOR. Her appointment to this position came with an outline of her qualifications. None of it matched her title.

Along with the mishaps in leadership appointment, there is the ever present corruption of employees (both higher ups and low level). Staff having sex with each other on the clock. Staff having sex with the patients, on the clock. The smuggling of contraband. This isn't just the breaking of the hospital rules but state law. Yet, when I've reported this information with strong evidence nothing...and I mean absolutely nothing was done. Hence, I'm wrong for reporting it and I'd be wrong if I didn't. I've been in this situation before. It never works out for those trying to do right.

As a result of all this mess my career has become my job. I'm neither thrilled nor excited about going to work. Instead, I look to make it through the day without having fingers point my way. It's a CYA (COVER YOUR ASS) environment. You can't progress or advance in such environments. There is a leadership void in such cases. You can do little of substance when all people are concerned with is covering their own ass and maintaining the status quo. I'm hoping to one day break free of this exchange of time for money, bullshit for comfort, minutia for pay...I need to do something that matters, something that makes a difference. I need to live a life with purpose. This is simply an existence....a paycheck...no longer an enjoyable place.

34

Yesterday I thought I was coming up on my 35th birthday this year. I was sadly disappointed in where my life is, and where it looks like it's going-NOWHERE! To make things worse, I started to contemplate what life would look like at 40 and how I have so miserably failed in my pursuit of my hopes and dreams.

The good news is that I'm only approaching my 34th birthday. Not like a year is much of a difference but it feels like a life time. 35 just seems so over the hill toward 40. It feels like so much of my life is behind me. I don't have a sense of hope and vision for my future. I don't see brighter days ahead. In my early to mid, and even late 20's I had hope. No matter what my circumstances I was hopeful that life was going to take a turn for the better where I would be firmly established and on my way to planning for my children. Instead, I'm trying to stay afloat and once again I'm starting all over.

I thought that I would be an attorney, a pastor, or a writer and speaker (professionally) by now. I thought that I would be financially stable, meeting all of my responsibilities. I thought I'd be in a good position to help out family, friends, and those in need. I thought I would be in a position to mentor others on how to make it, on how to thrive, on how to overcome. Instead, my life has been one disaster followed by another disaster, complete with compliments along the way of how talented I am (and in my mind, talented at destroying my life).

34 must be a year of turning. It must be a time when I make some progress toward stability. It must be a watershed year. 34 years of life and there is little beyond debt, pain, and regret. There is no evidence of a great, deep, and powerful faith. There is no evidence of a blossoming love life shaped and formed by years of commitment, trial, and triumph. There is no evidence of high learning beyond a piece of paper that sits somewhere in my makeshift home office. My head is full, my heart and bank account is empty. 34 has to be a year of something new, something grand, something worthy of a life lived.

Of course, there is a strong possibility that 34 will be equally painful if not more so than 33 was. New beginnings become old. Love affairs become heartbreak. Financial increase becomes financial stress. Loved ones become deceased ones. Opportunities become disappointment. Faith turns to frustration. And, career turns to job. This has been the pattern of my life. Brief ups, long downs. No matter what actions I take 33 looks like 34, looks like 35, looks like 40. A stagnant existence of better wishes and brighter days. Something I sought to avoid all my life. Worst fears come true....34