A Moral Crisis

Well here I am. One week into the gym. So far so good. I've gotten in some pretty good workouts. Mostly cardio. I'm limited in my ability to lift weights as I am still recovering from broken fingers, hand, and wrist. While I work out on the treadmill (1 hour per) I have a lot of time to think about what I'm going to do. Despite all this time I have to think I am stuck as to what I'm going to do.

All my life I have been a nice guy. I became even nicer after I dedicated my life to Christ and dove in head first into serving God and the Church. Now that I have come to my quarter life crisis (wife cheating on me, leaving me, and saying things that cause most people to ask how I didn't slap the hell out of her) I don't know if I want to be a nice guy.

The blinders have been taken off and now I can see that the world is a deeply deceptive, selfish, and evil place. I used to think cheating was a disease primarily suffered by the male species. I have come to find that women are plotting on a whole notha' level to get their creep on. Equipped with that knowledge I am feeling a desire to get what I want out of life and particularly women. To do this I would have to throw my morals to the wind and develop a whole new set of values.

So on one hand, I know in my mind that I shouldn't do such a thing. I know that it is damaging to self and others. I know that the risk are high for heartache, conception, and the dreaded STD. Plus, there is the drama that comes with such activity. I try to live drama free if I can.

On the other hand, there is a sense of need for payback. I know it seems immature, but some of my manhood seems to have been lost in all the recent happenings. There is a feeling that having my way with the ladies for my own enjoyment and pleasure will restore something to me. There is also the general physical desire/need for sex. After ten years of marriage you get used to some kind of action. And last but not least, there seems to be a gravitational pull by women that are both willing and ready.

So, what is a man to do? I know most men don't seem to have this struggle. They decided a long time ago (puberty) that they were going to get all that they could get...morals, faith, and risk be damned. I don't know if I have the heart for all that. There is the small presence of genuine interest in women. Sexual conquest might be the driving factor, but there may be room for something serious. I can't quite decide what to do. There is a saying that goes, "No one can be successful unless they can be themselves." I was myself. Failure seems to have found me in large quantity (relationally).

Well, there it is. My moral crisis. What would you do? Should I go for broke a try to be the MVP (Most Vicious Penis)by setting new records in lays, booty calls, and one night stands? Should I try to find something like a real relationship complete with caring, consideration, and love? Or, should I take some time to get myself straight, stick to my moral roots, and hold on to the my faith? Again, what would you do?