LOVE ETERNAL...

And now we have these three left; faith, hope, and love. Love being the greatest among these (paraphrase from 1 Cor. 13). The Bible says that above all stand Faith, Hope, and Love. And, out of those three stands Love alone. You should read the whole chapter to get the full effect of the very poetic and true statements of 1 Cor. 13. It is often read at weddings and whatnot. But I digress.

What makes Faith, Hope, and Love so great? Well, faith is the evidence of things hoped for, the substance of things unseen. When you find yourself in a place where things look bleak faith may be all you have left. It might sound like a weakness but it's a strength. Faith in God is the greatest of faiths. Yet, faith in oneself and a hopeful future is powerful in and of itself. Faith is what is needed to please God and live righteously. It is the full for progress and greatness.

Hope is the fuel that fans the flames of faith. Hope is needed if one is to ever overcome unwanted circumstances. There is no drive, no motivation, no hmmmph...when you need it. Hope is essential for life on this earth. I think one reason we don't press on and do better is because we are hopeless (I'll touch on that another time). The President won because even if his ideas haven't been hopefull, his message was. Biblically speaking, hope is a gift from God. We hope based on his promises for a brighter day.

Finally, we come to Love. Love is so fantastic it is deemed to be the greatest of all things. Love is what fuels faith, hope, and all things worthy. Love is what drove our God to sacrifice on our behalf. Love is what drives people to stretch themselves for others. Love is what is needed today, tomorrow and forever more. When love is present or made life is always the result.

So, why is love the greatest? Love is the greatest because at some point faith will be no more for all that his believed will come to pass. Hope will go the same way. All things hoped for will be fulfilled. Those things will be before our very eyes both now and forever more. But love....love is ever present and never complete as you can give it over and over. God is love, therefore love is eternal.

The one thing that will transcend time and space is love. It continues on. It is like a form of energy. It can not be destroyed and changes form as it is released into the world. Love is truly a magnificent and powerful entity. Unseen and yet an action. It has the power to create, the power to provide, the power to propel us beyond what we know to be our limits. It is incredible.

So, why am I writing about love? Well, my Chocolate Princess continues to infer and suggest that I am still in love with my wife. To some extent that is true. For my love was true for her and therefore can not be voided. It can't be destroyed nor replaced. However, the terms upon which my wife experienced my love have been violated. I wish her well. I have high hopes for her future. Sadly, she can never experience my love as she once did before.

This could be a gender issue as well. I think women are better built or have a higher tolerance for infidelity. I don't know if nurture, nature, or purpose but women seem to be able to withstand aughts against the heart. Men can not. There is no coming back from infidelity for most men. It is a crushing blow that seems that it can not be overcome by men. To add to that I don't desire to overcome it. Call it pride. Call it ego. Call it what you want...I'm not built that way. Also, I don't believe my wife has any interest either. I take her at her word that she doesn't love me.

So, with all that I say this; Love is eternal. It doesn't end and can't be destroyed. It does change form and its experience most certainly can change. My love for my wife is eternal. I will not revoke my feelings for her. They stand forever. There is no going back. No reneging. Yet, I must go on. I am free and my love desires to bless another at this time. The laws of the spirit can not be revoked. Love will ring eternal!

PEPPERMINT BARK

I was recently introduced to a wonderful treat called Peppermint Bark. It is a chocolate scare with milk chocolate on one side and peppermint on the other. The product is made by Ghirardelli Chocolate. I recommend that you pick some up if you have the chance. I see interesting correlations between this delicious treat and the one that introduced us.

The Bark is a unique mixture of flavors. It's sweet and refreshing and leaves you with a wonderful sensation after you have consumed it. This is true of my friend. I call her my Chocolate Princess. She is multifaceted with many flavors and is always refreshing to my soul.

In addition to the wonderful taste of the Bark, it is difficult to find. Not every store carries this edition of the Ghirardelli Chocolate. Though you can find Ghirardelli almost everywhere this Bark is a rare find. Again, my Chocolate Princess is a woman like any other and yet not like any other. She is unique, a rare find. Something special. I tell her this all the time but she thinks I'm running game. It's understandable, but I don't have game...as my friend says, "that is my game."

The last comparison I will make is not exactly a pleasant one. The Peppermint Bark is only here for a short period of time. It is a "limited edition." It is a holiday special. Consequently, I have consumed a great deal of it and have sought to share it with many. Sadly, my Chocolate Princess continues to state that she believes our relationship is only for a season and that one day I will move on. I don't hold to this belief. However, it's hard to overcome a self-fulfilled prophecy and if that is her aim how can I overcome it?

If you have a Peppermint Bark or Chocolate Princess in your hands I recommend that you savor the flavor and all the refreshment it brings. One never knows how long it will be around nor if it shall return. Strike while the iron is hot. Leap while the waters are troubled. If you wait, you may miss out on a wonderful treat and be left with only regret.

Ti's the Season

This is a bitter sweet time of the year for me now. It was once the opening to the best time of the year as far as I was concerned. Football is in full swing. The Holiday's are being swept in along with the beautiful changing of the leaves. First, comes Thanksgiving. Then, next up would be my wedding anniversary. Followed by Christmas, my birthday, my wife's birthday, and the hope of the New Year. Much has changed in just a few months.

According to my wife's report, November is the month my marriage brought to its end. Up until this point my marriage was salvageable. What had taken place could have been turned back, repaired, reconciled. This is the month where my marriage jumped the shark. This was when my wife took things to a point of no return. What took place during this month can not be taken back, can not be erased, can not be dissolved.

This is the month when what was mine in spirit and by law was freely given to another. It was during this time that my heart was betrayed for a small bag of silver. Once you take it there ain't no coming back. I can't help but to reflect on this happening even a little bit. It doesn't occupy my mind but I do find that it surfaces here and there.

I remember gathering with family and my wife seeming distant. As I look back I wander was that the day? Was that when my world stood still, the moon turned blood red, and the seven seals were opened? My wife never would tell me the day. She claims she doesn't remember. I find that hard to believe. She claims it took place around Thanksgiving. It's possible. Not the greatest of holiday memories, but the truth is the truth.

I'll never really know when, how, and how many times the dastardly deed took place. What I do know is that it was in this season that what God joined together, man tore asunder. This year there will be no anniversary, no birthday celebrations, no Christmas Eve at the in-laws. No, what will be this year is undue complicated maneuvering to make my children feel as comfortable as possible as this will be the first year ever that they will not have both parents present during the holidays. Oh well, Ti's the season...

Do you really want to know me?

One of the complaints my wife voiced before she left was that I didn't make her feel special. She said that I treated her like I treat any other woman. She even got upset because I would talk politics with a female co-worker of mine. Keep in mind, my wife had no interest in politics whatsoever. Anyway, she would always say that I didn't do anything with her that I didn't do with other women, save sex. That simply wasn't true. There was something I shared with her that I shared with only her. The issue was, did she want it?

Intimacy is a common issue and complaint of women concerning men. Women tend to believe that a man is only interested in being intimate in one way, sex! For the most part that's true. Rather, that is the primary mode of intimacy men desire to pursue. I submit this argument while I'm here. Women complain about intimacy but they don't know what any other form of intimacy looks like so in essence they're just complaining. Back to the issue at hand. Truth is, men share their hearts with their women quite often in a deeply intimate way. Problem is that women miss it.

When my wife told me that I didn't share anything with her I knew from the rip that she had missed it. I shared something that most men won't ever share with their friends, co-workers, family members, or anybody else.....I shared my insecurities. Let me tell you women, if a man tells you about his perceived shortcomings or fears he is sharing the deepest, darkest, parts of his heart. This is high level, top secret, classified, male intimacy. Don't miss it.

Most women think that their man is just complaining or whining about what's going wrong in his life. That isn't the case. If I tell you what my dreams are and the roadblocks I'm facing I'm sharing something deep. Men won't share their fears, insecurities, or weaknesses at work, at the gym, and not with the boys. A man has to present with a strong front. Life is war and a warrior would never show his point of weakness. Yet, every man has one at least. He longs for a safe place to be known. He's not asking for a woman to fix it but just for her listening ear.

I used to share my fears with my wife. Share my pain. I wasn't looking for her to answer those things. I was just looking to be known...good and bad. I wanted her to see the whole me. She saw it as weakness, not strength. She didn't use the information to build me up but to tear me down. She didn't let it bring us closer but instead let it put a wedge between us. My wife isn't alone in how she perceived my sharing. I have talked to quite a few women that found this type of sharing to be repugnant. When I tell them how their man is opening up to them they all seem shocked that they didn't see it.

Women want Clint Eastwood, Denzel, Obama...men that present as invincible supermen that don't have insecurities, shortcomings, or fears. They want a scripted man that knows how to respond to every situation. Is always in a position of strength. And, who never shows vulnerability. They want a fictional man. Maybe this is how it is to be. Maybe men ought not share their hearts on all sides. Maybe, it's just too much. Maybe women don't really want to know the complete man.

If you do want to know the whole man then listen for the heart of the man that shares his insecurities. It is rare. It is special. You will find that you will know your man in a way no one else does. Don't be repelled by the other side of his strength. It takes strength for a man to unveil himself in such a manner. If you haven't gotten to this place of intimacy ask yourself; "Do I really want to know him?"

CRAZY

Don't ever go against your better judgment. Think about it, it's called "better judgment." I did such a thing about two months ago. Everything started off simple and innocent. A female acquaintance asked if we could hang out. There were no parameters or expectations placed on the time. It was just going to be two people hanging out. A little dinner and dancing...that was it. I've hung out with many woman as "friends" without issue so I figured it was cool. It wasn't.

We went out for dinner, drinks, and then some dancing. While we were dancing we shared a kiss or few...it was cool. After that I escorted her home. I thought to myself, "that was cool. Nothing major...just cool." The next day I'm getting text asking me to join her and her sister at a bar for drinks and other activities. When I turned that down she offered to buy me breakfast the following day. Keep in mind I made it clear that after that evening I would be spending time with my family. That did not deter her.

The text continued to fly. She continued to indicate that she couldn't wait to see me again so she could kiss me (apparently a brother has skills). She was stroking my ego big time and I was enjoying that. She was already planning to make a drive to see me at my home. I thought about the situation and felt that it wouldn't be wise to do so. I shared my reservations with the woman. I was clear that if she made a trip to my home sex would be had. She agreed. I made it clear that I wasn't interested in a serious relationship. She agreed. I said, and I quote, "I don't want to be a part of your pain." She said that she was an adult and was certain that I wouldn't be....

She pressed the issues and as the saying goes, a gentleman will only be a gentleman for so long. I wanted to get physical, she wanted to get physical...it was on. I should have stood strong and held my ground. I know that 99.9% of women on this earth can't handle that type of arrangement. This was not one of the .01%. She was already making plans for a return to my home. I was already making plans not to ever have another meeting of this kind again.

I stalled when she inquired about the next meeting time by saying, "let's wait and see." She felt put off. She was wondering what happened. To make it worse, she is under the belief that she really "rocked my world." I don't know where she got that from cause she wasn't even close. I was polite and clear about things. I thanked her for sharing herself with me but I didn't think it should go any further. I told her I thought she should take some time to clear her mind and leave the whole relationship piece alone for now.

She took offense. Tried to push me further. She said things like, "you have to get over it sometime." And, "You have to push past all this." I took offense at her response. I asked her how does one "push" past 10 years? I told her I was doing what I thought and know is best for me. She tried to act like she was coming back to her senses. She tried to apologize and act sane. She even thanked me for helping her gain clarity. That only lasted for so long. It was only a few days before loooooongggggggg e-mails and text messages started again. She was like fatal attraction lite.

This woman is disturbed. In her mind, God has brought us together for a reason. I'm really into her but scared that she is going to hurt me. And, that I am suppressing my heartfelt emotions for her. It is as though she is hearing voices cause all this has been constructed from my silence. I don't think God brought us together. I'm not scared of being hurt (not by her, desire is needed for emotional pain to occur). And the only thing I'm covering up is my disgust for her behavior and how she repels me even as a friend. I'm disturbed, but not in the same way.

So here I am, my thoughts are typically far far away from this woman. I don't text her, call her, e-mail her, check on her FB page, comment on her FB page, nothing.... Yet, I continue to receive correspondence from her as though I respond. Today she asked me via text if I wanted a book she just read. I said no. She was offended. Who does that? Who gets offended because you don't want to read a book? A crazy person, that's who! I should have known better. I should have done better. I should have listened to better judgment. Now she's driving me crazy and on the verge of making me be something I'm not...Outright ignorant.

Q & A

The Question: Did I ever have a chance?

Answer: Never seen you like that. You were more of a brother. Too much of a good boy too... I like bad boys!! Lol

What you see above is part of the phenomena seen on facebook.com where people can't wait to put their business out in the street. The game works like this, you ask a person a question under the cloak of the "inbox." In turn, the person you ask the question to post both the question and the answer for all to see on their page. The question above is one that I posed to a female friend of mine from college. Her response only serves to prove my point....GOOD GUYS AIN'T WORTH SHIT!!!!

Let me tell you this concerning my friend. There was once a time when I escorted her to her room because she was intoxicated (one beer) I wanted to make sure she made it back safely. Once in her room she starts kissing and hugging on me and asking me to stay. Under fear of rape accusations I broke camp. Many of our close mutual female friends swear she was faking to give herself an excuse. Well, maybe she wasn't. After all, I never had a chance.

It's not like I wanted this chick to say "game on." She's married with kids. It's just that I would have liked to have been looked at with that type of potential. Even if you don't want a job it's nice to know you have options. I don't even have options. I'm cursed by my niceness. Damned by my respectful ways. I should be calling women bitches, hoes, and chicken heads. I should find em', fool em', fuck em', and forget em' (Eric Jerome Dickey).

I know there is a place for men like me somewhere in the world. That place might be a monastery or the priesthood, but it's somewhere. Opportunity after opportunity has passed me by because I'm too much of a gentleman, too much of a good guy. BULLSHIT!!! No wonder the good guys are bad guys in this world. There is no room for men of respect, men of character. There is only room for selfish, conniving, cheating, lying, bastards that would do and say anything to get what they want. Of course, that's what women want. An unbeatable challenge.

Question: Where's the Prince Charming women have been dreaming of?

Answer: Trapped inside a good guy that can't get a second look if he were a flaming ball of fire.

THE POISON PILL

The term "poison pill" is a term used in the corporate world to fend off a hostile takeover. The term is also used in sports concerning contract negotiations. For my purposes I will use the functional definition for "poison pill" used in sports. When teams are negotiating with a player in sports they can offer a player a "poison pill" contract that does significant damage to the players former team if they decide to match the contract offer. The contract may consist of more years or more money than the former team is willing to pay. It can also contain terms that the former team isn't willing to touch (like guaranteeing that a player always be the highest paid at their position). Either the former team loses the player, takes the financial hit, or accept a contract they don't want.

This is what my wife has given me concerning my children. To add insult to injury my wife took my children under a cloud of deceit and maintains what would be considered primary custody. The poison pill in this deal is that I only get to see my kids on the weekends, every weekend. I love my kids and they love me. I wish I had more time for them but my work schedule and the distance between us does not allow for many weekday visits. Hence, I have a choice that really is no choice at all. Here is the poison of the pill.

Since I have my kids every weekend my social life is almost Nil. Most people still kick it on the weekends, save college students. Hence, my hang out time with friends or those of the opposite sex is totally shut down. Thus far I have had to turn down some pretty excellent company (female), free tickets to a comedy show, and hanging out with friends I haven't seen for quite some time. My weekends consist of regular trips to the park, Chuck E. Cheese, and animated movies. Whooo Hooo!!!!

In light of my weekend lock down I have a handful of choices. I could get a sitter for my kids and roll out with the friends and what not. That's not a great choice cause my kids come to see me and I want to see them so I really don't want to cut my time short. I could ask my wife to keep the kids for a weekend here and there. That's a no show. I wouldn't give her the pleasure of being at her mercy. Plus, my kids would be upset they didn't see me. Not really a win-win situation.

So, here I am. Little to no social life. I love my kids with a passion. I wouldn't trade them for anything. If this is my life from here till then, so be it. But it sure does burn me up that I have no social life, only see my kids on the weekends, and my wife gets to kick it every week with guaranteed child care. Where is the justice in that? I really need a weekend with the cousins or something to give me a kickin' it weekend. Ah well, it is what it is. In other words, I'm complaining with no real solution. She got me good with the poison pill.