CRAZY

Don't ever go against your better judgment. Think about it, it's called "better judgment." I did such a thing about two months ago. Everything started off simple and innocent. A female acquaintance asked if we could hang out. There were no parameters or expectations placed on the time. It was just going to be two people hanging out. A little dinner and dancing...that was it. I've hung out with many woman as "friends" without issue so I figured it was cool. It wasn't.

We went out for dinner, drinks, and then some dancing. While we were dancing we shared a kiss or few...it was cool. After that I escorted her home. I thought to myself, "that was cool. Nothing major...just cool." The next day I'm getting text asking me to join her and her sister at a bar for drinks and other activities. When I turned that down she offered to buy me breakfast the following day. Keep in mind I made it clear that after that evening I would be spending time with my family. That did not deter her.

The text continued to fly. She continued to indicate that she couldn't wait to see me again so she could kiss me (apparently a brother has skills). She was stroking my ego big time and I was enjoying that. She was already planning to make a drive to see me at my home. I thought about the situation and felt that it wouldn't be wise to do so. I shared my reservations with the woman. I was clear that if she made a trip to my home sex would be had. She agreed. I made it clear that I wasn't interested in a serious relationship. She agreed. I said, and I quote, "I don't want to be a part of your pain." She said that she was an adult and was certain that I wouldn't be....

She pressed the issues and as the saying goes, a gentleman will only be a gentleman for so long. I wanted to get physical, she wanted to get physical...it was on. I should have stood strong and held my ground. I know that 99.9% of women on this earth can't handle that type of arrangement. This was not one of the .01%. She was already making plans for a return to my home. I was already making plans not to ever have another meeting of this kind again.

I stalled when she inquired about the next meeting time by saying, "let's wait and see." She felt put off. She was wondering what happened. To make it worse, she is under the belief that she really "rocked my world." I don't know where she got that from cause she wasn't even close. I was polite and clear about things. I thanked her for sharing herself with me but I didn't think it should go any further. I told her I thought she should take some time to clear her mind and leave the whole relationship piece alone for now.

She took offense. Tried to push me further. She said things like, "you have to get over it sometime." And, "You have to push past all this." I took offense at her response. I asked her how does one "push" past 10 years? I told her I was doing what I thought and know is best for me. She tried to act like she was coming back to her senses. She tried to apologize and act sane. She even thanked me for helping her gain clarity. That only lasted for so long. It was only a few days before loooooongggggggg e-mails and text messages started again. She was like fatal attraction lite.

This woman is disturbed. In her mind, God has brought us together for a reason. I'm really into her but scared that she is going to hurt me. And, that I am suppressing my heartfelt emotions for her. It is as though she is hearing voices cause all this has been constructed from my silence. I don't think God brought us together. I'm not scared of being hurt (not by her, desire is needed for emotional pain to occur). And the only thing I'm covering up is my disgust for her behavior and how she repels me even as a friend. I'm disturbed, but not in the same way.

So here I am, my thoughts are typically far far away from this woman. I don't text her, call her, e-mail her, check on her FB page, comment on her FB page, nothing.... Yet, I continue to receive correspondence from her as though I respond. Today she asked me via text if I wanted a book she just read. I said no. She was offended. Who does that? Who gets offended because you don't want to read a book? A crazy person, that's who! I should have known better. I should have done better. I should have listened to better judgment. Now she's driving me crazy and on the verge of making me be something I'm not...Outright ignorant.