Sunday Mornings

As I sit in my grandmother's kitchen this Sunday morning I had a moment of reflection on my life. Just a few years ago on any given Sunday I would have been found in a church somewhere, teaching class, praying, or participating in the service in some form or fashion. I literally went a decade where I believe I missed a sum total of 3 Sunday services during that time. My how things have changed.

A few years ago you would have seen me, my wife, and my children making our way to church service come hail, sleet, or snow. We were dedicated to the church (and God) and it showed. I went every Sunday expecting something special to happen. What that something was I had no idea, but I was expecting. I was highly revering of the pastor of the church and sought to be counted among them. I had aspirations of spreading the Gospel across the world and bringing honor to Christ name.

A few years ago you would have found me giving as much money as I could possibly afford, and some I couldn't, to the church in an effort to build up the "kingdom." I would have been defending the decisions of the pastor and the lifestyle they live. I would have gladly withstood claims that I was a member of a cult and that I had been brainwashed. I would have been doing a lot different things just a few years ago.

Now, I hardly ever go to church. If I do it's because I want my children to be exposed to the practices of faith and not be complete heathens. I find that I'm seriously bored by church. I'm bothered by the rhetoric, by the pedestal treatment of the leaders, and the unfulfilled unpromissed unwritten hope that is delved out weekly. The church has become so enculterated with materialism, popularity, and status that you really can't tell the difference between them and any hip hop show on Mtv. I find it hard to stomach.

Apart from my own issues with the church is the fact that so much of my life has fallen apart when all I wanted to do was serve him. I've lost my wife, partially lost my children, have no desire to serve, and I am viewed as a dangerous person by those I once served with. There is good reason to be cautious of me as a spiritual person. I'm dangerous. I'm well versed in theology and know the difference between philosophy and reality. I can argue with the best of them. I can tear up a persons belief system if I were wicked and reckless. I'm not.

I think some believers are afraid because they fear that I'll bust their bubble. I will question their beliefs with no real retort or answer to my questions. I'm a man with an experience and sadly they are men with an argument. My experience does not match their argument, nor does most of their experiences match their own beliefs. That's what makes it hard for me to return to church. It's that most of what is spoken from the pulpit just isn't a reality for most people and not supported by the Bible.

When you read the Bible you see people living what is being preached. There is a reality and a fusion of theology, faith, and life. I don't see this today. Hear me out, there is a real faith, real promises, and a real God. I just don't see that being promoted regularly. Sunday mornings aren't what they used to be. worship and prayer have been replaced by pre-game shows. My sermon comes from sportscenter. My sacrifice comes in the form of what's being cooked for breakfast. I hope I can return one day....it just doesn't seem to be anytime soon.