STAND FIRM

I have recently come to a great revelation in life. My partner at work has been trying to communicate this to me as she has shared her significant other's methods and function in relationship. Being slow like I am I was missing it. But in the midst of anger and frustration it all became clear to me.

I am the poster boy for the "good guy." I'm nice, polite, respectful, chivalrous, caring, and deferring. In short, I'm weak. Not weak as in can't defend myself or stand up for others. I'm weak as in a I don't hold my ground or force the issue. Case in point, I recently missed out on some serious lovin' from a beautiful and sexy woman because I was too much of a "gentleman." The curse of the good guy strikes again.

Throughout most of my life I've been looking to change to something that I'm not. Recently, I thought I could be a dog. In some ways I have been. In other ways I haven't. I let em' down slow and easy with honesty and care. That ain't no dog. Nope, not even close. I thought I could do it. I thought I could transform into a womanizing monster only out for self. I can't do it. It's not in me.

In recent weeks three different women have stated that if my "swag" were more on point I could pull more woman and get the panties. "Swag" was likened to me as a cover letter to a great resume'. It's the outer shell of the inner person. I've been told I've got "potential." I've been told that I'm a great guy. Yet, I've been told that I don't make women want me because of my lack of swag or presentation. This pisses me off...well it used to.

While discussing the issue with my best friend he said I was like Eli Manning, quarterback of the New York Football Giants. Eli Manning has been knocked for his lack of verbal leadership. They say he's too laid back. Too relaxed. Too cool. Things don't seem to bother him. They want him to be like his brother Peyton or his neighbor to the North, Tom Brady. Those guys are known as strong leaders with strong personalities. He's not.

Despite the criticisms, Eli has a Championship Ring. That's the goal of the NFL, get the Trophy. So, Eli stuck to his guns. He stayed true to himself. And he won. I'm learning that's what I need to do. I would normally look to craft myself to the liking of others so I wouldn't miss out on what they offer. I've come to realize that they need to be concerned about what they are missing out on.

It goes like this; If a woman decides to engage me then they have gained. If they decide to pass then they have lost. Equal gain, equal loss. I'm not changing for other people. You're either with the program or your not. Same goes for me. There may be something there worth sticking around for. There may be something deemed to be worth while. However, there may be deal breakers. Both parties need to make a decision. I'm making mine now. I'm either a fit for you and you for me, or I'm not.

Why carry on looking to change or hoping for something more in a person. It's not going to happen. I think that's what happened with my wife. I think she was looking for something more to take place. She was hoping for something other. Didn't happen the way she wanted so she was discontent. Why put that undue pressure on the relationship. Buy the product in front of you. See Buyer Beware. Otherwise you're asking for trouble from the jump.

Like I said before, it's hard to find that relational match. I've found a woman that I highly enjoy. She's beautiful, sexy, smart, funny...a joy to be around. Yet, she has some worldview, core beliefs that I can't get with. I'm not what she's used to. I could move to make changes so I'd be more her match. That would be the normal me. Or, I could stay me (what I am) and accept that we can't move on. I don't want to miss out on her. I think she's something special. Yet, I'm going to stand firm. I am what I am. It is what it is. I'm standing firm on me.