One of the complaints my wife voiced before she left was that I didn't make her feel special. She said that I treated her like I treat any other woman. She even got upset because I would talk politics with a female co-worker of mine. Keep in mind, my wife had no interest in politics whatsoever. Anyway, she would always say that I didn't do anything with her that I didn't do with other women, save sex. That simply wasn't true. There was something I shared with her that I shared with only her. The issue was, did she want it?
Intimacy is a common issue and complaint of women concerning men. Women tend to believe that a man is only interested in being intimate in one way, sex! For the most part that's true. Rather, that is the primary mode of intimacy men desire to pursue. I submit this argument while I'm here. Women complain about intimacy but they don't know what any other form of intimacy looks like so in essence they're just complaining. Back to the issue at hand. Truth is, men share their hearts with their women quite often in a deeply intimate way. Problem is that women miss it.
When my wife told me that I didn't share anything with her I knew from the rip that she had missed it. I shared something that most men won't ever share with their friends, co-workers, family members, or anybody else.....I shared my insecurities. Let me tell you women, if a man tells you about his perceived shortcomings or fears he is sharing the deepest, darkest, parts of his heart. This is high level, top secret, classified, male intimacy. Don't miss it.
Most women think that their man is just complaining or whining about what's going wrong in his life. That isn't the case. If I tell you what my dreams are and the roadblocks I'm facing I'm sharing something deep. Men won't share their fears, insecurities, or weaknesses at work, at the gym, and not with the boys. A man has to present with a strong front. Life is war and a warrior would never show his point of weakness. Yet, every man has one at least. He longs for a safe place to be known. He's not asking for a woman to fix it but just for her listening ear.
I used to share my fears with my wife. Share my pain. I wasn't looking for her to answer those things. I was just looking to be known...good and bad. I wanted her to see the whole me. She saw it as weakness, not strength. She didn't use the information to build me up but to tear me down. She didn't let it bring us closer but instead let it put a wedge between us. My wife isn't alone in how she perceived my sharing. I have talked to quite a few women that found this type of sharing to be repugnant. When I tell them how their man is opening up to them they all seem shocked that they didn't see it.
Women want Clint Eastwood, Denzel, Obama...men that present as invincible supermen that don't have insecurities, shortcomings, or fears. They want a scripted man that knows how to respond to every situation. Is always in a position of strength. And, who never shows vulnerability. They want a fictional man. Maybe this is how it is to be. Maybe men ought not share their hearts on all sides. Maybe, it's just too much. Maybe women don't really want to know the complete man.
If you do want to know the whole man then listen for the heart of the man that shares his insecurities. It is rare. It is special. You will find that you will know your man in a way no one else does. Don't be repelled by the other side of his strength. It takes strength for a man to unveil himself in such a manner. If you haven't gotten to this place of intimacy ask yourself; "Do I really want to know him?"
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