FATHER'S DAY

It's Father's Day weekend and I'm in a very reflective mood. I'm thinking of the joy it has brought me to be a father. I'm thinking of the joy it has brought me to have father figures (My grandfather, family friend I called "Da Da," Step-Father, Coach, and a host of uncles). I'm thinking of the impact they have all had upon my life. And, I'm thinking about the impact those absent from their son's and daughter's lives has upon them, be it physical or emotional.

Nothing has made me more proud than to be a father. I literally sit and stare at my children and take in all of their beauty as products of love. My greatest burden is to properly raise my children in a way that will leave them as good people, people you'd like as friends, neighbors, and co-workers. It is a challenge. Yet, it is a challenge I would gladly accept over and over again.

I often think about the man I am and the man I could have been if my father was more active in my life and had lived longer. I think I might be more aggressive. I think I would have had more of a killer instinct. Instead, I have the sensibilities of a 50+ year old man as passed on to me by my grandfather. He was in the laid back years of life. Consequently, I've picked up those traits. I have thoughts that I might be further along in my attainment of goals had I been socialized by a younger man. To be certain, my grandfather was all man. He was just a man at a different stage in life. I get my irreverence for authority, wit, and arrogance from my grandfather. He was a, "I don't give an F" type of guy. I love and miss him dearly.

There are many good things I learned from my grandfather. I learned how to love my wife from him. He served my grandmother well. He even set up his entire funeral and hers without her knowledge. When he passed away there was little my grandmother had to do to prepare for his funeral. Prior to his death, he kissed my grandmother daily before he left the house and before bed. He never gave up. Even in his late 70's as a double amputee, he continued physical therapy in an effort to learn to walk again to alleviate the wear and tear his daily care had on my grandmother. He was funny, wise, insightful, supportive, and caring. I hope I live up to his mantle.

I think of many of the young men I have work with that expressly stated that they think they would be different if they had a father. Such statements are heart breaking to me. I know how it feels not to have a father, to a degree. I remember the pain I felt when I filed for my marriage license and discovered that there was no name to represent my father on my birth certificate. I was a certified bastard. These young men are emotionally disturbed, socially awkward, criminal in nature, and lack direction. It's a sad commentary on the state of our society.

The impact of fatherlessness is seen in stars such as LeBron James and Chris Brown. LeBron James lacks character in his approach to sports, life, and people in general. He had difficulty showing up for the big moments in his career. He doesn't know how to win. He doesn't know how to lose gracefully and with tact. Instead, he runs off the court. Neither acknowledging his defeat nor congratulating his opponent with a "job well done." He does not handle adversity well. This is a direct reflection of the gaping hole of manly leadership in his life.

Chris Brown has committed the most haneous of sins for any man, beating a woman. To top it all off, he had the nerve to be offended and throw a bitch fit when confronted about his actions. A man may hit a woman, deplorable as that is, but if he is a man he will step up and face his shame. This BOY, did not take responsibility and ran away somehow finding victim status. These are only two of the recent happenings in popular culture that accent the need for men.

As I reflect on Father's Day I have come to the conclusion that Father's Day is not a congratulatory show of thanks for those men that are fathers. Rather, it is a call to responsibility, accountability, and leadership. Father's are needed more today than perhaps at any time in history. Our very survival is dependent upon it.