I have had a few life changing events throughout my time. I'd say most of them were death related. There was the summer at age 14 when both my father and my father figure (affectionately known as Da Da) died. That triggered a physiological change in my body that lasted for years to come. I was sick in a way that I had freedom to simply up and leave class without notice. I often did, not always for sickness.
My former wife tells my that I have never been the same since the death of my grandfather. She said that I was edgy, mean. I can't say that I had noticed it before. I also can't deny the validity of what she said. The loss of my grandfather was such a mammoth blow to heart and spirit it was like I died. I don't think I ever recovered or dropped what was left after his death.
During conversation today my best friend told me that I haven't been the same since my wife left me. I didn't deny that. There is no doubt I'm a different person. I told him I'm afraid this may be as good as it gets. There may be no recovery beyond this point. It's kind of sad in a way. I liked the person I used to be. This guy now, is somewhat of a stranger.
I'm a bit concerned because I don't think I will ever be the same. I don't think I'll return to the man I once was. I can't really say I'm going to be a better man because of these events either. I've been corrupted. There is no "system restore" button. I'm like some disfigured war vet. There are enough parts of me left that you recognize me, but I bear the scars of battle, and I will never be the same.
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