My life seems to grow ever frustrating day by day. The pain of my lost marriage has mildly diminished. Like a sore that you think is healed when tested reveals all the pain that remains. My finances are pitiful. I should be on welfare and I soon may be. No matter what I do, eat at home, eat out, spend other peoples money, it all ends the same-BROKE! My love life is shitty. Much of it is dependent upon an improved financial standing (if any hope of a lasting relationship). And to top it all off, a woman that seems to give herself freely most men treats my affection like it's a virus. Rejected by the rejected.
I really can't take much more at this point. I'm tired. I'm tired of struggling. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of the bullshit. Pray, don't pray. All the same. Serve, don't serve. All the same. Worship, don't worship. Results all the same. I am cursed. I am unlovable. I am a loser of the lowest kind. I'm a worthless human being. A man that is less than a man as I can't take care of my own business. I shared in a sacrifice that is now eating my ass alive and I can't escape it. Even worse, the one I sacrificed for is long gone and on to new things.
I am an ever complimented never winning soul. I have all types of confirmed talents and no outlet, no pay day, no fruition. What is a man to do? What can a man do? Live, if you can even call this life, this way till death? Why not hasten the process? I work hard. I study. I follow. I do what is right. Yet, all I seem to get is wrong. Even when I think I have a blessing it turns out to be a curse. I can only account this to myself. Others seem to handle things significantly better than I. Times like these I just feel like, "Fuck It! I'm tired."
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