Writing is such an incredibly cathartic process. I remember being in grad school and hearing about journaling and what not being cathartic. I used to think I could use that with my clients but had never really given it much thought for myself. One of the reasons being that my hand cramps up from writing (actual writing). It is an incredibly powerful tool.
I write when I'm angry, inspired, motivated, bored, and just trying to think some things through. It's funny because people ask me about some of my writings in other venues and I always have a tough time recalling what they're talking about. After I put a thought down I tend to leave it right there. That's where the power of writing is felt as far as anger, anxiety, and disappointment goes. I'm able to get my thoughts and feelings out and leave them right there.
Writing allows me to be profane, raw, and unfiltered. I don't have to hold back or watch what I say. If by chance a person is offended they have the freedom and hopefully the good sense to stop reading. Once that raw part of me is placed down on the electron parchment I'm free of it. The process is phenomenal. Add to that the fact that you can look back and review where you were emotionally, intellectually, and mood wise on a particular day it's truly amazing.
I highly recommend that you find a place to put your thoughts down on paper and get the release you need. Some people write everyday. I don't do that. I could, I've got lot's on my mind but I don't find it necessary. You may. Whatever you find works for you, works for you. I'm just saying let the pen or keyboard be the release valve you need to find a piece of insanity during those times when you've lost all semblance of sanity. Trust me on this one, it's cathartic.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Resolve
RESOLVE: to come to a definite or earnest decision about; determine (to do something). I have resolved to live life and live it to the full. I had my little bitch fit earlier today. Those things will happen. However, I can't stay there. I can't sulk in anger and pity. That's not who I am. That's not who I want to be.
I've decided to say "fuck it" and do what is necessary. I'm going to fight to keep my home and get my finances in order. However, if I find that this task is not feasible then I shall resolve to press on and live. I'm not going to let the loss of a home, credit rating, or even pride stop me from living.
I'm already crafting an exit plan that includes a short sale, move to an apartment close to work and my children, and a continued search for supplemental income to handle my other financial concerns. I'm going to inquire about my car purchasing options to see if I can upgrade to a vehicle that's better on mileage. If not, I'll make due with what I have until better comes along.
I'm tired of being frustrated with a problem that is clearly identified and simply (don't read easy) handled. I can't give up. Such a surrender would only lead to more of the same and render me powerless to the circumstances I find myself in. I'm moving forward, wounded, but moving. I resolve to fight this. I resolve to overcome. I resolve to love, to give, to enjoy, to share, to bless. I'M A LIVE!!!! I'M A LIVE!!!!!!!!!!
I've decided to say "fuck it" and do what is necessary. I'm going to fight to keep my home and get my finances in order. However, if I find that this task is not feasible then I shall resolve to press on and live. I'm not going to let the loss of a home, credit rating, or even pride stop me from living.
I'm already crafting an exit plan that includes a short sale, move to an apartment close to work and my children, and a continued search for supplemental income to handle my other financial concerns. I'm going to inquire about my car purchasing options to see if I can upgrade to a vehicle that's better on mileage. If not, I'll make due with what I have until better comes along.
I'm tired of being frustrated with a problem that is clearly identified and simply (don't read easy) handled. I can't give up. Such a surrender would only lead to more of the same and render me powerless to the circumstances I find myself in. I'm moving forward, wounded, but moving. I resolve to fight this. I resolve to overcome. I resolve to love, to give, to enjoy, to share, to bless. I'M A LIVE!!!! I'M A LIVE!!!!!!!!!!
I would like to get Drunk
I would really like to get drunk right now! I would like to by a bottle of something, anything, and get sloppy, pass out drunk! I know it's a temporary answer to a permanent problem. But I would like some temporary relief right about now. I would like to escape into the mind of an altered mood where things aren't quite what they seem.
There are two things keeping me from doing this. The 1st is the presence of my children. I don't want them to see their father like this. That would be shameful and possibly damaging to them. I wish my children no harm. The 2nd is the fact that I have to go to work in the morning and I can't hide out in my office as I recover from my drunken stooper. Otherwise, I'd be knee deep in liquid poison.
I'm pissed off and I can't make that clear enough. Normally, I'd go to the gym and work off this type of anger with a good cardio and weight lifting stint. Unfortunately, my gym is closed and the closest location is 20 minutes or more away. Did I mention I'm FUCKED!
Everything big and small seems to be crumbling before my very eyes. I have family recovering from surgery, broken bones, and falls in another city. I've got financial problems out the ass and like most things I've done little to instigate this onslaught of attack. I've got a car that guzzles gas while gas is at an all time high because a donkey in the middle east decided to take a shit and nobody knows how that will affect oil futures! I bought that damn car when I had a full family and it seemed practical. I should have been selfish and bought a car that fit me as a man better. Something smaller with great gas mileage.
Damn I want a drink or two, or three, four or more....I need some relief. I need a break. I need a breakthrough. I need help and something beyond the bullshit words that everything is going to be alright. I have fears. Fears for my children's welfare. I keep hearing information that condemns them to a lifetime of struggle because they will be brought up in single parent homes. I know...spare me the bullshit that that doesn't have to be them. I know up close and personal what the absence of a parent does to a kid. I have zero resources to ease their pain. I have little options by way of contact. They live with their mom nearly an hour away. It's a two hour trip plus about $40 to visit them. Plus, I have to buy dinner or something because their mom won't let me visit at their home. She thinks I'm going to fuck up her house or something...I guess like she did my life. Anyway...I'm babbling now. I need a drink.
There are two things keeping me from doing this. The 1st is the presence of my children. I don't want them to see their father like this. That would be shameful and possibly damaging to them. I wish my children no harm. The 2nd is the fact that I have to go to work in the morning and I can't hide out in my office as I recover from my drunken stooper. Otherwise, I'd be knee deep in liquid poison.
I'm pissed off and I can't make that clear enough. Normally, I'd go to the gym and work off this type of anger with a good cardio and weight lifting stint. Unfortunately, my gym is closed and the closest location is 20 minutes or more away. Did I mention I'm FUCKED!
Everything big and small seems to be crumbling before my very eyes. I have family recovering from surgery, broken bones, and falls in another city. I've got financial problems out the ass and like most things I've done little to instigate this onslaught of attack. I've got a car that guzzles gas while gas is at an all time high because a donkey in the middle east decided to take a shit and nobody knows how that will affect oil futures! I bought that damn car when I had a full family and it seemed practical. I should have been selfish and bought a car that fit me as a man better. Something smaller with great gas mileage.
Damn I want a drink or two, or three, four or more....I need some relief. I need a break. I need a breakthrough. I need help and something beyond the bullshit words that everything is going to be alright. I have fears. Fears for my children's welfare. I keep hearing information that condemns them to a lifetime of struggle because they will be brought up in single parent homes. I know...spare me the bullshit that that doesn't have to be them. I know up close and personal what the absence of a parent does to a kid. I have zero resources to ease their pain. I have little options by way of contact. They live with their mom nearly an hour away. It's a two hour trip plus about $40 to visit them. Plus, I have to buy dinner or something because their mom won't let me visit at their home. She thinks I'm going to fuck up her house or something...I guess like she did my life. Anyway...I'm babbling now. I need a drink.
FUCKED
There is no help. There is no hope. There is only pain, disappoint, struggle, and then death (if you're lucky). I can't see any way out of this situation that will result in something pleasurable. I can only see a constant decrease in my standard of living. I'm going to be downsizing my house, my car, and likely my job title (in exchange for grunt work that pays more dollars). Worst of all will be the downsizing of seeing my children.
I was just informed last week that my child care expenses are going to double beginning this week. That is a jump from $200 to $400 a month. That plus the cost of my mortgage is the sum total of one take home pay check. Keep in mind this does not include car payment, gas, utilities, insurance, or food. I'm fucked!
Is there a cheaper way out of this? Sure there is. My estranged wife who lives in the vicinity of much of her family could have her family watch my daughter as they have during the summer and during the past school year. But remember, we're talking about my estranged wife. This wouldn't be right to her because it is fiscally smarter, involves asking family for help, does not carry the normal single parent/baby momma amenities of day care pick up where all the finest of folks meet to discuss food stamps and where they're kicking it this weekend. And let's not forget that it would help me.
No. Instead, I will will sell all at a loss, move to an apartment, and take on a job I hate while leaving a job I enjoy and likely won't be able to get back. I don't know what I did to God but sure I have sinned majorly. There is no head way for me. No light at the end of the tunnel. No breaks. I volunteered to work overtime hoping no one else would want to work weekends. Good luck with that. I work one day of OT per every 7-8 weeks. Yeah, that's going to make a dent in this financial nightmare. I'm fucked!
I keep saying it but I can't help it. I don't have cable, I don't have a new car (its 8 years old and dying), I don't kick it, I don't party, I don't even drink (an occasional MGD at the tune of $6, I know I'm killing the budget). I eat at home, I'm broke. I eat out, I'm broke. I don't buy clothes or shoes. I've got the same shoes I've had now for the last year at a total cost of $45. I'm no fashion guru. I really just want a simple life. I really want to be able to pay my bills and see a movie once in a while. Maybe take a woman out to dinner without fear. I"m fucked!
I've read Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. It's a good book. It's practical. It's right and true. However, at this point in time, in this economy, with my circumstances it seems impossible. I can't find part time employment to save my life. Believe me I'm applying and interviewing. The hours were made by people that must be determined to screw the shit out of you because they conflict with almost all other work schedules while only giving you part time employment. I'm fucked!
I've found a woman I can see myself loving. She has restored my faith in women in many ways. She's sweet, kind, caring, and incredibly generous. Yet, my circumstances would communicate a lack of care to bring anyone into this mess. I love you so much I'm going to bring you into a bunch of bullshit! That's not love. Even if I find additional employment I cut off my nose to spite my face. I won't see her again. Like my children, that schedule will be damned!!!! I'm fucked!
I can't really put it any other way. I can't move, I can't move on, I can't get ahead, I can't get help, I have no family support, my friends are old, sick, busy, or disinterested. I'm fucked. The family closest to me is two hours away and growing more ill and broken by the day. There is no assistance to be found there. I'm just happy those folks are still alive. At least I can hear their voices when I call (God knows I can't afford to visit). I'm fucked!
I blame my own foolish decision making on this. I blame the fact I married the woman I married. I blame the fact that out of a sense of faith and commitment I decided to live in a back woods city with a dying economy because I want to "Serve God." How foolish. Looks like I've served nothing. I'm blame myself for fucking around in college and not pursuing law school as planned. I blame myself for desiring to help people and choosing a course of study with a cap on earnings at the average income of people with next to zero education. I blame myself for trying to be responsible and not letting the house and the car go and declaring bankruptcy. I'm fucked!!!!!
I'm sorry for those of you that have read this. I'm sorry that you had to see the vile darkness that's in my heart. The anger, the profanity, the blasphemy, the bitterness. I'm fucked! I hope your lives are on a different course and you have light at the end of your tunnel. Never move away from your family support when you have children. You will need them, especially if the man or woman you had them with turns out to be a piece of shit. Never make a decision to stay in a city or any location because you wan to serve God at a specific church. You can serve God anywhere-Go where the money and opportunity is. Never choose a major simply because you love it. That shit sounds nice in books and speeches but when you have to pay for it and can't find work or can't make any money you'll remember what you loved and curse the day you chose it. Find something that will pay with little education. After you've made your money then go (debt free)to school and pursue your love. I'm fucked! And I don't mean that in no good way.
I was just informed last week that my child care expenses are going to double beginning this week. That is a jump from $200 to $400 a month. That plus the cost of my mortgage is the sum total of one take home pay check. Keep in mind this does not include car payment, gas, utilities, insurance, or food. I'm fucked!
Is there a cheaper way out of this? Sure there is. My estranged wife who lives in the vicinity of much of her family could have her family watch my daughter as they have during the summer and during the past school year. But remember, we're talking about my estranged wife. This wouldn't be right to her because it is fiscally smarter, involves asking family for help, does not carry the normal single parent/baby momma amenities of day care pick up where all the finest of folks meet to discuss food stamps and where they're kicking it this weekend. And let's not forget that it would help me.
No. Instead, I will will sell all at a loss, move to an apartment, and take on a job I hate while leaving a job I enjoy and likely won't be able to get back. I don't know what I did to God but sure I have sinned majorly. There is no head way for me. No light at the end of the tunnel. No breaks. I volunteered to work overtime hoping no one else would want to work weekends. Good luck with that. I work one day of OT per every 7-8 weeks. Yeah, that's going to make a dent in this financial nightmare. I'm fucked!
I keep saying it but I can't help it. I don't have cable, I don't have a new car (its 8 years old and dying), I don't kick it, I don't party, I don't even drink (an occasional MGD at the tune of $6, I know I'm killing the budget). I eat at home, I'm broke. I eat out, I'm broke. I don't buy clothes or shoes. I've got the same shoes I've had now for the last year at a total cost of $45. I'm no fashion guru. I really just want a simple life. I really want to be able to pay my bills and see a movie once in a while. Maybe take a woman out to dinner without fear. I"m fucked!
I've read Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. It's a good book. It's practical. It's right and true. However, at this point in time, in this economy, with my circumstances it seems impossible. I can't find part time employment to save my life. Believe me I'm applying and interviewing. The hours were made by people that must be determined to screw the shit out of you because they conflict with almost all other work schedules while only giving you part time employment. I'm fucked!
I've found a woman I can see myself loving. She has restored my faith in women in many ways. She's sweet, kind, caring, and incredibly generous. Yet, my circumstances would communicate a lack of care to bring anyone into this mess. I love you so much I'm going to bring you into a bunch of bullshit! That's not love. Even if I find additional employment I cut off my nose to spite my face. I won't see her again. Like my children, that schedule will be damned!!!! I'm fucked!
I can't really put it any other way. I can't move, I can't move on, I can't get ahead, I can't get help, I have no family support, my friends are old, sick, busy, or disinterested. I'm fucked. The family closest to me is two hours away and growing more ill and broken by the day. There is no assistance to be found there. I'm just happy those folks are still alive. At least I can hear their voices when I call (God knows I can't afford to visit). I'm fucked!
I blame my own foolish decision making on this. I blame the fact I married the woman I married. I blame the fact that out of a sense of faith and commitment I decided to live in a back woods city with a dying economy because I want to "Serve God." How foolish. Looks like I've served nothing. I'm blame myself for fucking around in college and not pursuing law school as planned. I blame myself for desiring to help people and choosing a course of study with a cap on earnings at the average income of people with next to zero education. I blame myself for trying to be responsible and not letting the house and the car go and declaring bankruptcy. I'm fucked!!!!!
I'm sorry for those of you that have read this. I'm sorry that you had to see the vile darkness that's in my heart. The anger, the profanity, the blasphemy, the bitterness. I'm fucked! I hope your lives are on a different course and you have light at the end of your tunnel. Never move away from your family support when you have children. You will need them, especially if the man or woman you had them with turns out to be a piece of shit. Never make a decision to stay in a city or any location because you wan to serve God at a specific church. You can serve God anywhere-Go where the money and opportunity is. Never choose a major simply because you love it. That shit sounds nice in books and speeches but when you have to pay for it and can't find work or can't make any money you'll remember what you loved and curse the day you chose it. Find something that will pay with little education. After you've made your money then go (debt free)to school and pursue your love. I'm fucked! And I don't mean that in no good way.
No Movement
I've been fight for the better part of the last year and half to maintain the life I had before the catastrophe of my marriage took place. I've been fighting to keep my home, fighting to keep my sanity, fighting to keep finances afloat, fighting, fighting, fighting. Despite my best efforts I'm seeing no movement...well, no movement forward.
Oddly enough, even though I use less of the resources around me the amount due on my bills are all the more. It's strange happening. Take for instance my gas bill. Last month I negotiated a repayment plan in which I would pay the current amount due plus a percentage of the past due to bring the account current. The first payment was roughly $100. This current bill is twice as much. Yet, I've used significantly less gas (it is summer and all). This is the type of stuff that drives me crazy.
My car is another issue. While driving it I've had the radio cut out, the odometer go blank, lights appear and disappear on my dash, and strange noises in the axles. I don't want to buy a new car. I don't want a car payment. Yet, I'm certain the electrical system of my vehicle is taking a dive and soon won't be operational. Most of the time I'd get the system fix. But, I've had experience with this before. Mechanics can never figure out the cause of the problem. It's a money hole.
In the meantime other debts and responsibilities are coming due that haven't been in the picture for years. The timing is uncanny. I've actually laughed out loud while negotiating with the creditors. I mean I could make a promise but that would only frustrate the issue. Things just keep piling up and up. As I've said in the past, the frustrating part is that I'm not doing anything. I'm not creating new debts, no new purchases. I'm actually doing my best to cut back.
I've tried to find part time jobs for supplemental income to dig out of this hole. The same thing keeps happening over and over again. The company clearly advertises for one thing (part time, evening hours) and after I've applied and get an interview they act as if that wasn't the job they advertised for. This is really frustrating as it turns opportunities into "bust" and even more so a waste of my time.
I don't want to return to an old mantra of a year and half ago in which I believed I was cursed but it's hard not to. How do you explain doing the right thing and over and over again getting the wrong outcome? I was faithful to my wife, she cheated on me and said she didn't love me. I work hard and I'm more than willing to work harder, yet I can't make any headway in my finances. I cut my expenses and yet my cost increase. Perhaps a life of struggle is my lot. If so, I will accept it and remain joyful. There's no reason to spend a life time banging your head against a wall that won't move.
Oddly enough, even though I use less of the resources around me the amount due on my bills are all the more. It's strange happening. Take for instance my gas bill. Last month I negotiated a repayment plan in which I would pay the current amount due plus a percentage of the past due to bring the account current. The first payment was roughly $100. This current bill is twice as much. Yet, I've used significantly less gas (it is summer and all). This is the type of stuff that drives me crazy.
My car is another issue. While driving it I've had the radio cut out, the odometer go blank, lights appear and disappear on my dash, and strange noises in the axles. I don't want to buy a new car. I don't want a car payment. Yet, I'm certain the electrical system of my vehicle is taking a dive and soon won't be operational. Most of the time I'd get the system fix. But, I've had experience with this before. Mechanics can never figure out the cause of the problem. It's a money hole.
In the meantime other debts and responsibilities are coming due that haven't been in the picture for years. The timing is uncanny. I've actually laughed out loud while negotiating with the creditors. I mean I could make a promise but that would only frustrate the issue. Things just keep piling up and up. As I've said in the past, the frustrating part is that I'm not doing anything. I'm not creating new debts, no new purchases. I'm actually doing my best to cut back.
I've tried to find part time jobs for supplemental income to dig out of this hole. The same thing keeps happening over and over again. The company clearly advertises for one thing (part time, evening hours) and after I've applied and get an interview they act as if that wasn't the job they advertised for. This is really frustrating as it turns opportunities into "bust" and even more so a waste of my time.
I don't want to return to an old mantra of a year and half ago in which I believed I was cursed but it's hard not to. How do you explain doing the right thing and over and over again getting the wrong outcome? I was faithful to my wife, she cheated on me and said she didn't love me. I work hard and I'm more than willing to work harder, yet I can't make any headway in my finances. I cut my expenses and yet my cost increase. Perhaps a life of struggle is my lot. If so, I will accept it and remain joyful. There's no reason to spend a life time banging your head against a wall that won't move.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
When Caring Causes Problems
I'm a bleeding heart in a lot of ways. I have deep concern for my fellow man and even more for those I call friend. I want all the best for them. I find at times that I want more for them than they do. In some instances I have gone through great lengths to help them gain their hopes and dreams (or in most cases their stated hopes and dreams). Sadly, this has back fired a number of times.
In one case I have done considerable research, written cover letters and resumes, and done even more. Yet, as I shared the plan of action for helping them get their dream job I was met with opposition. My friend acknowledged that he is consumed by his dream, yet he informed me he did not have the motivation to do anything about it. I was pissed. I was crushed. I was MAD! Why don't people want their dreams enough to work hard, damn hard, for it?
I have another friend that suffers from depression and any number of other non-disclosed ailments. I want her to break free from the chains of depression and "whoa is me" living. I've tried to be a supportive listening ear/heart dropping my recommendation with tact and comedy relief. I find that years later my listening supportive, suggestive ways were having no effect. In fact, she was worse off than she was before. To offer a clear picture of this sickness I must tell you this brief story:
I'm sitting in my office when I receive a phone call from my friend complaining that McDonald's forgot her dipping sauces for her chicken nuggets. I said that's why I always check the bag before I leave the drive through. At that time, she said she did check the bag. She just pulled off because she didn't want to bother anyone. Yet, she found it perfectly fine to bother me with the complaint that she had no sauce when she was well within her means to handle it.
That is the madness I'm dealing with. A person that would prefer to complain rather than address the issue. There are many, many, many, more examples. I won't "bother" you with all that. I'll simply say that I made my concerns plain and known. I told this friend that I had to limit my contact because they were exhausting me with the pity parties, complaints, refusal to follow any treatment plan, and the satisfaction of remaining in a completely treatable stupor of depression. I begged them to do all they could to get better. They read my plea as a sort of friend style dear john letter. Much like Darth Vader, she has been consumed by her illness. Sad, just sad.
In one instance I have frustrated my friend by doing what I could to help them leave a job they hate and live their dream. In another case, I seem to have lost a friend to their mental illness. Covered in a shrowed of darkness, my words of concern and admonition to get better were filtered out leaving only a distorted sound that said I don't want to be your friend. Both of these instances hurt me. It's not about me. It's about the fact that I want my friends to be at peace and enjoy life. I could care less if I get credit or if my ideas work. I just know that their rejection of any plan is not resulting in peace, but in more of the same-a life of painful frustration and complaining. Who knew that caring could cause issues?
In one case I have done considerable research, written cover letters and resumes, and done even more. Yet, as I shared the plan of action for helping them get their dream job I was met with opposition. My friend acknowledged that he is consumed by his dream, yet he informed me he did not have the motivation to do anything about it. I was pissed. I was crushed. I was MAD! Why don't people want their dreams enough to work hard, damn hard, for it?
I have another friend that suffers from depression and any number of other non-disclosed ailments. I want her to break free from the chains of depression and "whoa is me" living. I've tried to be a supportive listening ear/heart dropping my recommendation with tact and comedy relief. I find that years later my listening supportive, suggestive ways were having no effect. In fact, she was worse off than she was before. To offer a clear picture of this sickness I must tell you this brief story:
I'm sitting in my office when I receive a phone call from my friend complaining that McDonald's forgot her dipping sauces for her chicken nuggets. I said that's why I always check the bag before I leave the drive through. At that time, she said she did check the bag. She just pulled off because she didn't want to bother anyone. Yet, she found it perfectly fine to bother me with the complaint that she had no sauce when she was well within her means to handle it.
That is the madness I'm dealing with. A person that would prefer to complain rather than address the issue. There are many, many, many, more examples. I won't "bother" you with all that. I'll simply say that I made my concerns plain and known. I told this friend that I had to limit my contact because they were exhausting me with the pity parties, complaints, refusal to follow any treatment plan, and the satisfaction of remaining in a completely treatable stupor of depression. I begged them to do all they could to get better. They read my plea as a sort of friend style dear john letter. Much like Darth Vader, she has been consumed by her illness. Sad, just sad.
In one instance I have frustrated my friend by doing what I could to help them leave a job they hate and live their dream. In another case, I seem to have lost a friend to their mental illness. Covered in a shrowed of darkness, my words of concern and admonition to get better were filtered out leaving only a distorted sound that said I don't want to be your friend. Both of these instances hurt me. It's not about me. It's about the fact that I want my friends to be at peace and enjoy life. I could care less if I get credit or if my ideas work. I just know that their rejection of any plan is not resulting in peace, but in more of the same-a life of painful frustration and complaining. Who knew that caring could cause issues?
The End of Formal Education
I recently had an opportunity to further my education by obtaining a second master's degree in a closely related field. I went through all the motions of attending informational, filling out the application, talking to people that had done the same program before me, writing a proposal, and obtaining supervision. I submitted the application and was accepted to the program. Yet, I had to pause.
I paused because the funds initially advertised no longer existed. That was a large part of my interest. Getting a great education with great credentials at half price is nice. Another cause to pause, was that they wanted to accept me on a probationary basis. Call it arrogant or whatever you want, but having already obtained a master's degree from a respected program with a GPA of 3.59 I wasn't about to be put on probation for any one's program. They said it's because of my undergraduate GPA (one that is more than a decade old). With that I knew my scholarship opportunities would be hindered. I had to pump my brakes.
Slightly disappointed by the whole ordeal, I stepped back from it all and came to an epiphany; NO MORE FORMAL EDUCATION! I've got way more education than I believe I will ever need to become successful in this world. Truth is, I was chasing a degree that would make my climb to financial success easy. That chase would have continued on forever. In the mean time, I would have been chasing the unobtainable while digging a deeper whole of student loan debt. FOOLISHNESS!
I value higher education. However, we've been sold a bill of goods! Schools have marketed that the end all be all of success is higher education, COST BE DAMNED! That's a lie. They all tell you that it will "pay off." They all say that it's a "growing field" full of "opportunities." They are selling us on their university, the justified cost, and the pipe dream that there is a pot of gold at the other side of that degree. It's simply not true.
An education is just that, AN EDUCATION! It does not guarantee a job, a career, a good salary, promotion, or wealth. It may improve your chances but not exactly. Believe it or not, only about 15% of all people in the US have a college degree. Roughly 5-10% have a master's and even less with a PhD. That means 85% of the nation does not have a college degree. Wow! That's a lot of people.
Studies show that intellectual skill only makes for 2% of the cause of success. The greater indicator is "EMOTIONAL STRENGTH." This has to do with your heart, determination, and the ability to read, react, and move on your emotions. I can't tell you how many "dumb" people I know that are wildly successful. They are successful because they were able to press past the struggles and get what they wanted. I have a saying, "Don't be too smart to make money."
That being said, it's time for me to start living. When you're in school it's like your life is on hold until you're done. The time of classroom time, study time, travel, and holding down the job you already have is consuming. Enough of that. No more books. Time to live. Time to put my hand to the plow and push. Time to launch my ideas, my service, my empire. School is not a part of that plan. Can we have a moment of silence for FORMAL EDUCATION? THANK YOU.
I paused because the funds initially advertised no longer existed. That was a large part of my interest. Getting a great education with great credentials at half price is nice. Another cause to pause, was that they wanted to accept me on a probationary basis. Call it arrogant or whatever you want, but having already obtained a master's degree from a respected program with a GPA of 3.59 I wasn't about to be put on probation for any one's program. They said it's because of my undergraduate GPA (one that is more than a decade old). With that I knew my scholarship opportunities would be hindered. I had to pump my brakes.
Slightly disappointed by the whole ordeal, I stepped back from it all and came to an epiphany; NO MORE FORMAL EDUCATION! I've got way more education than I believe I will ever need to become successful in this world. Truth is, I was chasing a degree that would make my climb to financial success easy. That chase would have continued on forever. In the mean time, I would have been chasing the unobtainable while digging a deeper whole of student loan debt. FOOLISHNESS!
I value higher education. However, we've been sold a bill of goods! Schools have marketed that the end all be all of success is higher education, COST BE DAMNED! That's a lie. They all tell you that it will "pay off." They all say that it's a "growing field" full of "opportunities." They are selling us on their university, the justified cost, and the pipe dream that there is a pot of gold at the other side of that degree. It's simply not true.
An education is just that, AN EDUCATION! It does not guarantee a job, a career, a good salary, promotion, or wealth. It may improve your chances but not exactly. Believe it or not, only about 15% of all people in the US have a college degree. Roughly 5-10% have a master's and even less with a PhD. That means 85% of the nation does not have a college degree. Wow! That's a lot of people.
Studies show that intellectual skill only makes for 2% of the cause of success. The greater indicator is "EMOTIONAL STRENGTH." This has to do with your heart, determination, and the ability to read, react, and move on your emotions. I can't tell you how many "dumb" people I know that are wildly successful. They are successful because they were able to press past the struggles and get what they wanted. I have a saying, "Don't be too smart to make money."
That being said, it's time for me to start living. When you're in school it's like your life is on hold until you're done. The time of classroom time, study time, travel, and holding down the job you already have is consuming. Enough of that. No more books. Time to live. Time to put my hand to the plow and push. Time to launch my ideas, my service, my empire. School is not a part of that plan. Can we have a moment of silence for FORMAL EDUCATION? THANK YOU.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
The 22
I have so much going on right now that I feel like my head is spinning. On one hand, life is grand. I'm winning the heart of a spectacular woman, gaining new responsibilities at work, enjoying my children, and lifting more weight than ever. On the other hand, the problem that has haunted me for what feels like forever is still there; MONEY.
It's not like I haven't tried to stop this from being an issue. I've hardly eat out anymore. I got rid of cable. I got a new Internet provider at half price. My kids child care was cut in half. I don't travel. I don't shop. I don't buy gadgets. I live a very simple life. Yet, I can't seem to get this money thing straight. As soon as I take care of one issue another arise (sometimes 3 or 4 arise).
I've been applying for part time jobs left and right. I even interviewed and thought I had what I needed; an evening, weekdays only job, for about 20 hours a week. I thought wrong-REJECTED. Now I'm looking and applying to all types of jobs. Problem is most of them want you on weekends. At this point it looks like I'm going to have to bite the bullet and go for it.
I'm still getting my house, car, school loans, and utilities in order. Plus, I've got needed repairs to my car, hot water tank, new beds for the kids, and on and on... I'd like to dump my car. It's killing me on gas. But I can't because I still owe money and with my credit as it is now I'll just be creating another problem. I'd like to work closer to home. However, it's doubtful I'd find anything paying close to what I'm making now. Plus, things are going well at work and I'd hate to flush that down the toilet. I'm stuck.
A second job means less time with my kids, the woman I'm pursuing, my friends, the gym, and plain old relaxation. But if I don't get a second job it likely means ongoing stress, possible loss of home, lack of stability for my children, and a ticking time bomb of destruction for the relationship I'm forming now. That being said I'm gonna have to bend over and take it. This is the current state of my life. No way around it.
I would've liked to have found something in my field on a part time basis but they don't want me despite my work experience and credentials. There are no promotion opportunities at work to go for right now. What looked like a promising work from home job paying about 15k more a year disappeared overnight, literally. Hence, I'm going to be relegated to working at the golden arches (that's if they'll have me). I'm submitting my application today.
It's sad to think a man with two degrees, a great work ethic and reputation, once asked to apply for a promotion by the department head will now be asking "How may I help you?" from a drive thru window. This is where life has brought me. I must do what I have to so I can do what I want to. And I want to be free of so many things. It's a catch 22. The risk way out way the reward of not doing this. So, here I go.
It's not like I haven't tried to stop this from being an issue. I've hardly eat out anymore. I got rid of cable. I got a new Internet provider at half price. My kids child care was cut in half. I don't travel. I don't shop. I don't buy gadgets. I live a very simple life. Yet, I can't seem to get this money thing straight. As soon as I take care of one issue another arise (sometimes 3 or 4 arise).
I've been applying for part time jobs left and right. I even interviewed and thought I had what I needed; an evening, weekdays only job, for about 20 hours a week. I thought wrong-REJECTED. Now I'm looking and applying to all types of jobs. Problem is most of them want you on weekends. At this point it looks like I'm going to have to bite the bullet and go for it.
I'm still getting my house, car, school loans, and utilities in order. Plus, I've got needed repairs to my car, hot water tank, new beds for the kids, and on and on... I'd like to dump my car. It's killing me on gas. But I can't because I still owe money and with my credit as it is now I'll just be creating another problem. I'd like to work closer to home. However, it's doubtful I'd find anything paying close to what I'm making now. Plus, things are going well at work and I'd hate to flush that down the toilet. I'm stuck.
A second job means less time with my kids, the woman I'm pursuing, my friends, the gym, and plain old relaxation. But if I don't get a second job it likely means ongoing stress, possible loss of home, lack of stability for my children, and a ticking time bomb of destruction for the relationship I'm forming now. That being said I'm gonna have to bend over and take it. This is the current state of my life. No way around it.
I would've liked to have found something in my field on a part time basis but they don't want me despite my work experience and credentials. There are no promotion opportunities at work to go for right now. What looked like a promising work from home job paying about 15k more a year disappeared overnight, literally. Hence, I'm going to be relegated to working at the golden arches (that's if they'll have me). I'm submitting my application today.
It's sad to think a man with two degrees, a great work ethic and reputation, once asked to apply for a promotion by the department head will now be asking "How may I help you?" from a drive thru window. This is where life has brought me. I must do what I have to so I can do what I want to. And I want to be free of so many things. It's a catch 22. The risk way out way the reward of not doing this. So, here I go.
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