No Movement

I've been fight for the better part of the last year and half to maintain the life I had before the catastrophe of my marriage took place. I've been fighting to keep my home, fighting to keep my sanity, fighting to keep finances afloat, fighting, fighting, fighting. Despite my best efforts I'm seeing no movement...well, no movement forward.

Oddly enough, even though I use less of the resources around me the amount due on my bills are all the more. It's strange happening. Take for instance my gas bill. Last month I negotiated a repayment plan in which I would pay the current amount due plus a percentage of the past due to bring the account current. The first payment was roughly $100. This current bill is twice as much. Yet, I've used significantly less gas (it is summer and all). This is the type of stuff that drives me crazy.

My car is another issue. While driving it I've had the radio cut out, the odometer go blank, lights appear and disappear on my dash, and strange noises in the axles. I don't want to buy a new car. I don't want a car payment. Yet, I'm certain the electrical system of my vehicle is taking a dive and soon won't be operational. Most of the time I'd get the system fix. But, I've had experience with this before. Mechanics can never figure out the cause of the problem. It's a money hole.

In the meantime other debts and responsibilities are coming due that haven't been in the picture for years. The timing is uncanny. I've actually laughed out loud while negotiating with the creditors. I mean I could make a promise but that would only frustrate the issue. Things just keep piling up and up. As I've said in the past, the frustrating part is that I'm not doing anything. I'm not creating new debts, no new purchases. I'm actually doing my best to cut back.

I've tried to find part time jobs for supplemental income to dig out of this hole. The same thing keeps happening over and over again. The company clearly advertises for one thing (part time, evening hours) and after I've applied and get an interview they act as if that wasn't the job they advertised for. This is really frustrating as it turns opportunities into "bust" and even more so a waste of my time.

I don't want to return to an old mantra of a year and half ago in which I believed I was cursed but it's hard not to. How do you explain doing the right thing and over and over again getting the wrong outcome? I was faithful to my wife, she cheated on me and said she didn't love me. I work hard and I'm more than willing to work harder, yet I can't make any headway in my finances. I cut my expenses and yet my cost increase. Perhaps a life of struggle is my lot. If so, I will accept it and remain joyful. There's no reason to spend a life time banging your head against a wall that won't move.