I would like to get Drunk

I would really like to get drunk right now! I would like to by a bottle of something, anything, and get sloppy, pass out drunk! I know it's a temporary answer to a permanent problem. But I would like some temporary relief right about now. I would like to escape into the mind of an altered mood where things aren't quite what they seem.

There are two things keeping me from doing this. The 1st is the presence of my children. I don't want them to see their father like this. That would be shameful and possibly damaging to them. I wish my children no harm. The 2nd is the fact that I have to go to work in the morning and I can't hide out in my office as I recover from my drunken stooper. Otherwise, I'd be knee deep in liquid poison.

I'm pissed off and I can't make that clear enough. Normally, I'd go to the gym and work off this type of anger with a good cardio and weight lifting stint. Unfortunately, my gym is closed and the closest location is 20 minutes or more away. Did I mention I'm FUCKED!

Everything big and small seems to be crumbling before my very eyes. I have family recovering from surgery, broken bones, and falls in another city. I've got financial problems out the ass and like most things I've done little to instigate this onslaught of attack. I've got a car that guzzles gas while gas is at an all time high because a donkey in the middle east decided to take a shit and nobody knows how that will affect oil futures! I bought that damn car when I had a full family and it seemed practical. I should have been selfish and bought a car that fit me as a man better. Something smaller with great gas mileage.

Damn I want a drink or two, or three, four or more....I need some relief. I need a break. I need a breakthrough. I need help and something beyond the bullshit words that everything is going to be alright. I have fears. Fears for my children's welfare. I keep hearing information that condemns them to a lifetime of struggle because they will be brought up in single parent homes. I know...spare me the bullshit that that doesn't have to be them. I know up close and personal what the absence of a parent does to a kid. I have zero resources to ease their pain. I have little options by way of contact. They live with their mom nearly an hour away. It's a two hour trip plus about $40 to visit them. Plus, I have to buy dinner or something because their mom won't let me visit at their home. She thinks I'm going to fuck up her house or something...I guess like she did my life. Anyway...I'm babbling now. I need a drink.