LIFE IS GOOD

This has been one of the best weeks of my life. There are so many good things happening. Don't get me wrong, things ain't perfect, but they are good. I love my new job. I don't love it cause it's new. I love it because of the people and the tremendous opportunities to learn and grow before me.

I have an opportunity to become an independently licensed therapist within the next year. That means more opportunity and money. I also have an inside track for scholarship funds to pursue a second masters degree that could blow the doors wide open for me to work in my respective field. That means more money and opportunity.

I also met with my supervisor for an hour and a half. We talked faith, family, finance, education, outreach...etc... At the end he said, "I have thoroughly enjoyed this. I can tell you are going to have a great impact..." It's nice to be wanted. It's even better when you have the ears and eyes of your boss and you can produce. You know what that means? More money.......more opportunity.

To top it all off I was in a position to help people out in various ways. There is nothing more exhilarating than helping others. It truly is better to give than to receive. If I had a choice between giving and taking, I'm taking the give option every time.

Life is still hard and in some ways I'm still struggling. However, life is grand. Life is good. You have to learn to enjoy the big and little things in life. Take advantage of those things in your control. Pray on those things that aren't. And enjoy the life God has given you.

GETTING STRONG NOW

I just so happened to be watching Rocky tonight before I wrote this post. The Rocky movie franchise is famous for the Song, "Getting Strong NOW." It's quite motivational in it's composure and lyrical content. I dare you to hear the horns kick in followed by the chorus and not get pumped, if not but for a moment.

Strength is needed in all areas of life. You need to be strong physically, financially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, socially, etc... Most of the time we view strength by show of incredible power (i.e. the utter destruction of one entity by another). This isn't always the case. Sometimes, strength is derived from the recovery from destruction.

I started lifting weights because after breaking my hand (knuckles, hand, and wrist) I was incredibly weak. I had no strengh, no range of motion, and no stamina (a reflection of my life). When they removed the cast my hand looked like it had been mummified. It was wilted, dry, and discolored. I would come to find how weak my hand was when I tried to break up a fight and couldn't hold one of the aggressors back.

In any event, I have come to find that through my exercise regiment to regain strength I have grown stronger than ever before. I am lifting more weight than ever in all aspects and I haven't even gotten to a max weight level yet. I am gaining strength and endurance in all muscle areas. I have turned a weakness into a strength far beyond that of my previous pre-injury state.

It is my hope that as I seek to put the pieces of my life together that I will find a strength far greater than what my life possessed pre-brokenness. I believe when all is said and done I will find myself emotionally, spiritually, physically, intellectually, and even financially stronger. It is interesting that the moment of greatest muscle growth comes when the muscle feels fatigued and weak. Might this be the path of gaining strength in all of life?

FLIRT

When I was in college I had an encounter my freshman year that has always slightly disturbed me and has never left my mind. Being new to the college scene my head was ready to explode with the plethora of fine women available. Don't get me wrong, I knew fine women growing up, but the concentration of them in one place was much greater.

There were women to the left of me. Women to the right. They were of all ethic backgrounds, shapes, sizes, colors, cultures. It was incredible. Being exposed to so many options I figured I would take my chances and go for the gusto. I spotted this fine young thang from Peru. She was gorgeous. I said to myself, "Why not go for her?" That was mistake number one.

Being a nerd like I was (and still am) I figured I would go for some smooth tv type shit that would knock her off her feet. So, I came up with a plan to use my literary skill and wow her with poetry. It was fool proof! What girl doesn't go head over heals for that stuff? Oh yes, I know...girls that live in the real world. I did write the poem. But, it needed a test run before I would present it to the new found woman of my dreams.

I took the work to a dorm mate in my building and asked her if women enjoyed poetry. She agreed that it would work (and I found out why a little later). As time would show, this young lady thought I was hitting on her. Since she was already in a relationship she had a "let down" speech prepared for me to kick me to the curb in a gentle manner.

Needless to say, her speech was uncomfortable for the both of us. It wasn't until half way through that I realized that she was shutting me down. Problem was, it wasn't her I was after. She went from considerate, to embarrassed, to offended. She told me that my wife would have a tough time with me because I was a flirt and she couldn't tell the difference. I denied this and said I was just a nice guy (more on that later).

Unfortunately, she was right on both counts. My wife did have a tough time with being married to me, as she accused me of flirting with just about every woman I've ever worked with, and I am a flirt. I came to the conclusion a few days ago that I am a flirt. It's part of my natural charm and interaction with people. I listen to women, I joke, and I press the limits of acceptable conversation at time. Since it's masked in the joke it doesn't have the abrasive effect some might expect. It's my personality not an intentionally used tool for picking up women.

I have come to accept that I'm funny, witty, and engaging. It's sad that this has had such a negative impact on my relationship. I'm funny, witty, and engaging with men as well but it is taken in a completely different way. As I always say, knowing the truth is the first step to addressing the issue. I'm a flirt. Where I go from here I don't know. At least I can admit that much at this time.

TOO MUCH

The power of femininity
Brings a man to his knees
Stuck in his thoughts
Invades his dreams

Apart from you, what would true love be
Would there be beauty
Would there be passion
Could a man be moved without her taking any action

Could a man be fulfilled
Could a man be satisfied
Others may have the look of a woman
But something is missing inside

It’s insight, wisdom, depth…
The power to enter a room
Steal the moment
Take their breath
It’s amazing..
Though it’s happened before
Every time feels new as never before

The beauty of your smile
The suculance of your lips
The thickness of your thighs
The sway in your hips

The softness of your skin
The sweet scent you leave in the air
The depth of spirit seen through your eyes
The way you wear your hair

It’s how you long to be adored
Your mind, body, and soul explored

You are a new world
Wondrous and free
Though quite liberal
It’s hard for a man to get free

So what is a man to do
What I have said doesn’t come close
To describing what’s truly precious…what’s most

I could explore your entire body
Sight, smell, touch
Taste your varied flavors
Savor it oh…so much

For what you have is intangible
Can’t be seen, smelled, or touched
It’s femininity
Your femininity
It’s overwhelming…
Too much

JUST CAUSE YOU'RE SINGLE DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE ALONE

We live in an age of smoke and mirrors. People show you one person when you meet them and another when you get to know them. Folks go to interviews and have all the right answers only to show you that they really don't want to work after they've gotten the job. Politicians, products, and movies promise you one thing and provide you with something much less. The relationship game is no different.

I can't tell you how many men and women I've come across claiming to be single only to find out that they are not single in the truest sense. Some have an F-Buddy. Some have a man or woman. Even worst, some are engaged. That is just dishonest. You might say, "But hey, you say you're single when you are legally married."

That statement is true. The difference is that I put all the cards on the table. I tell folks what the deal is from the jump. I have nothing to hide cause I'm not playing games. I have no interest in malice. No desire to mislead. That makes all the difference in the world. To be clear, I don't introduce myself that way. However, I do make my situation and intentions crystal clear.

I think about how this plays out all the time. If I meet a woman that I'm interested in there is a good chance she's doing some guy(s) on the side just for kicks. God help me. That ain't cool. When does a woman decide to clear the path for a sincere man in pursuit? And, men don't move on so easily. We tend to have a sense of ownership if we're getting the booty. This is a set up for mess and the destruction of what may be a promising relationship.

On the flip side, men won't let go of their booty calls so easily. And, neither will the "booty call." Women may say that they are cool with just getting down but nine times out of ten they're hearts are going to get caught up. And, why shouldn't it. It's a painful thought to be treated good enough for a sexual fix, but not good enough for commitment. Damn, that hurts.

This will be the last thing I say on this issue right now. Wouldn't you feel betrayed if you found out the person you were dating had multiple sex partners on the side? Wouldn't that give you pause? Does that speak stability or is it a sign of things to come? Make it easy on yourself. If you're single then be single. If you're not then be honest. Enough is enough.

SHOWS I DON'T WATCH ANY MORE

There is a tone of television shows I don't watch anymore now that I'm single. Trying to connect with the wife I watched a lot of stuff I have come to find I'm just not into now that she's gone. I will try to list them for you below:

America's Next Top Model

This is a show I would have never watched had it not been for my wife. I don't even know what channel it comes on. When she was here I would be stuck watching the marathon all day long on a Saturday. If I was going to spend time with her I had to spend time with it. Tyra's fine and all, but she ain't that damn fine. This show has been replaced with a healthy dose of college football.

Iron Chef America

I'm a food lover but I haven't turned this show on in months. Heck, I forgot that it even existed. I'm no chef and my dreams of being a judge are long gone. It's a competition, but it ain't a sport. So I'm out.

The Next Food Network Star

Among girly type shows it was cool. But, it ain't for me. I like Bobby Flay but he's on Food Network overload. The only real star to come off of the show has been Guy Fieri. He's the man. I'm not interested in watching the Next Food Network bust.

Biggest Loser

This is a great show. I highly enjoy watching it. However, I have no clue when it comes on or what channel it is on. It's a inspiring and entertaining hour of tv. I just don't have a compass that leads me that way anymore.

Law & Order: SVU

This is another great show. Again, I don't have a clue where one would find this show. My wife used to watch this all the time when she couldn't find anything else to watch on TV. It's a cool show but I have no evidence or trail to when it comes on.

Fox News in General

I was a news/information nut in the past. One of my wife's complaints was that I was too conservative and too political. That might be. I didn't give up Fox News based on that. I just couldn't take anymore reality of the world's troubles when my own personal life was going down in flames. I haven't returned as I still can't take much more than I already know.

Something about a hair Salon

That's not the name of the show. Hell, I don't know what the shows name was. Nor do I care. What I do know is that some English chick with bleach blond hair would come in and turn a failing business around. If you've seen it once you've seen em' all. This might be something the gay friend does. That ain't me.

Cheaters

Funny show. However, that shit ain't funny when it's you being cheated on. Can't stand to watch that type of thing anymore. You could add The Best Man to this section as well. Too painful.

Real Housewives

Pick any one of these housewives' shows. I was never really fealing it as I am not a fan of watching wealthy people create drama and get paid for doing so. The only thing more pathetic than my life is helping other people get paid by watching them live theirs on TV. Some snap shots were funny. However, these shows don't hold enough weight to keep me seated in front of the TV.

Man Vs. Food

This is one of my favorite shows. I don't turn the channel off of sportscenter so I wouldn't know it was on. I would one day like to replace this guy. If this workout thing to pan out I might have to go that route. This has little connection to my wife accept for the fact that I haven't seen it since she left.

There are more shows I'm sure. I just can't remember them. Rightly so, I wasn't on it from the jump. It is nice to watch what I want when I want. A small consolation considering the price. Hey, you find those silver linings where you can.

8 Reasons why you shouldn't get in a relationship

LONELINESS

Loneliness has stricken every one of us at some point in time. As the saying goes, "You can be in a room full of people and still be lonely." Loneliness is not about a lack of company, but a lack connection. All too often, people feeling lonely become desperate. They grab the first person they see that is available and they "think" they can stand. This is a terrible mistake. What people have come to find is that they remain lonely and now they have a problem on their hands.

IT'S SENSIBLE

Please hear me clearly on this point. I am not saying that you should throw common sense to the wind when it comes to choosing a mate. What I am saying is that you have to have more than a "sensible" decision for a lifetime partner and lover. You need to have some level of passion. So many people have gone old school and married a person because they made sense. They had their life together, they were a good person, they seem like a (dare I say it) nice guy. Although things make sense they won't end well. Passion doesn't last forever and love needs to mature. However, passion is the glue and the bridge to that more mature love.

SEX

I know I just said that you need to have passion in your romantic life to make it work, but SEX can not be the primary reason for moving forward in a relationship. It's nice if a person can rock your world and leave you sore in a good way. But, you need much more than that to make a real go at a successful relationship. Intimacy has to go beyond just the physical. That too will wear out.

There is another side of sex that must be addressed. For those that are seeking to live by God's Word and hold off on sex till marriage (a noble and healthy decision) this needs to be addressed as well. These types of folks feel the pressure and desire for sex that it becomes overwhelming at some point. Hence they make a decision, largely motivated by sex drive, to get hitched so they can have wild monkey sex and feel no guilt. Not a good idea...need I say more.

AGE

The song Let's Get Married by Jagged Edge had a horrible message in it. There is a line that says, "We ain't gettin' no younger, we might as well do it." That is not sensible at all. It wreaks of desperation and will certainly set you on a course for disappointment. There is a natural maturity that comes with age and a person may come to realize that they want to settle down and start a family. That's cool. Doing it cause the AARP is sending you mail...not a good idea.

KIDS

Although I think marriage is a good move for families as a whole and children in particular, it's not the best solution to unplanned pregnancy. If people were dedicated to the institution of marriage and really working on the relationship to raise their kids in a stable home that would be wonderful. However, people just aren't. Instead, kids will be exposed to a poor relational environment where parties feel resentment toward one another and eventually end in separation and divorce. This would be additional pain for all involved.

MONEY

I am a fan of money. As life has been set out before me, I have not been able to obtain it in the way I'd hoped yet. I stress the word "YET." In fact, I am on the look out for a female sponsor of sorts (that's another story). Despite my own desires to be Mr. Mom, money is not a good reason for hooking up. Eventually one party feels used. Another feels cheap. Both hate each other and could end up broke.


COMPETITION

This might sound ridiculous, but competition is a major issue among women in particular. I know of a real life story where two women were fighting over the same man. One won (if you can call it winning) and one lost. The one that won married the man. Turned out to be an abusive relationship. The woman would come to realize she never knew or loved the guy. It was all about competition. This type of thing might happen to men, but not nearly as much as it does women.

CAUSE YOU WANT TO

If you hook up with some one on the sole basis of wanting to that is a bad omen. It's not about love. It's not about marriage. It's not even about your "mate." It's about you. The person you are hooking up with is just the final piece to your puzzle. A self centered relationship is no relationship at all. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.