I'm a big fan of the free market system of our nation. I think competition is good. It benefits consumers. It drives innovation. It has lifted our standard of living to the highest in the world. A free market system requires that you equal or better your competitor. It drives our productive spirit to its greatest heights. With such a great system, why not take the same approach to dating?
As of late, I've been thinking a great deal about cross-cultural dating. One reason is because a woman of a different ethnicity has cought my eye and my interest. This has brought something I had not given much consideration to into the forefront of my mind, RACE. As I've been thinking about race I've looked beyond simply skin color. That would be shallow and racist. I've begun to examine the cultural differences in women in accordance with their race.
This has brought me to a new conclusion, preference in skin color likely has more to do with character, values, and mode of relational engagement. I have some anectdotal observations that I've made. 1) Black women seem to have a sense of entitlement to a relationship. Even more, to a "GOOD BLACK MAN." 2) Black women have unrealistic expectations and desires ( See GAME OVER). 3) The entitlement attitude leads to inflexibility. They won't make any changes in behavior because they don't think they should have to. 4) Image matters way too much. What it looks like overides what it is. 5) Black women are trying to obtain a man and maintain a competive attitude towards the very man she wants. This is destructive because men do not want to compete with their significant others.
On the other side I see these things; 1) No issue with submission to the man they love. 2) A disregard for image and a radical acceptance of substance (the person). I've seen this up close and personal as one man was told by his girlfriend of a different ethnicity, "I don't care if you have money. I love you and just want to spend time with you." This was echoed with offers of financial support. Don't see that much in the Black Community. 3) An acceptance of the traditional roles of men and women. 4) No game mentallity. If a woman is interested she makes that plain. You don't have to chase and wonder. 5) A "no entitlement" attitude towards men in general.
I'm sure my observations above have seriously pissed some of you off. That's ok. I hope it pisses you off enough to examine yourself. Given the choice between the two groupings above I doubt that most men would choose the former over the latter. This isn't to say that a woman must lay down her rights. What I am saying is that these are not desirable attributes to men. I used to think I wanted a "strong black woman." I don't. I don't want a "strong black woman, a strong white woman, or a strong woman of any ilk" that operates in what is thought to be strength in todays culture.
Let me get back to the issue, "FREE MARKET DATING." What I mean by this phrase is that my heart, my love, my time, my devotion will go to the best female provider. This is like buying an item. I research the cost, the options, the brands, the features. Then I make my decision to purchase. I do this with excitement. I cast my vote of approval with my dollars. I show my continued satisfaction with repeat business.
Take for instance the I-Phone. This was and is a revelutionary product. It swept the market to the point that people line up overnight in the cold to get one everytime a new model comes out. It's owners are dedicated. They are pleased and have no problem preaching the Gospel of Apple. The rest of the market didn't get mad, refuse to make changes, and demand to be purchased as is (Black woman). Instead, they reexamined their products. They took the Apple model and created touch screens, apps, and more. In the end they came out with the Droid, the I-Phones greatest rivals (what should be happening).
This is what people should be doing on all sides be it man, woman, black, white, or other. If you are not pleased with the quality of man or woman you are attracting or not atrracting you should look at the product (yourself) and make changes as needed. If you want that subjective ten (man or woman) then you need to look at the person attracting those tens and do likewise. As the saying goes, "Do what I do and have what I have."
Even Apple had to make adjustments. I remember as a child my uncle told me Apple had the best software among computers but it wasn't user friendly. That was nearly 20 years ago. Apparently, Apple got the message and made changes as needed. Now they have the best user friendly products on the market. This may be you. You may have the best heart, the best love, the best companionship in the world...but you may not be "user friendly." Make the changes needed to attract those buyers that are willing to pay the price for your superior products.
No one is deserving or entitled to love. My love has to be earned. Your love has to be earned. We need to value each other. You value others when you provide what they need because you care for them, because you love them. This is the free market of relationships. We do not live in a socialist dating pool. We live in a free market. This market is not equal. It is fair. You set the market value of your love. You set the value for what you will pay for the love of others. It's about values. Build a better mouse trap (person).....
I don't think it's really fair to say that Black women feel entitled--all black women are not like that. When I'm attracted to a man, money could matter less, but thing again, I won't support someone who's not willing to work. Additionally, Black women have almost always held the black family, and the white family, down, which is proof of our undying faith in love and how we value relationships. That being said, I think considering other races is what people should do, but not because of a bad experience, personality conflicts or self loathing...but because of true love.
ReplyDeleteYour entire argument for dating white women or non-black women is weak. You’re overgeneralizing, as not all black women are the way that you described. There are plenty of Black women who support their man, give up their dreams in order for their man’s dreams to be fulfilled. Black men are the only race of men who are so quick to date outside of their race because mentally they are too weak to coexist with their own women. With that being said, here a few of my observations of Black men, this in turn affects my flexibility and submissive nature in relationships (as it relates to Black men):
ReplyDelete•The black man’s devaluing and disrespect of black women. They date you, bed you, and abandon you. They treat black women as disposable sex objects.
•Black men don’t believe in monogamy. Often black men have more than one woman at a time and are responsible for fathering several children by multiple women
•Black men often want black women to look pass their flaws (insecurities/bull headedness/stubbornness/unemployment/low wages/children from other relationships/bad business ventures), but rarely do black men look pass the flaws of black women. (Now who’s inflexible?)
•Often black women are made to feel inferior to other races of women due to black men constantly nagging and comparing them to other races of women. This is where the black man’s love for a “European” comes into play. ( Mr. International Lover of all women, except for black women)
I believe in free market dating, as I believe that your soul mate can be of any color. People should not place limits on their hearts or their happiness. People should not have to justify why they choose to date other races, but they definitely should not down their own race. Those who do so are only weak and insecure.
I'd like to thank you for your thoughts on the subject. I'm always honored that people read my post and even more so when they comment. So for that, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI think in many ways you missed the real point of the post. It wasn't so much about color as it is about culture which goes beyond color. I know black women that have sacrificed much for their husband. I honor them and respect that. It was not my desire to overgeneralize but to make a point about culture, entitlement, and freedom.
I must address the issue of "weak and insecure." This is one of the oldest playbook calls in the race/dating game. A man is not weak because he knows what he wants and what he needs from a woman. Is a woman weak because she won't put up with infidelity, abuse, violence, etc...? Absolutely not. They are strong because they won't settle for that. Same is true of men that don't want to fight at home.
I have personally never treated a woman like trash, been bothered by monogamy, cheated, or disrespected or devalued women. However, I've seen many women respond positively to such acts. Black women aren't less than. They are equal and in some ways more (forced to live in strength). But, in fighting for survival many black women have forgotten how to just be women.