Resurrection Power

On this Easter Sunday I look back over the past year and I am thankful for God's grace. One year ago my marriage came to a screeching halt. I could not sleep. I could not rest. I could not find peace. Not even the assistance of drugs could provide a good nights sleep. One thing did happen to provide significant dependable assistance in finding rest, ALCOHOL. Not exactly the drink of champions.

I had counted my life as worthless. Having counted my life as worthless I had serious thoughts to kill myself. I was homicidal, suicidal, and hopeless. I had drugs, alcohol, and no one to stop me. I even looked to get a hold of a firearm for purposes of vengeance. One night while laying in the bed I could focus on nothing but ending it all. I was so close it scares me.

At that time I couldn't see past the moment. There was nothing in life at that time worth suffering through. There was nothing in my mind that could have held me here. Today could very well be the anniversary of my death. My children would have suffered. My family would have suffered. My friends would have suffered. And although I thought I was escaping suffering I would likely have suffered from taking the reigns of life from God.

It was by God's grace and mercy that I did not execute my plan. I'd like to tell you that things immediately improved but that's not reality. Truth is, I continued to struggle. I struggled financially, emotionally, spiritually, vocationally, and in any number of other ways. I nearly lost my home. I was investigated by my employer at the request of my supervisor. I am currently facing possible layoffs from work. The bank made a mistake that almost cost me a thousand dollars or more and on and on...struggles have abounded. Yet, I'm happy to be alive.

I'm happy to be alive because I have my children, my pride and joy! I'm happy to be alive because God aloud me to play a part in helping my best friend realize his dream! I'm happy because I have come to a new understanding of my faith and what it truly means to be Christian. I'm happy because I am alive, I have hope, I have a future, and God is not finished with me yet.

I know what it feels like to face your deepest fears. I know what it feels like to believe that there is nothing left to fight for, no reason to live. I know what it feels like to be alone with your darkest thoughts. I have been to the edge of reason and logic. I have been to the ends of myself. I now know a foretaste of what Resurrection will be like. My life was over. I was dead. Now I am alive. Thank you Jesus!