Lead with Sex, End with Sex

The math is pretty simple in most relationships. Essentially, you start like you want to finish. At the beginning of most relationships people put forth their best showing. They want to impress the person they're with and show what a quality person they are. This is normal and natural, and to be expected. Everybody does it.

There is also a second more important happening at the beginning of relationships, PRECEDENT. This is where the ground work for expectations and relationship functioning takes place. For instance, if you are the first too apologies even when you're not wrong you will likely be the first to apologies for the rest of your relationship. This is true in pretty much all aspects of the relationship. It's not that people can't change, it's just that it's very difficult.

The same is true of sex. If you lead into a relationship with sex is the centerpiece you will have a tough time breaking away from that. This is true if you talk about sex a great deal and then engage in it. Or, if you just engage from day one. I know there will be some folks that claim they had a roll in the hay on the first night and now they're 5 years down the road. At the same time, I know of many many more that can report that they had sex early on and never could move deeper than the skins.

This is very important for people to recognize. For guys, it's important because if you see more than sex in the woman you're with you want to slow down and fall back so as not to destroy the development of other intimacies and a good foundation. I remember in college I slept with a woman and that had all types of reprocutions I wasn't desirous of. I told the woman I believed I had a genuine interest in her but was afraid that starting off on a sexual focus would prove destructive. I asked if we could slow down and develop the relationship more. I never got the chance. She was so pissed she didn't talk to me again.

For women this could save you a great deal of heart brake and disappointment. If you lead with sex men tend to make a number of assumptions. One of which being, "I'm not that special. She probably gives it up to a lot guys on the first night." Fair, no. True, yes. If that's the case then the likelihood of a long-term relationship is low. Plus, when women engage in sex they tend to do so with their heart not with their body. That means that a woman really does have a genuine interest in the man and has some level of attachment. That is a clear path to a broken heart.

Go slow. If the person wants more than just sex they will wait it out and really get to know you. They will enjoy your presence and company. Certainly, they'll want to engage physically but it won't be the end all be all. If the person is only out for sex they won't be patient. They aren't in it for the long haul or the hope of relationship. Save yourself the headache, the heart brake, and the pain. Lead with sex, end with sex. Lead with depth, end with depth.