FAMILY MATTERS

I am currently enjoying the pleasure of my families company over this holiday season. It is amazing how the family has grown exponentially. Where there were once 3 cousins, there is now 9 from one branch. I have brought two of my own to the party. It has truly warmed my heart to see all of the children interacting and loving one another as family should. Amidst all of this good will I have noticed a difference between some of the children.

Some of the kids are older, some younger, some boys, some girls, some live here, some are visitors. Some are taller, some are smaller, some are thinner, some are fatter. Some are brown, some are light skinned, some even look a tad bit Asian. Some are quiet. Some are loud. Some are just right. Yet, these are not the differences that stand out.

What has stood out is the difference in temperament and response to being told "no." The children with their families in tact (mother, father, same home) seem to be more balanced. There are less tears, less acting out, less tantrums, and the like. On the flip side, those with broken families (single parent home, separation, divorce) appear to have an upswing in poor behavior. This is not to say that they are bad children. What I am saying is that their growth and adjustment has been impacted by the absence of both parents in the home.

I don't think I'm telling people anything they don't already know. Common sense and studies tell us that intact families are the best environment for raising children. I have seen this play out myself as those with both parents in the home in my family have been better off economically, educationally, and socially. There is tremendous benefit to maintaining a traditional family.

I had hoped to provide such a family to my children. I've always felt somewhat less than due to my lack of financial production, the inability to maintain my children's education in private schools, and give them any toys or gadgets they wanted. The one saving grace I had was that I could provide my children with a strong family structure. It is my great regret that I can no longer provide that to my children.

I can love my children hard and well. I can spend a great deal of time with them and teach them all they need to know. Yet, I can not provide the benefits of a mommy and daddy in the home. Some things just can't be replaced. It is unfortunate that this had to take place. I wish I had the strength to put it back together again for their sake. I'm too selfish. Perhaps a stronger man could forgive and move on. I can't. Despite my shortcomings, I hope that I can instill in my children that families matter.