WHAT'S A MAN TO DO

I just finished reading a book about a man that has an affair because his wife refused to have sex with him. The book paints a picture that the man was made to feel dirty or immoral about his sexual desires. Oddly enough, while having a conversation about relationships with a relative she brought up the issue of men stepping out because their wives wouldn't give them any lovin' unprompted. It was quite a convenient coincident. I understand this isn't uncommon at all.

The fictional and non-fictional issue of sex in marriage or any committed relationship has cause me to ask the question, "What is a man to do?" I mean really, is a man to just sit around forever waiting for the time when his wife feels like she's in the mood? That's horrible. When a man gets married he does so with the expectation of regular sexual activity. He doesn't do it with the hopes or dreams of it, but as a normal part of the marriage relationship. What man gets married for regular conversation and to have someone tell him what he's not doing right?

It's a strange thing because women seem down for all types of fucking pre-marriage. Be they Christian, Muslim, or any other persuasion, sex seems to be on the menu in great supply before the vows are exchanged. Yet, somewhere along the lines sex turns into a chore and the woman finds all types of reasons to resist engaging her husband in such a way. Included in these reasons is righteous indignation. Women seem to feel that sex is dirty and so is the man for wanting it on the regular. This is a societal myth that suits the needs of women nicely as needed.

Imagine for a moment if you will, that you have made a commitment to the person you love. You have declared it publicly. You lay down next to them nightly in near if not total nudity. Yet, you are expected to refrain from sexual activity with this person that you are connected to in mind, body, and soul. What type of life is that? What type of reality is that? If a woman wants a girlfriend then get a girlfriend. Don't get married.

Getting married will only torture you and the man. You will be tortured because you desire someone to hold you, support you, listen to you, provide for you, and protect you without physical engagement. Not gonna happen. In addition, you will be frustrated by the fact that the man will continue to press the issue. And if pressing the issue fails, he's going to press his way out the door to a woman that is willing and able. The man will be frustrated because despite his best efforts he's not getting what he so highly values-SEX. He will equally be angered by the characterization that he is a dog with uncontrollable desires (God given desires). And, he will resent the fact that he feels the need to go outside the relationship for satisfaction.

To put it bluntly, it's fucked up. It's fucked up that a man would be put in a situation where he would feel the need to search elsewhere for sexual gratification. It's fucked up that his wife or committed other would try to justify her frigged ways by demonizing the man. It's one big old mess. But, what is a man to do?