I've been playing close attention to how my uncle and male cousins treat their spouses or significant others. They are very service oriented. They make their plates, their coffee, do the clothes, and when possible they move quickly to meet the desires of their better half. They defer to their partners. If some goes wrong they make it right. They are servants.
My grandfather did the same thing. Prior to his passing he took care of a great deal of business including his own funeral arrangements and that of my grandmother unbeknownst to her. He did many things for his wife even after he loss the use of his legs. He was a lover/servant. This is something that has been caught by the men of my family.
I too served my wife. I did a lot around the house. I did the dishes, the laundry, bathed and clothed the kids, put the kids to bed, made breakfast, did lawn work, took care of the finances, took care of the cars, and anything else I could provide. If my wife asked for it I tried my damnedest to take care of it. I was doing what I knew to be right.
In some ways I feel as though this is a weakness and a downfall of our family men. I think in some ways women don't respect that type of thing. Many want a domineering man that flips the script and demands service from his wife. In some ways I feel that women don't respect a servant style man. I think had I been more harsh I might still have my wife. I'll never really know. I wanted to discard this part of my personality but I can't. I am who I am. After all, it's my heritage, it's a family trait.
You are right that some women (well, most women) will see men who serve their women as weak. Women appreciate a balance of servitude and strength--a man who will cater to them and treat them like a queen but who still lay down the law and wear the pants in the relationship. There's no challenge in being able to pull all the strings in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteYou'll find that balance, it's a learning experience.