I DON'T WANT TO BE THE CLEAN UP HITTER

I grew up in love with Baseball. The story goes that my mother took me to a major league game at the age of 3. She says I stood the entire time and never sat down during the course of the game. I was in love with baseball from the start.

As I grew up I would play baseball. Sometimes I would play on 2 or even 3 teams at a time. I wanted to play the game as long as I could. Truth be told, I wanted to be a major league player and later in life a manager. It was my first love.

Since I was always a big strong kid I was often the clean up hitter. Now, if you don't know what the clean up hitter's job is let me tell you. The clean up hitter is typically the number 4 hitter in the line-up. They are expected to "clean up" after the players that have gone before them. It is a position of honor in baseball. It means that you have power and can hit in the clutch.

Although this is a great honor in baseball, it's a bad place to be in relationships. The clean up hitter in relationships would be the man that comes along to clean up the mess left behind by all the "playas" that came before him. This works out for some men and women. In such cases women have made the needed changes to their lives and have prepared themselves for a good man. However, many haven't.

The clean up man of relationships have to be strong. It is a place of honor if the man can pull it off. It's no easy place to be. The damage done by those before him can be insurmountable at times. A history of bad relationships can leave a tsunami emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and even physical damage. As hard as a man may try he may not be able to erase what was left behind in the aftermath of relationships. When you add that damage to the already present highs and lows of women's emotions it can be much too much.

I don't have the strength for this type of activity anymore. I don't want to do it. I think this type of thing is what destroyed my marriage and I don't want to go down that road again. Please here me. Women are more than worth the effort. They deserve better than they have gotten or accepted. I'm just saying I don't think I can be the one.

This puts me in one hell of a predicament as most women my age have been through the fire. Even if I were to dip by a decade or more I'd be in trouble because of how early people are engaging in significant emotional and physical relationships. To top it off, I'm asking for something I am not. It's a tough road to ho. I might change my mind. For now, I want to be the lead off guy.