If you have read any of my previous post you know full well my struggles with the desires of the flesh (not that I've been fighting them, but that I haven't been able to fulfill them). I remember talking to a friend of mine, a pastor, about how I would handle the loss of physical touch when my wife left (physical touch had ceased prior to her leaving). His response was, "Today has enough evil of it's own." Essentially, he was staying away from that question.
I was thirsty in a major way from the start. There was no relief. I had been faithful to my wife, had not set up any fall backs, and to make matters worse, I'm not from here. Therefore, options were few to none. I was bitter, I wanted revenge, and I wanted to get down with the get down as soon as I could.
Along the way I returned to my conscience and decided that trying to be a player was not the life for me. Even more than that I came to the realization that, "I shall not be mastered by anything." I won't be mastered by my sexual appetite. I won't be mastered by my pain. I won't be mastered by my circumstances. I won't be mastered.
Don't get me wrong. I haven't found some magic cure to desire. Nor have I gotten to a mind over matter situation. I'm simply saying that I won't be controlled by my instincts like some wild animal. Since making this decision I have found that things have cooled. I'm not chomping at the bit to get it. Freedom is good. I will have no master...neither should you.
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