My best friend has a theory concerning why woman find themselves so disappointed in the mate they have chosen. Ya see, my friend believes there is a fundamental difference between men and women concerning how they choose those they engage with on an intimate level.
My friend states that women purchase (make relational decisions) based upon the "potential" of the individual. In other words, women try to look into the crystal ball of life and see if a man will be a good provider, father, husband, lover, successful, etc... Women are writing scripts without paper or pen. It's one thing to believe in a persons skills and abilities and something completely different to count on that person to one day fulfill their full potential.
Potential is just that, potential. Meaning, possible as oppose to actual. This is a major source of distress in relationships. Samuel Chand states that, "conflict is the difference between expectation and reality." Since women make decisions based upon expectation and potential they have set in motion a clear path to conflict.
Don't get me wrong, we all have expectations when we enter into any type of agreement, be it relational or not. The issue is that few agreements come with the same impact and consequence as a relationship. The conflict that arises from such expectations are magnified more so by the approach of the man.
On the opposite side of women purchasing products on the spectrum of "potential" is the man who purchases the product before him. Men don't enter into a relational agreement with hopes of a woman losing weight, becoming a better cook, working if she said she wasn't, or any other issues (There is one exception to this rule: Men will hope against hope that there female counterpart will become more open sexually.) By and large, men take a woman as they are. They also have no expectation for change on their own part.
You can see how this creates conditions for a perfect storm. On one hand you have women going into the relationship with expectation for change to meet their wants. On the other hand you have men going in with little to no expectation for change on any parties part. I experienced this because I have great upside.
I'm a smart, intelligent, spiritual, hard working man with two degrees. I have family members with a pedigree of upper middle/upper class that I was at one point closely connected with (in other words...networking). While in college I held internships at a major law firm, at one point held two jobs while going to school full time, attended dinners with the upper echelon, and met high ranking political officials via my family. Add to that, my regular maintenance of leadership in various organizations and a woman might think the future is looking bright.
I sincerely believe my wife held this view of me. I remember one of her close friends telling her, "One thing you know for sure...he will always work." It was good to have someone in my corner that believed in me. However, belief turned to expectation. Then reality set in and conflict arose. My wife bought the potential. She got the reality. And then had difficulty accepting the facts. This led to disaster.
I only ask that you be smart about your choices in love. Don't set yourself up for failure. Take a person just as they are. If they grow it's a bonus. If they maintain, you got what you paid for. I believe that this approach would make all the difference in relationships. If you can't take someone as they are then my advice would be, BUYER BEWARE.
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