KEEP IT IN THE CLOSET

Some things are best kept a secret. People have come to believe that intimacy and closeness is achieved by being utterly and completely open to others. It sounds like it's the right thing to do. After all, you want to be free to be who you are with the one you love. You want to be able to share your hurts, your joys, your dreams, your fears....and even your regrets. This may not be the best route to intimacy.

I can remember a woman telling me that she felt the need to share her sexual history with her man in an attempt to be open and honest. She really believed that her man had a right, if not an outright need, to know what she had done. I had to pump her breaks and stop the madness. What she was proposing to do would have been a relationship bomb.

There really is no need to open the book of sex on your life with your current partner. Certainly, there is a need to be honest if you have infections or disease but no need to discuss the sexual history just to do it. Women may have a threshold for this type of thing (though I doubt it). Let me be clear, MEN DON'T.

What number of sex partners is acceptable to a man? Zero! Some say it's male ego. Some say it's the physiology of it all. I can't say for certain what it is, I just know that it is. Men can not handle the thought of their woman being with another man. Men would like to take the position that they were the first, only, and best that their woman has ever had. Anything over zero is too much to handle.

Don't get me wrong, men will entertain stories of sexual conquest if their only intention is to hit. In such situations men only want to get the goods and move on. Talking about your sexual escapades only opens the door for a new sexual escapade. This is not the case for men that want a meaningful relationship. They just don't want to know.

Telling a man about your sexual past won't improve your relationship. It won't bring you closer. It won't bring about connection. It will be a driving wedge that will forever be a bone of contention. If you find the need to discuss your past talk to your friends, your pastor, or a therapist. Whatever you do, don't talk to your man about it. Don't even talk to your man if you want to tell him he's the best you've ever had. Same effect. Just keep it in the closet.