Is it real?

Lately, folks that are close to me have questioned the authenticity of my recovery. They wonder if I am masking, faking, or putting up a front to cover the pain I feel inside. I don't knock the question because it does seem as though I have made some long jumps from being emotionally distraught to relatively stable.

I have not tried to put up a front. If you know me you know that I try to be as honest and direct as possible. I have know interest in fooling others. At the end of the day I would only be fooling myself. I have long held the belief that a person should be able to put there whole heart and passion into pursuing their dreams, goals, and aspirations, and recover and continue on if they fall short.

This takes great emotional strength. Most people find the disappointments of life so frustrating that they can not continue to even think about dreams much less pursue them. There is something to not trying so you never feel the sting of failure. Please be certain, the breakdown of my marriage was indeed a failure. In fact, it is likely my greatest failure. Nevertheless, I press on.

Only time will tell if I am "keeping it real." I am hopeful, energized, and driven to press on at this moment in time. I am enjoying life in every aspect and at every moment. I don't live and die on every instance that takes place. Instead, I take things as they come and recognize that ups and downs are a reality of life. I have found great freedom and comfort in the truth of ebb and flow.

Hear me clearly, I am not 100% healed. The pain cuts deep. Yet, I won't allow my pain to stop me from living life. For the first time in a while I think I understand the point of continuing to live even in the midst of the 9/11 tragedy. It wasn't that we were to ignore the crushing blow we suffered as a nation. It was that we would press through and show our resolve even in our grief and sorrow. I have sad times. I have regrets. I have pain. None of that will stop me from living life. Is it real? Only time will tell.