I HAVE FOUND THE ENEMY

Earlier today I was enlightened by an old friend why I'm so lost in the dating game. I would love to maintain my line that I've been out the game for more than a decade and as a dedicated husband I have lost track of how the game is played. The truth is, I never had a hold of the game in the first place. Let's take a look at the issues.

Issue 1-Doubt

I was confronted today with the fact that if a woman is not interested then she wouldn't agree to spend time with you. Certainly, there are gold digging Chic's out there that will take a free meal at every turn. However, assuming all things are equal one should assume that if a woman will spend time with a person they have some level of genuine interest. I was always cautious and doubtful and consequently short circuited my own relationship.

Issue 2-Inclusion

I was informed that I did not take enough time to let relationships develop apart from the circle of friends. In my past life I did not designate time for 1 on 1 time so I could see the real person and they could see the real me. There is some evidence/arguments that say that people are the real them in group settings. Not always true. Some are, some aren't. This was a major mistake. If I could allow people to be comfortable in privacy then perhaps they would unveil themselves? Women are creatures of discretion....they crave privacy.



Issue 3-NERD

I can't deny what I am. I am a straight up nerd. I was able to cover some of this by my involvement in sports in high school. Being a jock has great benefits of friendship and notoriety. However, I am at my core a nerd. I'm a thinker. I like to read, write, politic, and think through things to no end. I'm funny and entertaining (in a know it all nerd type of way). Consequently, women have a tough time seeing themselves with me cause I'm not the norm. Maybe, that would change if I got paid like a nerd......hold that thought.

Issue 4-Friend Zone

Building off the issue of inclusion (too much, too soon, too often) I bring women into the Friend Zone. I thought it was the women that were putting me in the zone (Read I Might Be Gay). All this time it was me. By bringing women into the fold too soon it creates an atmosphere where they become one of the guys. Bad move. This leads to an undesired result....friends, not lovers. I do this all the time. Even if I don't bring women into the fold I tend to treat them like one of the guys. Tada!!! Friend Zone.

Issue 5-Unclear Intentions

Women are all about security. It's hard for them to make a move on a hunch. They want to know what the deal is up front. This is why they press for boundaries on the relationship, definition, and direction. I can be unclear as to my intentions in a relationship and leave women guessing. I'd be better off telling women I'm trying to hit rather than just leaving it out there. Woman aren't going to wait on a maybe when they have a yes else where. Make a move or the woman will. It's hard to be taken serious when you roll like this.

Issue 6-Clam Bake

Coming up my boys were always surprised at how I could spark a conversation with women. It was easy and still is for the most part. I have the gift of gab and know how to use it to engage folks. What I don't have is confidence when it comes to women I'm really interested in. I clam up big time (NERD) and self-destruct. Not a good look.

I'm sure there are more issues but I'm going to stop for now. I might revisit this issue as more clarity comes. As the famous saying goes, "I have found the enemy and he is me!" It's sad but true. The great, late, Ron Johnson taught the first enemy the warrior (Man) must face is self. Boy, ain't that the truth. I will be kicking myself for days to come on this issue. My life could be significantly different had I been able to overcome my issues.