For a long time now I've talked to people about what they are looking for in a mate. I recently joined an online dating site and as I puruse the profiles their I'm noticing a pattern and commone theme among single women. That theme is a strong statement and search for perfection. Many women make statements such as, "I've got my stuff together and want someone that does too," "I'm driven and ambitious and looking for same," or "I don't have time for games so please don't waste my time."
Such statements can be a deterent to well to do men. Again, I'm not perfect but I think I'm a good guy. I'm a home owner. I've got a job. I've got two degrees. I'm a man of moral character and values. I love my mom. I love and take care of my kids. I look out for others. And, I'm a man of faith.
On the down side, I've got debt from school, current credit problems, recently out of a long term relationship (recent as in year), and I'm a fat guy. Now, the thing about what I see in those profiles and what I get from my conversations is that these women suffer from some of the same if not more issues. Yet, they make incredibly strong statements about what they will and won't accept from day one. Again, little of this has to do with character but moreso with materials.
What if a man is not "driven?" What if he's perfectly happy with his life and simply wants to share his joy with a woman? What if the man isn't ambitious? What if he has no goals of conquest? What if he is driven and ambitious? Is the woman that says that's what she wants in a mate truly prepared for what a man that is driven will do to achieve his goals? What if the man is hard working and doing his best but life has just bitten him in the ass? Is that man worthy of the "together" woman?
I have to say again, some of these women that are advertising "togetherness" really aren't. I've known some of them well and there is a whole heap of mess behind that door. So why the advertisement for Superman when you're not Lois Lane? I think some of it is simply the pop culture of our day that is all about bling and gettin' yours. Some of it has to do with gold diggin' women disguising their shovels with the goal of seeking out that perfect guy. And then there's the woman that truly is driven, has it together, and is anal in such a way that she can't be with anyone unless they are a male version of herself.
I'm choosing a less perfect life with more happiness. I'm driven and ambitious and desireous for some of the better things in life. However, I know that the majority of Americans are middle class for a reason. There can only be a hanful of CEO's in the world. As the Bible says, "Time and Chance happen to us all." With that in mind I'm relaxing on the goal stuff and enjoying life. I'll still have my goals and go after them but they won't define me, make me, or break me. I think a lot of people would be happy if they enjoyed the person and not their resume. Why not be imperfectly happy?
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