Sometimes...

There are times in your life when your emotions do things your mind doesn't want it to do. It's a strange thing, but it's really common. It's actually rare that a persons Mind, Will, and Heart are in alignment as they should be. Often we know what we want to do, don't have the will to do it, and are indifferent either way. Or, we long for something and have the will but the mind just can't focus. We are in many ways a jumbled mess.

I find myself attracted to women I don't want to be attracted to. These are women I know are bad for my health. They've got track records that spell trouble. Yet, I get jealous for their attention. It's strange. I suppose you just can't control the actions of the heart. You can steer your will and make up your mind but the heart is doing to do what it is going to do.

That's not to say that your will or mind are any more reliable. They too, have been infected with the disease of sin and shortcoming. Hence, perception issues abound with bad decisions and motives. This would explain why men chase women they know are bad for them. Why women continue to be attracted to men that they know time and again have proven worthless. Why the good man and the good woman never seem to find each other. Again, we are an utter mess.

I don't like knowing that I have attraction to messed up people. I don't like that my heart doesn't follow my mind or my will. I hate pursuing lost causes. I hate being attracted to women that don't reciprocate. And, I hate that women that are interested don't hold my interest. I feel bad that I am doing to them what others do to me. Isn't that messed up?

Sometimes, I wish things would work out as planned. Sometimes, I wish you could just make up your mind, set your will, and follow your heart. Sometimes, I wish when you see a red flag you would lose interest immediately and drop that issue like a hot potatoe. Sometimes, I just wish good people would find good people and be happy together. Sometimes....Sometimes......