White Flag

There's a great song by the group, Far East Movement, called White Flag. It's a pretty good dance/party song. The beat is banging, the chorus is catchy. Overall, the lyrics are quite simple. Yet, a deeper look will reveal a very profound happening in relationships. The song is a story of love and surrender.

In this day and age the word "surrender" is equal to a four letter word. Maybe, even worse. We are a "can do" society that frowns on words such as "surrender." "submission," and "obedience." Ours is a nation born in rebellion and proud of it. This individualized promotion of self has carried through in a strong way from generation to generation. It has gone so far as to disconnect child from family as a show of one's independence. People spend their early years trying not to be like their family only to find that they're exactly like their family.

As the women's movement continues to press upward and onward such concepts as surrender in any sense may be cause for treason and banishment from the ranks of womanhood. Obviously, this is a hard place for many women to go in a relationship. The fear of being controlled, manipulated, or degraded gives women pause in terms of submission to their male counterparts. This is not without good reason. Men have done some dastardly deeds and taken advantage of women that have sought to submit all. That's not true of all men, but enough to be an issue.

At the same time, men are by no means docile creatures ready to lay it all down for love (Nor should they be). Yet, that is what makes the love of a man so great and so special. Men by nature have a desire for variety in sexual partners. Even the most righteous of men can not deny the recognition of an attractive beautiful woman. This is true even if he wants to. Men are visual creatures. Shape, movement, skin, all gain his attention without thought. It is a daunting task for a man to fight his natural desires (Though not impossible).

So, having said all that I want to say this; SURRENDER IS NEEDED FOR SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS! This is true on the side of both parties. There are both practical and romantic purposes behind this. I'll start with the mushy romantic stuff. If a person waves their white flag in surrender of their heart to another that is something truly special. They have been won over, captured, compelled, to give themselves to another. This is the stuff of movies and fairy tales. Every woman longs to be captured by her prince charming. Every man once to find a woman worthy of his life. Oh, that love would be this way for all times.

Most people like that side of surrender. It's romantic, easy, and almost without thought. The more practical, difficult, and necessary part of surrender is not always pleasant and requires purposeful focus. To surrender one to another is to give your heart to that person and to entrust them. It means that you will have to give up some of the hopes and dreams that you want for the needs of the other and the betterment of the relationship as a whole. For men, this may mean less time with the fellas. For women, this could mean pulling back on those shopping sprees. This could mean the giving and relenting of sex on both sides. Loving, sharing, sacrifice is needed.

I know of a man that has asked his fiance to remove male friends from her contact list. This might seem to some as overreaching and insecure. Yet, the man is asking her to do this as an act of love. In his words, "This is what I need." A woman that loves this man and has decided to surrender herself to him will do so gladly. A woman that has not surrendered may hesitate or outright reject the request. A man may be asked to adjust his work habits. I can speak from experience to this. There was a noticeable difference in the amount of time I put in at work pre-marriage, post-marriage, and post-children. It was a sacrifice. A sacrifice in money and goals.

There are many more things that one will have to give up or delay in a loving relationship. If you're not ready to wave your white flag and surrender then I would submit that you are not ready for a committed relationship. You're still caught up in self and meeting your own needs. If you recognize this as a reality of love and are willing to do so with joy, I say go forth and find love. I hope you find one worthy of your white flag.