Today is Memorial Day. This is a holiday in which we remember those that have served our country and gone on to glory. Today is also the day my grandfather was born. He died of cancer several years ago. Had he lived, he'd be 88 years old today.
No other individual has impacted my life so deeply as did my grandfather. The man I am is the man he shaped me to be. My comedic wit, my slow deep voice, and my laid back presentation are all products of my grandfather. I remember him as the smartest man to have ever lived.
I call him the smartest man because you could ask him what any word meant and he'd give you a clear understanding. It may not be what you would find in a dictionary and it may be crude, but it would be spot on in meaning. My grandfather was like map quest. You could ask him for directions and he would be able to rattle them off in detail out of memory. I guess it helps when you've walked most of the city since you were a child. i remember my grandfather provided me with the formula needed to ride straight through a string of lights without catching one single red light. My friends thought he was a genius.
My grandfather was my first coach, first opponent, and first team mate in sports. He supported me in all of my efforts and desires. At one point he was my taxi as I played for three different baseball teams all practicing on the same day. He was protective, funny, affectionate, and supportive. He was a man amongst men. Always watching, always aware.
The last time I saw my grandfather alive I left him saying that I would return to his side in two weeks as I had a meeting to attend the following week. My grandfather looked at me intensely and said, "Do what you got to do son." It was chilling and even more so when he passed away before my return to his side. It was as though he knew his time had come. It was deeply meaningful to me as he had not spoken much since his preceding hospital admission. I hear those words echo in my ears often.
Not only do I hear those words, I hear many of my grandfather's phrases and statements when I need them. One day while driving my car I was stressing out about all that was taking place in my life. Suddenly as clear as day I heard my grandfather's voice, "Do what you can. That's all you can do." Reminded of his wisdom I immediately let go of my worries knowing I had done all I could.
Not a day passes where I don't think about him. From time to time I dream of being in his presence. He never speaks but only smiles. Somehow, I know it's a dream and I try my best to hold onto the moment as long as I can. I'm happy to be in his presence but I wish I could hear him speak. When I wake up I'm usually in tears as I don't know when I will see him again. It's tough have such dreams. When my grandfather first past they came often. There were even times when I"d have a question for him and I'd go to call only to remember that there was no one to call anymore.
As I remembered my grandfather this morning as both his birthday and a deceased vet (Red Ball Express), I was brought to tears. More than tears, I was sobbing. There are so many times when I would like to hear his thoughts on life's situations. I really wish I could ask him about the ordeal of the past year. He was my father. He was my example. He was my friend. I love him deeply and miss him all the more.
Death is a part of this life. It's painful. It's dreamlike. It's effects are lingering. Yet, it is what we should expect. We will never grow used to death as it was never meant to be for us. We were meant to be everlasting. Created without end. With that being the case, death is a reminder that something is very wrong with us as a race. I cried today because I was reminded of a normal part of life that was never meant to be.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Night at the Movies
I have just returned from a 7 hour excursion to the movies. I had the time. I'm a movie lover. I figured why not? So, with gift card in hand I went off to the movies. I saw three features. First, was the Hangover Part II. The second, was Thor. And the third was, Priest. Allow me to give a little review.
Hangover Part II- This movie kept the formula it had success with in the first installment. The movie is stand alone funny as it takes you on another wild ride. There is a cultural twist in this movie compared to the first as it takes place in Thailand. The movie produces laugh out loud material. It's not the first one, but it's good.
Thor- I have to say I didn't expect much out of this movie. It would seem that a superhero with a hammer isn't that enthralling. However, Thor comes through with astounding visual effects, a good story line, and even better message. The main character looks like he's on roids and he makes the ladies in the audience swoon. There's plenty of action coupled with comic relief and unseen turns. I'd recommend that if you have the slightest interest in comic book movies that you check this one out.
Priest- I must say that I was somewhat disappointed in this production. The theme of the movie has great potential. Unfortunately, the neither the action nor the story line live up to the previews. It's been perfectly set up for a sequel. If one comes out I'm putting money on straight to video. The movie was entertaining but given a chance I would wait to see it at home.
So, that's a quick look at these three movies through my eyes. It's one of those things that I love to do and since I'm single I have the freedom to do so. I doubt I'll ever find a woman that would be interested in a movie marathon like this. If I do, then I'm sure I've found a gem.
Hangover Part II- This movie kept the formula it had success with in the first installment. The movie is stand alone funny as it takes you on another wild ride. There is a cultural twist in this movie compared to the first as it takes place in Thailand. The movie produces laugh out loud material. It's not the first one, but it's good.
Thor- I have to say I didn't expect much out of this movie. It would seem that a superhero with a hammer isn't that enthralling. However, Thor comes through with astounding visual effects, a good story line, and even better message. The main character looks like he's on roids and he makes the ladies in the audience swoon. There's plenty of action coupled with comic relief and unseen turns. I'd recommend that if you have the slightest interest in comic book movies that you check this one out.
Priest- I must say that I was somewhat disappointed in this production. The theme of the movie has great potential. Unfortunately, the neither the action nor the story line live up to the previews. It's been perfectly set up for a sequel. If one comes out I'm putting money on straight to video. The movie was entertaining but given a chance I would wait to see it at home.
So, that's a quick look at these three movies through my eyes. It's one of those things that I love to do and since I'm single I have the freedom to do so. I doubt I'll ever find a woman that would be interested in a movie marathon like this. If I do, then I'm sure I've found a gem.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Everybody Needs a Good Love Story
While watching Scott Pilgrim vs. The World I found myself thinking about how everyone needs a good love story. It's an unlikely source of revelation, but you get it where you can. Everybody needs a good love story. Two of my favorite authors, Miller and Eldrige, write about the need for adventure, the need for a story, and the need for love. This is in keeping with that theme.
People need to have something they're passionate about. People need a calling, an adventure, something they can spend their lives chasing after and feel no shame about at the end. People need love in their lives. I've found that typically love will assist us in finding that story that we want to live.
Love can make a man better. The men I know that are and have been in love have striven to do better than they ever would've on their own. Men want to provide for the one that has captured his heart. Men want to be that woman's hero. Men want to be that woman's knight. If a man finds himself in a relationship that does not motivate him to desire more, I would argue that man's not in love.
Love in and of itself is transforming. At least it should be. I can not see how two people can be connected in such a way that their hearts are intertwined together and yet remain unchanged. There should be a transfer of a spiritual nature that leaves the residue of one another imprinted upon the very core of the two. There is a saying that says, "if you want to serve Jesus remain single. If you want to be like Jesus get married." The interaction of two people is transforming.
Men and women alike should not have to be forced to serve and provide for the needs of one another in such relationships. Instead, they should do so willingly and with great passion. Counting it an honor to meet the needs of the one they love. This should not be dutiful, but joyful. This should not be a strain on life, but life inspiring.
The chase of each others hearts should not end with engagement, marriage, or even children. It is a chase that should last for life of the relationship with many twist and turns of adventure as you delve more deeply into the one you love. This is your love story. There will be an ongoing battle to keep the spark alive. There will be a battle to protect the heart of the beloved. There will be an ongoing battle to capture the imagination of one you have counted above all others.
This is what a good love story is about. It's about discovery and rediscovery. It's about exploration of the soul of another. It's about a journey into the mind and body. It's not a fairy tale. It's a reality. People are simple yet profound beings. We need not get stuck on the simplicity and find ourselves bored. We should instead seek to find a level of intimacy that goes beyond mere sexual activity or the knowing of one's favorite color. We should know each others dreams, fears, pains, pleasures, prayers, and aspirations.
I find the chase for one's heart to be very exciting. It's even greater when you have caught one of whom you are in pursuit of. Most people think this is the end of the journey. However, we are ever growing and changing beings. The place where we found the heart on this day may be only a footprint of the hearts being tomorrow. Therefore, continue to chase, continue to track, continue to seek to tame the heart. Continue to live a good love story.
People need to have something they're passionate about. People need a calling, an adventure, something they can spend their lives chasing after and feel no shame about at the end. People need love in their lives. I've found that typically love will assist us in finding that story that we want to live.
Love can make a man better. The men I know that are and have been in love have striven to do better than they ever would've on their own. Men want to provide for the one that has captured his heart. Men want to be that woman's hero. Men want to be that woman's knight. If a man finds himself in a relationship that does not motivate him to desire more, I would argue that man's not in love.
Love in and of itself is transforming. At least it should be. I can not see how two people can be connected in such a way that their hearts are intertwined together and yet remain unchanged. There should be a transfer of a spiritual nature that leaves the residue of one another imprinted upon the very core of the two. There is a saying that says, "if you want to serve Jesus remain single. If you want to be like Jesus get married." The interaction of two people is transforming.
Men and women alike should not have to be forced to serve and provide for the needs of one another in such relationships. Instead, they should do so willingly and with great passion. Counting it an honor to meet the needs of the one they love. This should not be dutiful, but joyful. This should not be a strain on life, but life inspiring.
The chase of each others hearts should not end with engagement, marriage, or even children. It is a chase that should last for life of the relationship with many twist and turns of adventure as you delve more deeply into the one you love. This is your love story. There will be an ongoing battle to keep the spark alive. There will be a battle to protect the heart of the beloved. There will be an ongoing battle to capture the imagination of one you have counted above all others.
This is what a good love story is about. It's about discovery and rediscovery. It's about exploration of the soul of another. It's about a journey into the mind and body. It's not a fairy tale. It's a reality. People are simple yet profound beings. We need not get stuck on the simplicity and find ourselves bored. We should instead seek to find a level of intimacy that goes beyond mere sexual activity or the knowing of one's favorite color. We should know each others dreams, fears, pains, pleasures, prayers, and aspirations.
I find the chase for one's heart to be very exciting. It's even greater when you have caught one of whom you are in pursuit of. Most people think this is the end of the journey. However, we are ever growing and changing beings. The place where we found the heart on this day may be only a footprint of the hearts being tomorrow. Therefore, continue to chase, continue to track, continue to seek to tame the heart. Continue to live a good love story.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Am I Racist?
Am I racist? Some people tend to believe that if you're black you can't be racist. Much of this is born out of academia where very specific definitions are assigned to such words as "racism" and "prejudice" under certain context. Most people don't use terms in that way so I won't bore you with all that. Needless to say, I do believe that you can be racist regardless of your ethnic background.
I ask the question of racism as it pertains to myself because I find a strong jealously if not anger rise up in me when I see white men with black women. The city I live in is one of the most diverse places I've ever been in my life. The city I grew up in is known to many as the Mississippi of the North. Interracial dating and marriage were extremely rare. Not so where I live now.
Where I live now, you see all types of relationship combinations. You see black men with white women. White men with black women. You even see mixes between those of Asian, African, and Indian decent. This was all so new to me many years ago when I moved here. I found it refreshing and pleasurable to see people loving one another without hesitation. I never once questioned it or thought ill of it. Lately, I have.
Just a few weeks ago I was at the local library with my children. As we were leaving a beautiful ethnic looking (read twisted hair) black woman engaged my daughter. I was entranced by her good looks and warm heart. Given her strong ethnic style I just knew she was "a sister down for the cause" so to speak. As we all walked out of the door together I was shocked to find that a white gentleman was waiting for her with the car door open, newborn baby in tow.
I've seen people that have very strong ethnic styles date people outside of their race. Usually, the person outside of the race is also down for the cause and you can tell by their dress. That wasn't the case in this situation. This guy looked like Joe smoe, John Hancock, white guy. He wasn't buff, wasn't stylish, didn't have dreads or twist, and did not appear to be financially well off. He was a normal guy. I thought to myself, "How did that happen?"
In another situation one week ago I was at a carnival. While waiting for my children to finish a ride my attention was caught by a very sexy black woman. She took my breath. She too had a very ethnic style about her. I did not think to look for her boyfriend or husband when I saw her. My attention was focused solely on her. Within seconds, I would come to find out that she was being escorted by a white man. I was shocked on this one.
This guy looked like Michael Douglas' character from the movie Falling Down. The contrast in styles was compounded by this woman's "fineness." I thought it was such an unusual pairing that I took a picture with my phone to get a second opinion. Don't worry, I've since deleted it after gaining that second and third opinion. The opinions were the same. They just didn't look right together,
I had to ask myself if I was racist? After all, it's a valid question when you find yourself questioning the relationships of those from different ethnic cultures. After doing some serious thinking and reflection I have to the conclusion that I am not racist. What I am is, jealous. Further digging revealed that I ask the question of why people are together regardless of their ethnic backgrounds.
I ask, how did the fat sloppy guy get that girl to like him? How did the guy with the bucket pull a hotty like that? What is it that she sees in him? The real question is, "Why don't they see that in me?" Truth is, it's a question of my own self-confidence and self-worth. In my heart of hearts I wonder if I'm some type of weirdo or if I have a personality disorder that makes me unbearable to people. These are the honest thoughts I have.
The good news is that I'm not racist. The bad news is that I have haunting questions still floating around in my head. These are not good questions because it looks for validation outside of myself. If my self-worth, self-image, and self-esteem are dependent upon a woman validating me then I am truly lost. That is not how things should be and if that is the case any woman that would have me would eventually not have me on that alone. I've got some work to do. Like I said, the good news is I'm not racist.
I ask the question of racism as it pertains to myself because I find a strong jealously if not anger rise up in me when I see white men with black women. The city I live in is one of the most diverse places I've ever been in my life. The city I grew up in is known to many as the Mississippi of the North. Interracial dating and marriage were extremely rare. Not so where I live now.
Where I live now, you see all types of relationship combinations. You see black men with white women. White men with black women. You even see mixes between those of Asian, African, and Indian decent. This was all so new to me many years ago when I moved here. I found it refreshing and pleasurable to see people loving one another without hesitation. I never once questioned it or thought ill of it. Lately, I have.
Just a few weeks ago I was at the local library with my children. As we were leaving a beautiful ethnic looking (read twisted hair) black woman engaged my daughter. I was entranced by her good looks and warm heart. Given her strong ethnic style I just knew she was "a sister down for the cause" so to speak. As we all walked out of the door together I was shocked to find that a white gentleman was waiting for her with the car door open, newborn baby in tow.
I've seen people that have very strong ethnic styles date people outside of their race. Usually, the person outside of the race is also down for the cause and you can tell by their dress. That wasn't the case in this situation. This guy looked like Joe smoe, John Hancock, white guy. He wasn't buff, wasn't stylish, didn't have dreads or twist, and did not appear to be financially well off. He was a normal guy. I thought to myself, "How did that happen?"
In another situation one week ago I was at a carnival. While waiting for my children to finish a ride my attention was caught by a very sexy black woman. She took my breath. She too had a very ethnic style about her. I did not think to look for her boyfriend or husband when I saw her. My attention was focused solely on her. Within seconds, I would come to find out that she was being escorted by a white man. I was shocked on this one.
This guy looked like Michael Douglas' character from the movie Falling Down. The contrast in styles was compounded by this woman's "fineness." I thought it was such an unusual pairing that I took a picture with my phone to get a second opinion. Don't worry, I've since deleted it after gaining that second and third opinion. The opinions were the same. They just didn't look right together,
I had to ask myself if I was racist? After all, it's a valid question when you find yourself questioning the relationships of those from different ethnic cultures. After doing some serious thinking and reflection I have to the conclusion that I am not racist. What I am is, jealous. Further digging revealed that I ask the question of why people are together regardless of their ethnic backgrounds.
I ask, how did the fat sloppy guy get that girl to like him? How did the guy with the bucket pull a hotty like that? What is it that she sees in him? The real question is, "Why don't they see that in me?" Truth is, it's a question of my own self-confidence and self-worth. In my heart of hearts I wonder if I'm some type of weirdo or if I have a personality disorder that makes me unbearable to people. These are the honest thoughts I have.
The good news is that I'm not racist. The bad news is that I have haunting questions still floating around in my head. These are not good questions because it looks for validation outside of myself. If my self-worth, self-image, and self-esteem are dependent upon a woman validating me then I am truly lost. That is not how things should be and if that is the case any woman that would have me would eventually not have me on that alone. I've got some work to do. Like I said, the good news is I'm not racist.
Something I'm good at...
As I mentioned earlier, I recently had an opportunity to speak at a Toast Master's event. It was the first Toast Master's even I've ever had the privilege of attending or participating in. I had a great time. Not only did I enjoy the meeting and the presentations, I enjoyed the part where I was able to speak to the group.
I've never been shy about public speaking. It comes quite naturally to me. In fact, it energizes me. Those that have known me well say that I come to life when I speak to a group. I'm a big fan of ideas, theories, philosophy, and words, so I love sharing concepts in a public forum.
My skill as a speaker has been confirmed throughout my life. I regularly get raving reviews when I speak in public. I've even received raving reviews during some of the less than desirable situations. When my grandfather passed away I spoke at his funeral about what he meant to me and to others. People said they laughed, they cried, they remembered, and were comforted by my words. One person said that it was the only time he'd seen a prominent member of my family outdone. Knowing this family member and his reputation well I was quite honored by that comment. More than anything, I was honored that I honored my grandfather.
I was once the speaker at a fundraising event. Prior to the event, I was seated next to a lovely couple. We discussed a great many things pertinent to the fundraiser at hand. Days later, I was informed that this man and his wife were the largest donors and said they did so based upon my presentation of the organization. Once again, I was pleased.
What can I say? I'm a good speaker. I'd like to do much more of it. I'd like to get paid for it. I'd like it to be a large portion of my career. Problem is, I haven't figured out how to make that happen yet. It's long been my hope that if I ever can complete one of the 12 books I've titled and outlined I would find an outlet for public speaking. But that depends on my discipline as a writer and the receptivity of the audience I'm writing too. Well, at least I know one thing I'm good at.
I've never been shy about public speaking. It comes quite naturally to me. In fact, it energizes me. Those that have known me well say that I come to life when I speak to a group. I'm a big fan of ideas, theories, philosophy, and words, so I love sharing concepts in a public forum.
My skill as a speaker has been confirmed throughout my life. I regularly get raving reviews when I speak in public. I've even received raving reviews during some of the less than desirable situations. When my grandfather passed away I spoke at his funeral about what he meant to me and to others. People said they laughed, they cried, they remembered, and were comforted by my words. One person said that it was the only time he'd seen a prominent member of my family outdone. Knowing this family member and his reputation well I was quite honored by that comment. More than anything, I was honored that I honored my grandfather.
I was once the speaker at a fundraising event. Prior to the event, I was seated next to a lovely couple. We discussed a great many things pertinent to the fundraiser at hand. Days later, I was informed that this man and his wife were the largest donors and said they did so based upon my presentation of the organization. Once again, I was pleased.
What can I say? I'm a good speaker. I'd like to do much more of it. I'd like to get paid for it. I'd like it to be a large portion of my career. Problem is, I haven't figured out how to make that happen yet. It's long been my hope that if I ever can complete one of the 12 books I've titled and outlined I would find an outlet for public speaking. But that depends on my discipline as a writer and the receptivity of the audience I'm writing too. Well, at least I know one thing I'm good at.
56
The other night I hung out with a 56 year old Caucasian woman. In case you don't know, I'm a mid 30's Black man. It was just she and I at a two person table in a local bar and grill. It would seem like a weird mix but I had a great time.
We sat and discussed everything from work, education, family, and relationships. This meeting went on for over 3 hours. It was kind of strange in some ways as we were not particularly close in the past. We were co-workers with chance passings in the hallways.
What's even more funny is that she was talking about how she doesn't look 56. Instead, she looks early 40's. I'd have to agree with her on that as I was surprised to hear her age. She also said that she has a long history of dating men a decade or more younger than she is because of her young looks. She actually said she was struggling with an internal debate as to whether or not she should pursue or allow herself to be pursued by younger men.
She doesn't have anything against older men. She just said that they don't look like fun. They don't look like they have the energy to get out and live. She wasn't talking about sex. She made it clear that she's not looking for a young whipper snapper that can go all night in the sack. She's just looking for someone that wants to do something. I can't blame her for that.
Before I arrived at the bar and grill, I spoke with a close friend and told him who I was meeting. I told him I looked forward to the meeting but wished I was hanging out with a young hotti. Oddly enough, I found myself asking if I would be alright with dating a woman that much older than myself? After all, we hit it off. She was cool. She was fun. She was interesting. Yet and still, she's 23 years my senior.
When I really search myself I know I can't handle that age gap comfortably. I know some have and do. It's just not me. I've always felt that I was born at the wrong time. I've missed many great opportunities because the timing was all wrong. In some ways, I feel like this could have been one of them. I can't do the cougar or the cheetah thing. If we were talking purely sex, I might. But that's not who I am and even then I don't know that I could show up. 56 is hardly old, it's just too far away for me at this time.
We sat and discussed everything from work, education, family, and relationships. This meeting went on for over 3 hours. It was kind of strange in some ways as we were not particularly close in the past. We were co-workers with chance passings in the hallways.
What's even more funny is that she was talking about how she doesn't look 56. Instead, she looks early 40's. I'd have to agree with her on that as I was surprised to hear her age. She also said that she has a long history of dating men a decade or more younger than she is because of her young looks. She actually said she was struggling with an internal debate as to whether or not she should pursue or allow herself to be pursued by younger men.
She doesn't have anything against older men. She just said that they don't look like fun. They don't look like they have the energy to get out and live. She wasn't talking about sex. She made it clear that she's not looking for a young whipper snapper that can go all night in the sack. She's just looking for someone that wants to do something. I can't blame her for that.
Before I arrived at the bar and grill, I spoke with a close friend and told him who I was meeting. I told him I looked forward to the meeting but wished I was hanging out with a young hotti. Oddly enough, I found myself asking if I would be alright with dating a woman that much older than myself? After all, we hit it off. She was cool. She was fun. She was interesting. Yet and still, she's 23 years my senior.
When I really search myself I know I can't handle that age gap comfortably. I know some have and do. It's just not me. I've always felt that I was born at the wrong time. I've missed many great opportunities because the timing was all wrong. In some ways, I feel like this could have been one of them. I can't do the cougar or the cheetah thing. If we were talking purely sex, I might. But that's not who I am and even then I don't know that I could show up. 56 is hardly old, it's just too far away for me at this time.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
I'M THE GAY FRIEND
I've talked about this subject before but I have just been reminded of who I "must" be. I must be the gay friend. What straight man is told by women over and over that he's handsome, a great conversationalist, funny (real funny), a man's man, and a great guy, without gaining the attraction of those that make such statements? A gay man.
I wouldn't be trippin' if these comments came from family members or older women. That's not the case. These comments come from women. Might I add, women I'm attracted to. Yet, when I make a move for a deeper relationship I'm treated like I've got leprosy or something. Suddenly, all of my excellent qualities are Nil.
This leads to a couple of conclusions on my part. One, these women are lying in an effort to be polite. I just can't believe that given the consistency of the compliments so I have to pass on that one. Two, these women have serious issues and even though they recognize that I'm a good guy they can't bring themselves to be interested because they prefer bad guys. This may be true. Three, I am all of these qualities. I'm just gay (unbeknownst to myself) and therefore don't have a chance. Seems like a stretch on my part but hey, one never knows now do we?
Just for the record, I'm not gay. Never considered it, never questioned it. Just not. I shouldn't be surprised by my outcomes with women. This has been a life pattern as stated in the past. I meet all the qualifications for the job. I'm a hard worker. I get good results. I just don't have that certain umph needed to break through that glass ceiling or heart as it were.
Allow me to illustrate an example. I recently had an opportunity to speak at a Toastmaster's event. If you don't know, Toastmaster's is a group of people that gather to improve on and overcome the fear of public speaking while developing leadership skills. I am not a member and was not slated to speak until 15 minutes before the event began. Nevertheless, I delivered. After the event I was given many compliments concerning my oratory skills. Truth is, I love public speaking. The problem, I'm recognized by others as having tremendous skill in this area while not being recognized in the places I desire to to it most. Much like in relationships.
This was true in many areas growing up and now it's true as an adult. I'm well thought of at work and good reviews have been plentiful from both inside and outside of my agency. My hope is that this trend continues and that it pays off. However, with my track record in life matters I'm not confident. So, back to the question at hand. Am I the gay friend? I must be. It really doesn't matter if I'm gay or not. It only matters if I'm perceived in such a way by those of the opposite sex. Perception is reality, no matter whether valid or invalid. I guess this is my fate for now. Maybe a new fad of women dating their gay friends will roll in and a weakness will become a strength. One never knows...
I wouldn't be trippin' if these comments came from family members or older women. That's not the case. These comments come from women. Might I add, women I'm attracted to. Yet, when I make a move for a deeper relationship I'm treated like I've got leprosy or something. Suddenly, all of my excellent qualities are Nil.
This leads to a couple of conclusions on my part. One, these women are lying in an effort to be polite. I just can't believe that given the consistency of the compliments so I have to pass on that one. Two, these women have serious issues and even though they recognize that I'm a good guy they can't bring themselves to be interested because they prefer bad guys. This may be true. Three, I am all of these qualities. I'm just gay (unbeknownst to myself) and therefore don't have a chance. Seems like a stretch on my part but hey, one never knows now do we?
Just for the record, I'm not gay. Never considered it, never questioned it. Just not. I shouldn't be surprised by my outcomes with women. This has been a life pattern as stated in the past. I meet all the qualifications for the job. I'm a hard worker. I get good results. I just don't have that certain umph needed to break through that glass ceiling or heart as it were.
Allow me to illustrate an example. I recently had an opportunity to speak at a Toastmaster's event. If you don't know, Toastmaster's is a group of people that gather to improve on and overcome the fear of public speaking while developing leadership skills. I am not a member and was not slated to speak until 15 minutes before the event began. Nevertheless, I delivered. After the event I was given many compliments concerning my oratory skills. Truth is, I love public speaking. The problem, I'm recognized by others as having tremendous skill in this area while not being recognized in the places I desire to to it most. Much like in relationships.
This was true in many areas growing up and now it's true as an adult. I'm well thought of at work and good reviews have been plentiful from both inside and outside of my agency. My hope is that this trend continues and that it pays off. However, with my track record in life matters I'm not confident. So, back to the question at hand. Am I the gay friend? I must be. It really doesn't matter if I'm gay or not. It only matters if I'm perceived in such a way by those of the opposite sex. Perception is reality, no matter whether valid or invalid. I guess this is my fate for now. Maybe a new fad of women dating their gay friends will roll in and a weakness will become a strength. One never knows...
WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM OPRAH
The Queen of America laid down her scepter today. Oprah Winfrey aired her last day time talk show today. Although I don't agree with all of Oprah's stances on life issues, I have an immense amount of respect for her as a person and professional. There is a lot we can learn from Oprah:
YOU CAN OVERCOME- Oprah has shown that people can overcome great obstacles in this life. She didn't just show case the power of the human spirit and it's ability to overcome pain, she lived it. Oprah was a victim of sexual abuse as a child. For many people this is a debilitating event that retards forward movement in life. I'm not saying that Oprah doesn't still have effects from the impact of her abuse. I'm just saying that she didn't let it stop her.
YOU CAN REINVENT YOURSELF- I don't know if you remember what the Oprah show looked like when it first hit the air, but it was a lot different than what it looks like today. If memory serves me correctly, when her show first hit the airwaves it was more like Ricky Lake, Jenny Jones, or Jerry Springer and less like Martha Stewart. Her first presentation worked for a while. It was new to TV and folks were into it. However, that wasn't a recipe for longevity. She was able to successfully transform her show from that to a classy, insightful, and still entertaining venue. Quite an accomplishment.
HELPING PEOPLE CAN PAY OFF- Oprah has a reputation for helping people. It's really incredible when you think about it. Helping people wasn't something she did on the side like many famous people that have organizations for public relations and tax shelter purposes. No, helping people was what she did. It connects with folks when you help others. People know that everybody could use a helping hand. They have their own story and know the stories of their family and friends. Oprah's helping of others paid off in a big way.
TRANSPARENCY IS A GOOD THING-Oprah shared a lot of herself with the public. Certainly, she has her privacy. However, she talked about her struggles with weight, her history of abuse, and even her unknown sister. There's little need to hide. People are people and many of us have been through such things. It's about connecting and she did it with the best of them. Stop hiding who you are. Feel free. You'll come to find that most people can relate to your struggle.
HARD WORK DOES PAY OFF-Oprah has a reputation for being a very driven and hard working person. You don't become a first generation Billionaire without it. Many people today want to strike it lucky and hit it big. It's not likely. Instead, a steady dose of hard work and dedication could make all the difference. There are no guarantees, but I think time has proven that hard work is the way to go.
EVERYBODY NEEDS A STRONG TEAM-Oprah surrounded herself with talented and able people. Nothing great has ever been achieved by an individual. You need a team to do big things. Heck, you need a team to do small things. Surround yourself with good people. That's not to say that you look at everyone as a part of your business. It's just to say, make sure you have quality folks in your life.
Oprah brought a lot to the American landscape for a great many people. She continues on in a different venue now. I'm sure there will be more to learn as she continues to grow and transition. There is no doubt that she is a phenomenal person, an American Treasure, and a Universal Icon.
YOU CAN OVERCOME- Oprah has shown that people can overcome great obstacles in this life. She didn't just show case the power of the human spirit and it's ability to overcome pain, she lived it. Oprah was a victim of sexual abuse as a child. For many people this is a debilitating event that retards forward movement in life. I'm not saying that Oprah doesn't still have effects from the impact of her abuse. I'm just saying that she didn't let it stop her.
YOU CAN REINVENT YOURSELF- I don't know if you remember what the Oprah show looked like when it first hit the air, but it was a lot different than what it looks like today. If memory serves me correctly, when her show first hit the airwaves it was more like Ricky Lake, Jenny Jones, or Jerry Springer and less like Martha Stewart. Her first presentation worked for a while. It was new to TV and folks were into it. However, that wasn't a recipe for longevity. She was able to successfully transform her show from that to a classy, insightful, and still entertaining venue. Quite an accomplishment.
HELPING PEOPLE CAN PAY OFF- Oprah has a reputation for helping people. It's really incredible when you think about it. Helping people wasn't something she did on the side like many famous people that have organizations for public relations and tax shelter purposes. No, helping people was what she did. It connects with folks when you help others. People know that everybody could use a helping hand. They have their own story and know the stories of their family and friends. Oprah's helping of others paid off in a big way.
TRANSPARENCY IS A GOOD THING-Oprah shared a lot of herself with the public. Certainly, she has her privacy. However, she talked about her struggles with weight, her history of abuse, and even her unknown sister. There's little need to hide. People are people and many of us have been through such things. It's about connecting and she did it with the best of them. Stop hiding who you are. Feel free. You'll come to find that most people can relate to your struggle.
HARD WORK DOES PAY OFF-Oprah has a reputation for being a very driven and hard working person. You don't become a first generation Billionaire without it. Many people today want to strike it lucky and hit it big. It's not likely. Instead, a steady dose of hard work and dedication could make all the difference. There are no guarantees, but I think time has proven that hard work is the way to go.
EVERYBODY NEEDS A STRONG TEAM-Oprah surrounded herself with talented and able people. Nothing great has ever been achieved by an individual. You need a team to do big things. Heck, you need a team to do small things. Surround yourself with good people. That's not to say that you look at everyone as a part of your business. It's just to say, make sure you have quality folks in your life.
Oprah brought a lot to the American landscape for a great many people. She continues on in a different venue now. I'm sure there will be more to learn as she continues to grow and transition. There is no doubt that she is a phenomenal person, an American Treasure, and a Universal Icon.
Somethings Wrong
A friend of mine is a beautiful Puerto Rican woman. She's a sports fan, a car lover, plays video games, and loves food. The woman is in good shape too. She's got long gorgeous legs and a wonderful smile. She also has a master's degree and makes an excellent living (enough to purchase a custom made BMW). One would think that she is a catch. After all, it's not often that you find this combination of interest in a woman.
However, she reports that she is having a tough time keeping a man. My friend has a desire to be married and have children. She claims that men don't want to commit for any number of reasons. My friend states that her most recent boyfriend took issue with her superior earning power. For him, making less money was messing with his manhood. My friends perspective was that they were a team and it didn't matter who made more money. I couldn't agree more. In addition to the money issue, she reports that this guy was upset that she could eat like a horse and gain little to no weight while he was seeing the lbs. move up on his own body. What a softy.
I don't know the inner workings of her relationships. I can only go on what she is telling me. It's hard to believe that a woman that brings all this to the table can't find a man to love and commit to her. Something has got to be wrong. I've offered my services to help my friend. I proposed that we date so I can tell her what she's doing wrong so she can make adjustments and get what she wants. She found that proposal comical. However, I have made it to her "people she must see" list when she visits the area. I'm satisfied with that.
My friend seems to good to be true. Who's to say what the truth is. Is it really possible that men are passing up on this prize? Anythings possible. I have to believe that something is not quite right. It could be a personality quirk, who knows? Something isn't right with this picture. Maybe, just maybe, she's the male version of myself. Maybe she's a good woman that for whatever reason can't find that good man that matches her needs and desires. Maybe I'll see when she comes to visit "her people."
However, she reports that she is having a tough time keeping a man. My friend has a desire to be married and have children. She claims that men don't want to commit for any number of reasons. My friend states that her most recent boyfriend took issue with her superior earning power. For him, making less money was messing with his manhood. My friends perspective was that they were a team and it didn't matter who made more money. I couldn't agree more. In addition to the money issue, she reports that this guy was upset that she could eat like a horse and gain little to no weight while he was seeing the lbs. move up on his own body. What a softy.
I don't know the inner workings of her relationships. I can only go on what she is telling me. It's hard to believe that a woman that brings all this to the table can't find a man to love and commit to her. Something has got to be wrong. I've offered my services to help my friend. I proposed that we date so I can tell her what she's doing wrong so she can make adjustments and get what she wants. She found that proposal comical. However, I have made it to her "people she must see" list when she visits the area. I'm satisfied with that.
My friend seems to good to be true. Who's to say what the truth is. Is it really possible that men are passing up on this prize? Anythings possible. I have to believe that something is not quite right. It could be a personality quirk, who knows? Something isn't right with this picture. Maybe, just maybe, she's the male version of myself. Maybe she's a good woman that for whatever reason can't find that good man that matches her needs and desires. Maybe I'll see when she comes to visit "her people."
Rejection
I have recently been rejected by two of my dating interest. The most recent taking place just a few days ago. I can't say that I like it. What I can say is that it's a part of life and I'm not impacted in the same way I was in the past. As the saying goes, it is what it is.
The first rejection came at the hands of a previously mentioned woman. She's a beautiful red headed woman (I love red heads) who is divorced with two kids. I too am on the path of divorce with two kids so I don't knock her for that. She appears to be a caring, wholesome, fun, person with a matching personality. I told her of my interest and asked her on a date and she gave me the yes/no answer. Which in the end is a no.
I didn't know how to approach this as a clear answer wasn't really given. After mentioning my interest she became more touchy feely, showed me pics of his kids, and gave me her phone number. Yet, she would not agree to go out with me. Seeing the writing on the wall I decided to withdraw my interest and myself. A maybe is a no when it comes to dating. Know that for sure.
The second woman was not a woman I had any intentions of being attracted to. She's got some issues and no one is really sure how many bags she's carrying around. Nevertheless, I found myself attracted to her. We had hung out a few times and she was complimentary of my wit, intellect, and appearance. I thought to myself, "Hey, I think she likes me." The last time we hung out I was aroused by the excitement and could not shake the feeling. My goal wasn't to sleep with the woman. Sex is rather easy to obtain. I wanted to pursue a relationship.
I asked this woman if she would be offended if I were to kiss her. She told me that I would be crossing the line. Later, she said that she couldn't engage me on that level because I am her "friend." I was somewhat confused by all this. After all, she had stated that she wanted to establish a friendship with the next man she dated...check. She also said that she enjoyed my company and that I have the ability to engage her intellectually as well as comically...check. She said that she finds me attractive...check. And, that I'm a good guy...check. Not to mention she had previously stated that she would date me (This was said at a time when I was not healthy and therefore I warned her to not get involved at this time.). Seemed, like a clear path to me.
I was wrong. Apparently, although I meet all types of criteria something is missing. I can't tell you what that is. I can only assume that it's the absence of scum bag in my resume. Apart from that I don't see the issue. In keeping with my enough friends mantra I told her there was no need to hang out anymore. After all, why would I torture myself like that? One person said that I was saying that because I couldn't have sex with her I didn't want to hang around. That's logical, but not true. If I'm attracted to someone and have a desire for more, why would I continue to come around post rejection? It's not sensible. Hence, I push on.
I'm taking this in stride. I have questions because that's the way I am, inquisitive. But, I won't let this deter me or keep me down. In the past I would have looked at myself as though something were wrong with me. Now, I look at them and know something is wrong with them. I'm a good man. I bring a great deal to the table. If others can not recognize that I shall not beg for recognition. Instead, like the high quality product I am, I will remain on the shelf until a proper buyer has come along.
The first rejection came at the hands of a previously mentioned woman. She's a beautiful red headed woman (I love red heads) who is divorced with two kids. I too am on the path of divorce with two kids so I don't knock her for that. She appears to be a caring, wholesome, fun, person with a matching personality. I told her of my interest and asked her on a date and she gave me the yes/no answer. Which in the end is a no.
I didn't know how to approach this as a clear answer wasn't really given. After mentioning my interest she became more touchy feely, showed me pics of his kids, and gave me her phone number. Yet, she would not agree to go out with me. Seeing the writing on the wall I decided to withdraw my interest and myself. A maybe is a no when it comes to dating. Know that for sure.
The second woman was not a woman I had any intentions of being attracted to. She's got some issues and no one is really sure how many bags she's carrying around. Nevertheless, I found myself attracted to her. We had hung out a few times and she was complimentary of my wit, intellect, and appearance. I thought to myself, "Hey, I think she likes me." The last time we hung out I was aroused by the excitement and could not shake the feeling. My goal wasn't to sleep with the woman. Sex is rather easy to obtain. I wanted to pursue a relationship.
I asked this woman if she would be offended if I were to kiss her. She told me that I would be crossing the line. Later, she said that she couldn't engage me on that level because I am her "friend." I was somewhat confused by all this. After all, she had stated that she wanted to establish a friendship with the next man she dated...check. She also said that she enjoyed my company and that I have the ability to engage her intellectually as well as comically...check. She said that she finds me attractive...check. And, that I'm a good guy...check. Not to mention she had previously stated that she would date me (This was said at a time when I was not healthy and therefore I warned her to not get involved at this time.). Seemed, like a clear path to me.
I was wrong. Apparently, although I meet all types of criteria something is missing. I can't tell you what that is. I can only assume that it's the absence of scum bag in my resume. Apart from that I don't see the issue. In keeping with my enough friends mantra I told her there was no need to hang out anymore. After all, why would I torture myself like that? One person said that I was saying that because I couldn't have sex with her I didn't want to hang around. That's logical, but not true. If I'm attracted to someone and have a desire for more, why would I continue to come around post rejection? It's not sensible. Hence, I push on.
I'm taking this in stride. I have questions because that's the way I am, inquisitive. But, I won't let this deter me or keep me down. In the past I would have looked at myself as though something were wrong with me. Now, I look at them and know something is wrong with them. I'm a good man. I bring a great deal to the table. If others can not recognize that I shall not beg for recognition. Instead, like the high quality product I am, I will remain on the shelf until a proper buyer has come along.
Dominance
As I continue to examine relationships I've come to notice a common theme in the most successful ones. Is it understanding? Nope! Is it mutual respect? Nope! Is it equal share in all things? Nope! Is it tossing out of traditional rolls? Nope! Is it the financial prowess? Nope! Is it physical? Nope! Is it sacrificial love? Nope! So, what is it?
And the answer is....DOMINANCE! I can't tell you how many successful, long lasting, and satisfactory relationships I've seen that have the presence of a dominant male. As a young man I used to think that a dominant, heavy handed, male would be the destruction of a relationship. As I'm a little older and a little wiser I have come to see that I am wrong.
Sure, the women in these relationships complain about the dominance of the man. However, at the same time there is a respect and a love that draws them. This dominance I speak of is not one born of abuse. No, it's one of masculinity compounded with a loving and caring protection. In some ways it's like eating vegetables. They're good for you and you know it, even though it's not your favorite thing.
Some may ask, "What if the woman is dominant?" Let me say this clearly; "IT CAN'T WORK!!!!" Men that have a dominant female companion are unhappy. Not only are they unhappy, so is the dominant woman. No woman wants a push over. Even if she thinks she wants a push over she really doesn't. This is usually played out by the woman dumping the man. A dominant woman is a recipe for disaster.
You may argue against my point, but just look around you and see what's working. You can't deny the evidence. There is a need for leadership in any institution, including dating. When a man brings that leadership quality to the table and remains consistent in his care he has set himself on a path for relational success. From an anecdotal perspective, I've noticed that dominant men have sex more often than non-dominant men. They are more greatly supported in their decisions and goals. And, the woman appears to be secure in her relationship. You can't beat that.
Dominance is just that, dominance. Superior leadership, superior relationships. A strong man leads to a feeling of security. Kick and fight this truth as much as you want, it won't change the facts of life. If you're a woman that thinks you love a "liberal" man of the new millennium, ask yourself if you're happy? If you're a man that has seen failing relationship after failing relationship or no relationship at all, look at your leadership. Look at your dominance (or lack there of). It can make all the difference.
And the answer is....DOMINANCE! I can't tell you how many successful, long lasting, and satisfactory relationships I've seen that have the presence of a dominant male. As a young man I used to think that a dominant, heavy handed, male would be the destruction of a relationship. As I'm a little older and a little wiser I have come to see that I am wrong.
Sure, the women in these relationships complain about the dominance of the man. However, at the same time there is a respect and a love that draws them. This dominance I speak of is not one born of abuse. No, it's one of masculinity compounded with a loving and caring protection. In some ways it's like eating vegetables. They're good for you and you know it, even though it's not your favorite thing.
Some may ask, "What if the woman is dominant?" Let me say this clearly; "IT CAN'T WORK!!!!" Men that have a dominant female companion are unhappy. Not only are they unhappy, so is the dominant woman. No woman wants a push over. Even if she thinks she wants a push over she really doesn't. This is usually played out by the woman dumping the man. A dominant woman is a recipe for disaster.
You may argue against my point, but just look around you and see what's working. You can't deny the evidence. There is a need for leadership in any institution, including dating. When a man brings that leadership quality to the table and remains consistent in his care he has set himself on a path for relational success. From an anecdotal perspective, I've noticed that dominant men have sex more often than non-dominant men. They are more greatly supported in their decisions and goals. And, the woman appears to be secure in her relationship. You can't beat that.
Dominance is just that, dominance. Superior leadership, superior relationships. A strong man leads to a feeling of security. Kick and fight this truth as much as you want, it won't change the facts of life. If you're a woman that thinks you love a "liberal" man of the new millennium, ask yourself if you're happy? If you're a man that has seen failing relationship after failing relationship or no relationship at all, look at your leadership. Look at your dominance (or lack there of). It can make all the difference.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Falling Apart
This weekend has brought an onslaught of home disasters. As I was doing laundry today I noticed a trail of water running from my water tank to the drain. I may have seen this before but usually it's gone rather quickly. This had a different, more serious look. While adjusting my shades I pulled two of them right off the window. While cleaning out my car I unplugged my vacuum and took the socket cover with it. Just moments ago the smoke detector started beeping for a new battery.
This mirrors life in many respects. You don't always see these things coming. More importantly, you're not always prepared to take care of these issues when they come. My pockets are on "E" right now. The amount of travel I do in my don't need it anymore minivan is killing the pockets. $50 only puts me at half a tank. While energy and food prices rise my income remains static. That's a bad recipe for tying those ends together. I've got to much month at the end of these checks.
Yet, I press on with a will not to be stifled. You can only do what you can do, and that's all you can do. So, I make the best of a bad situation. I have little to no entertainment fund beyond my meager expenditures. I recently discontinued cable and a home telephone. I haven't been on a date in weeks. I don't go out and kick it. And besides an unplanned but very important trip out of town, I don't leave my city. Truth be told, my entertainment fund is approximately $50 a month. That's Internet, netflix, and gym cost all together.
What a glorious and thrilling life. I search the net. I hit the gym. And, I watch movies endlessly. Unlike Kanye, I don't have the power to make your life so exciting. Heck, I don't have the power to make my life exciting. Nevertheless, things could be worse...a whole lot worse. For now I make due. I'm putting out apps for part time work. I'm eating at home (that includes everything in the freezer). And I limit extra travel. Somethings got to give sometime soon. Speeches from the Prez and other so called leaders won't cut it. Much like my house, the nation is falling apart. Hey, at least I have company (unwanted as it is).
This mirrors life in many respects. You don't always see these things coming. More importantly, you're not always prepared to take care of these issues when they come. My pockets are on "E" right now. The amount of travel I do in my don't need it anymore minivan is killing the pockets. $50 only puts me at half a tank. While energy and food prices rise my income remains static. That's a bad recipe for tying those ends together. I've got to much month at the end of these checks.
Yet, I press on with a will not to be stifled. You can only do what you can do, and that's all you can do. So, I make the best of a bad situation. I have little to no entertainment fund beyond my meager expenditures. I recently discontinued cable and a home telephone. I haven't been on a date in weeks. I don't go out and kick it. And besides an unplanned but very important trip out of town, I don't leave my city. Truth be told, my entertainment fund is approximately $50 a month. That's Internet, netflix, and gym cost all together.
What a glorious and thrilling life. I search the net. I hit the gym. And, I watch movies endlessly. Unlike Kanye, I don't have the power to make your life so exciting. Heck, I don't have the power to make my life exciting. Nevertheless, things could be worse...a whole lot worse. For now I make due. I'm putting out apps for part time work. I'm eating at home (that includes everything in the freezer). And I limit extra travel. Somethings got to give sometime soon. Speeches from the Prez and other so called leaders won't cut it. Much like my house, the nation is falling apart. Hey, at least I have company (unwanted as it is).
I've got Enough Friends
A friend of mine from college used to often tell the story of how he and his wife came to be. He had met her while at a conference. Being so bold, he approached her and obtained her phone number. He says that when he called her he asked her out and she rejected him stating, "She just wanted to be friends."
The "Just friends" statement is a killer for any man seeking out a relationship with a woman. Most men can't overcome it. However, my friend did. It is held among those in my circle as one of the greatest comebacks in relationship history. My friend told his would-be bride, "I've got enough friends. I don't need another friend." That statement made all the difference.
You see, my friend was on a mission. He was man looking for love. Looking for a wife. If this woman only had intentions of being a "friend" then she was a waste of his time. He went to explain this to her. As legend had it, she was receptive and from there they began their love story. What might be most odd about this is that if you knew my friend he does not come across as a suave and deboner man with skills to woo the ladies. He's a normal guy. Normal looks. Normal body. Normal money.
As I am now a man back on the market I too am encountering women that say they only want to be friends. Lacking the backbone and somehow thinking I can win them over I settle for such friendships. Well, I've decided no more. Friendship with a woman that a man is interested in is a painfully frustrating experience. He tries to mask his feelings and play it cool but he can't. He becomes jealous and can't understand why he can make no headway.
I myself, am fead up with the frustration. Either you're in or you're out. Plain and simple. This is all part of going off the grid. Why waste time and effort with women that only want to be friends? Of what benefit is that to me. I've got plenty of male friends and a handful of female friends that I am satisfied with. I have little need for any more (female friends that is).
I'm not expecting to turn the tide as my friend did with his future bride. I am looking to focus my efforts and lessen my frustration by eliminating "friendly" distractions. This may seem strange to some but I think it's a neccessary move. I'll still have female friends. They'll just be friends from the start to finish, no romantic interest. Life will be easier that way.
The "Just friends" statement is a killer for any man seeking out a relationship with a woman. Most men can't overcome it. However, my friend did. It is held among those in my circle as one of the greatest comebacks in relationship history. My friend told his would-be bride, "I've got enough friends. I don't need another friend." That statement made all the difference.
You see, my friend was on a mission. He was man looking for love. Looking for a wife. If this woman only had intentions of being a "friend" then she was a waste of his time. He went to explain this to her. As legend had it, she was receptive and from there they began their love story. What might be most odd about this is that if you knew my friend he does not come across as a suave and deboner man with skills to woo the ladies. He's a normal guy. Normal looks. Normal body. Normal money.
As I am now a man back on the market I too am encountering women that say they only want to be friends. Lacking the backbone and somehow thinking I can win them over I settle for such friendships. Well, I've decided no more. Friendship with a woman that a man is interested in is a painfully frustrating experience. He tries to mask his feelings and play it cool but he can't. He becomes jealous and can't understand why he can make no headway.
I myself, am fead up with the frustration. Either you're in or you're out. Plain and simple. This is all part of going off the grid. Why waste time and effort with women that only want to be friends? Of what benefit is that to me. I've got plenty of male friends and a handful of female friends that I am satisfied with. I have little need for any more (female friends that is).
I'm not expecting to turn the tide as my friend did with his future bride. I am looking to focus my efforts and lessen my frustration by eliminating "friendly" distractions. This may seem strange to some but I think it's a neccessary move. I'll still have female friends. They'll just be friends from the start to finish, no romantic interest. Life will be easier that way.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Sometimes...
There are times in your life when your emotions do things your mind doesn't want it to do. It's a strange thing, but it's really common. It's actually rare that a persons Mind, Will, and Heart are in alignment as they should be. Often we know what we want to do, don't have the will to do it, and are indifferent either way. Or, we long for something and have the will but the mind just can't focus. We are in many ways a jumbled mess.
I find myself attracted to women I don't want to be attracted to. These are women I know are bad for my health. They've got track records that spell trouble. Yet, I get jealous for their attention. It's strange. I suppose you just can't control the actions of the heart. You can steer your will and make up your mind but the heart is doing to do what it is going to do.
That's not to say that your will or mind are any more reliable. They too, have been infected with the disease of sin and shortcoming. Hence, perception issues abound with bad decisions and motives. This would explain why men chase women they know are bad for them. Why women continue to be attracted to men that they know time and again have proven worthless. Why the good man and the good woman never seem to find each other. Again, we are an utter mess.
I don't like knowing that I have attraction to messed up people. I don't like that my heart doesn't follow my mind or my will. I hate pursuing lost causes. I hate being attracted to women that don't reciprocate. And, I hate that women that are interested don't hold my interest. I feel bad that I am doing to them what others do to me. Isn't that messed up?
Sometimes, I wish things would work out as planned. Sometimes, I wish you could just make up your mind, set your will, and follow your heart. Sometimes, I wish when you see a red flag you would lose interest immediately and drop that issue like a hot potatoe. Sometimes, I just wish good people would find good people and be happy together. Sometimes....Sometimes......
I find myself attracted to women I don't want to be attracted to. These are women I know are bad for my health. They've got track records that spell trouble. Yet, I get jealous for their attention. It's strange. I suppose you just can't control the actions of the heart. You can steer your will and make up your mind but the heart is doing to do what it is going to do.
That's not to say that your will or mind are any more reliable. They too, have been infected with the disease of sin and shortcoming. Hence, perception issues abound with bad decisions and motives. This would explain why men chase women they know are bad for them. Why women continue to be attracted to men that they know time and again have proven worthless. Why the good man and the good woman never seem to find each other. Again, we are an utter mess.
I don't like knowing that I have attraction to messed up people. I don't like that my heart doesn't follow my mind or my will. I hate pursuing lost causes. I hate being attracted to women that don't reciprocate. And, I hate that women that are interested don't hold my interest. I feel bad that I am doing to them what others do to me. Isn't that messed up?
Sometimes, I wish things would work out as planned. Sometimes, I wish you could just make up your mind, set your will, and follow your heart. Sometimes, I wish when you see a red flag you would lose interest immediately and drop that issue like a hot potatoe. Sometimes, I just wish good people would find good people and be happy together. Sometimes....Sometimes......
Lucky Red
I took my kids to the yearly carnival today. As usual there were rides, games, and food. Gotta love carnival food. We enjoyed burgers, dogs, chips, fries (A bucket of fries to be accurate), snow cones, and funnel cake. It's a nice way to start the summer off.
As uaual, my children were provided all day passes for the rides but wanted to play games. It would be the inverse if they had all game passes. While waiting for my children to get off of a ride I noticed a came behind me. Promoted as prizes were goldfish and rabbits.
I don't know what I was thinking but I thought how cool if the kids won a rabbit. So I bought a bucket of balls and let the kids go. Low and behold, my daughter put the ball on lucky red and the rabbit was ours. The women in the area were going crazy. They couldn't believe that this man would allow his children to bring home a pet from the carnival.
Side Note: One women was so ecstatic that she continued to say how "SWEET" I was. There it goes again, SWEET. I can't seem to escape that term. It's the type of thing that women love from afar but have little interest in up close and personal. If you've followed my blog you know how this frustrates me (See The Lolly Pop Kid).
Anyway, before I knew it we were at the pet store buying supplies for a rabbit and an aquarium for two new fish. By the time I got to the register I realized that I had made a mistake but it was too late to go back now. I've wanted the kids to have a pet of some kind for a while now so it works out. Plus, I wanted fish for myself. Who knew that I'd go to the carnival and come home a pet owner? Blame it on Lucky Red.
As uaual, my children were provided all day passes for the rides but wanted to play games. It would be the inverse if they had all game passes. While waiting for my children to get off of a ride I noticed a came behind me. Promoted as prizes were goldfish and rabbits.
I don't know what I was thinking but I thought how cool if the kids won a rabbit. So I bought a bucket of balls and let the kids go. Low and behold, my daughter put the ball on lucky red and the rabbit was ours. The women in the area were going crazy. They couldn't believe that this man would allow his children to bring home a pet from the carnival.
Side Note: One women was so ecstatic that she continued to say how "SWEET" I was. There it goes again, SWEET. I can't seem to escape that term. It's the type of thing that women love from afar but have little interest in up close and personal. If you've followed my blog you know how this frustrates me (See The Lolly Pop Kid).
Anyway, before I knew it we were at the pet store buying supplies for a rabbit and an aquarium for two new fish. By the time I got to the register I realized that I had made a mistake but it was too late to go back now. I've wanted the kids to have a pet of some kind for a while now so it works out. Plus, I wanted fish for myself. Who knew that I'd go to the carnival and come home a pet owner? Blame it on Lucky Red.
Turn Off's
While I was out and about today I had the pleasure of crossing paths with some vary attractive women. These women were of all different ethnicity's. They also varied in age. As I stood admiring one woman's beauty she did something that immediately turned off any desire I would've had for her. That got me to thinking about the things that turn me off. Here's my list:
Smoking has to be my number one turn off when it comes to women. I can never see myself dating a woman that smokes. It's a disgusting habit. It smells. It makes your teeth yellow and your breath will match. Not to mention the risk of cancer. It's just not sexy like it was way back in the day.
A sailors mouth is another issue I have trouble with in women. Truth is, I don't care for a ton of cussing in men. I can put of with moderate profanity. I just can't handle unnecessary foul mouthiness. For instance, a young woman made this comment today, "Hell Fucky Naw!" That's just ignorant and foolish. I don't have a stomach for that in women.
Sexual Self Report is a big issue. I'm talking about women that want to tell you how many partners they've had. They want to talk about who their best ever was (and it's not you). They want to give you the nitty gritty and play by play and expect you to sweep that under the rug. NEWS FLASH-Men don't do well with this type of information. We'd just assume you're a virgin and live on in fantasy land. I can handle the truth. I just don't need to know these details of past affairs.
Tattoos are a feminine killer for me. This is one thing I can overcome but prefer not to if I can avoid it. Don't get me wrong. Some women that have tattoos are incredibly sexy. Once in a blue moon I'll come across a woman that pulls it off. However, for me and my conservative values tattoos are a downer. A tiny petite tat isn't that bad. Tat's up and down the arms and all over are a major issue.
Drama is a deal breaker for me. I'm not talking about life issues and stressers. I'm talking about drama queens. Everybody, everywhere, and everything is a problem. There is always beef. Someones always hating. And, they're always in the middle of ending a friendship or restoring one. I'm a laid back drama free guy. It's not my cup of tea.
Lying. Honesty and loyalty have always been BIG on my list of values for friends and women in particular. If I see that a woman is lying about a number of issues that don't' concern me, it begins to concern me. I need to be able to trust the one I'm with in a very deep way. Can't have questions on honesty and maintain the trust.
Materialism is an attraction killer. If a man knows that you love him for him he will sacrifice all to give you the world. If a man suspects that you want what he can provide to you, not him as a person, he'll hold all he has. I'm that man. Nuff said...
That's all for now. Thanks for listening (reading)
Smoking has to be my number one turn off when it comes to women. I can never see myself dating a woman that smokes. It's a disgusting habit. It smells. It makes your teeth yellow and your breath will match. Not to mention the risk of cancer. It's just not sexy like it was way back in the day.
A sailors mouth is another issue I have trouble with in women. Truth is, I don't care for a ton of cussing in men. I can put of with moderate profanity. I just can't handle unnecessary foul mouthiness. For instance, a young woman made this comment today, "Hell Fucky Naw!" That's just ignorant and foolish. I don't have a stomach for that in women.
Sexual Self Report is a big issue. I'm talking about women that want to tell you how many partners they've had. They want to talk about who their best ever was (and it's not you). They want to give you the nitty gritty and play by play and expect you to sweep that under the rug. NEWS FLASH-Men don't do well with this type of information. We'd just assume you're a virgin and live on in fantasy land. I can handle the truth. I just don't need to know these details of past affairs.
Tattoos are a feminine killer for me. This is one thing I can overcome but prefer not to if I can avoid it. Don't get me wrong. Some women that have tattoos are incredibly sexy. Once in a blue moon I'll come across a woman that pulls it off. However, for me and my conservative values tattoos are a downer. A tiny petite tat isn't that bad. Tat's up and down the arms and all over are a major issue.
Drama is a deal breaker for me. I'm not talking about life issues and stressers. I'm talking about drama queens. Everybody, everywhere, and everything is a problem. There is always beef. Someones always hating. And, they're always in the middle of ending a friendship or restoring one. I'm a laid back drama free guy. It's not my cup of tea.
Lying. Honesty and loyalty have always been BIG on my list of values for friends and women in particular. If I see that a woman is lying about a number of issues that don't' concern me, it begins to concern me. I need to be able to trust the one I'm with in a very deep way. Can't have questions on honesty and maintain the trust.
Materialism is an attraction killer. If a man knows that you love him for him he will sacrifice all to give you the world. If a man suspects that you want what he can provide to you, not him as a person, he'll hold all he has. I'm that man. Nuff said...
That's all for now. Thanks for listening (reading)
Happy People
There are many people around me that are utterly unhappy with life. Many have legitimate issues of unhappiness. Some are ill. Some are poor. Some are lonely. Some are disgusted by their work. Some are heartbroken. And some...some just are. I'm not writing this to be critical of those folks. After all, it takes one to know one. I've had my bouts of unhappiness. I know the pain, the struggle, the frustration.
Yet, I'd like to think I've turned a corner with all that. Don't hear me wrong. I have down moments and even down days. That's normal for all people. What is not considered normal, yet it's common, is being down for long stretches at a time. This is called depression. It's tough to live in and with depression if it's unchecked. I speak from experience. It's a bitter existence of darkness. The good thing about depression is that it is highly treatable.
According to statistics Depression and Anxiety make up the largest grouping of mental health cases in our nation. It's at approximately 15%. I tend to believe it's higher than that. Since it is so prevalent there has been a lot of research put into salving this problem. You can approach it with psychotropic medications or with psychological treatment (Typically CBT-Cognitive Behavioral Treatment). Positive outcomes are in the 80 percentile range. Pretty good. I tend to hold that folks should go at it from both perspectives.
Some want a magic pill to make it all better. And, for some that happens. Others are opposed to medication and simply want therapy. That is also successful for some. Yet and still, some need both. Medication and treatment alone have their limits. Together, they're a powerful combination. I ask the question, "Why stay sad if you don't have to?"
I simply wouldn't. When I realized I was depressed I went right to the doctor and got meds. I also set up therapy sessions. I have no shame about my mental health and my needs. Opinions be damned, I needed help. Nothing was going to stop me. And nothing should stop you either. If you're one of the people struggling with this please, please, PLEASE! Do something about it.
It's a daunting task because of your mental health state. During a time of no motivation you need to be motivated to get the ball rolling and stick with it. It's tough, but no more tough than living in a depressed state forever. Some people have formed a damaging relationship with their pain. They say they want freedom but do nothing about it. Some folks like to complain. It has become something of a defining characteristic for them. This is a trap.
These folks fear what life will be like without their pain. They have come to live with the emotional pain for so long anything that threatens that existence is put to death almost immediately. This is frustrating for loved ones that care for the individual and want them free of depression. There are few things more painful than to see someone trapped in their own prison. No one, and I mean NO ONE can break them free apart from themselves. Don't be one of these people. Stop being one of these people.
The power is in your hands. Many of the depressed have perception issues. They don't see things as they are because they have blue colored shades on that make everything gloomy. It's time for a reality check. Stop hurting yourself. Stop hurting those around you. As it was said in Shawshank Redemption; "Either get to living or get to dying." I pray you get to living. Why not be Happy People?
5 AM
Over the past two weeks I've begun going to the gym at 5am. I thought this would be a gruelling and painful experience that would only happen once. I've found that it's not anything like that. I actually prefer the 5am workout to my afternoon workouts.
There's a certain peace that you experience at 5am in the morning. There's only a handful of folks at the gym during that time of the day. Everybody is about the business of working out. No chatter, no standing around and stairing at each other, no sitting on a machine I want to use forever, and no competition for equipment. Folks who workout at that time of day are about their business.
This group tends to be older than the afternoon folks. I kind of expected that, as I figured the most disciplined of people would be out at that time. The 5am workout lacks the scenic pleasures of "Fem-Bots" or the reminder of age found in "Thunder cats." I'm cool with that. It helps me to focus on the task at hand-Getting in Shape.
Another benefit of the 5am workout is that I forget I've gone. Shortly after arriving at work I find that I don't even remember going to the gym. That's a plus because it shows that I'm not killing my energy for the rest of the day. In fact, I'm more energized throughout the day. The 5am workout allows me to get in my workout and hang out with friends in the evening. It's a Win-Win.
Research shows that working out first thing in the morning is the most beneficial time to your body. I believe that's true because experts say so. I find it to be quite convenient. I suggest that if you're looking to get back in shape or if you already workout that you start going in the morning. Push yourself. It's worth it.
There's a certain peace that you experience at 5am in the morning. There's only a handful of folks at the gym during that time of the day. Everybody is about the business of working out. No chatter, no standing around and stairing at each other, no sitting on a machine I want to use forever, and no competition for equipment. Folks who workout at that time of day are about their business.
This group tends to be older than the afternoon folks. I kind of expected that, as I figured the most disciplined of people would be out at that time. The 5am workout lacks the scenic pleasures of "Fem-Bots" or the reminder of age found in "Thunder cats." I'm cool with that. It helps me to focus on the task at hand-Getting in Shape.
Another benefit of the 5am workout is that I forget I've gone. Shortly after arriving at work I find that I don't even remember going to the gym. That's a plus because it shows that I'm not killing my energy for the rest of the day. In fact, I'm more energized throughout the day. The 5am workout allows me to get in my workout and hang out with friends in the evening. It's a Win-Win.
Research shows that working out first thing in the morning is the most beneficial time to your body. I believe that's true because experts say so. I find it to be quite convenient. I suggest that if you're looking to get back in shape or if you already workout that you start going in the morning. Push yourself. It's worth it.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Off the Grid
I'm considering going off the grid as far as women are concerned. In recent weeks I've noticed a lop sided show of interest on my part in various women with little return. As a man, I believe it is my place to show initiative in interest in a woman (although I don't mind a woman showing interest). I'm cool with that. What I am not cool with, is a continued need to initiate all engagement.
Needless to say, this does little for the good ole self-esteem. It is a frustrating process to express your interest in others without reciprocity. I know that it's a fact of life that everyone you find attractive will not in turn find you attractive. But, this is getting ridiculous! What's even more funny is that when I stop initiating contact with these women they seem to respond in a more positive manner. I think that shows a desire for attention as oppose to a desire for me.
At this point in time I'm looking at going off the grid for women. That means that I won't be found initiating contact with those women I've already done so. Why satisfy their need for attention and have my own ego hurt? I see no need. This is how I functioned at this time nearly one year ago. I went to work, the gym, and home. I was satisfied with that existence to a degree. I was also more consistent in my exercise regimen. I think it's time to return to this way of life again.
Don't get me wrong. New women I meet that I take interest in will have my momentary attention. If they show little response, I move on. If they reciprocate, I shall continue on. Otherwise, I'm off the grid. Such an existence may offer little fodder for the blog. Who am I kidding? I will always have thoughts to write about. Anyway, see ya when I see ya, if I see ya.
Needless to say, this does little for the good ole self-esteem. It is a frustrating process to express your interest in others without reciprocity. I know that it's a fact of life that everyone you find attractive will not in turn find you attractive. But, this is getting ridiculous! What's even more funny is that when I stop initiating contact with these women they seem to respond in a more positive manner. I think that shows a desire for attention as oppose to a desire for me.
At this point in time I'm looking at going off the grid for women. That means that I won't be found initiating contact with those women I've already done so. Why satisfy their need for attention and have my own ego hurt? I see no need. This is how I functioned at this time nearly one year ago. I went to work, the gym, and home. I was satisfied with that existence to a degree. I was also more consistent in my exercise regimen. I think it's time to return to this way of life again.
Don't get me wrong. New women I meet that I take interest in will have my momentary attention. If they show little response, I move on. If they reciprocate, I shall continue on. Otherwise, I'm off the grid. Such an existence may offer little fodder for the blog. Who am I kidding? I will always have thoughts to write about. Anyway, see ya when I see ya, if I see ya.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Imperfectly Happy
For a long time now I've talked to people about what they are looking for in a mate. I recently joined an online dating site and as I puruse the profiles their I'm noticing a pattern and commone theme among single women. That theme is a strong statement and search for perfection. Many women make statements such as, "I've got my stuff together and want someone that does too," "I'm driven and ambitious and looking for same," or "I don't have time for games so please don't waste my time."
Such statements can be a deterent to well to do men. Again, I'm not perfect but I think I'm a good guy. I'm a home owner. I've got a job. I've got two degrees. I'm a man of moral character and values. I love my mom. I love and take care of my kids. I look out for others. And, I'm a man of faith.
On the down side, I've got debt from school, current credit problems, recently out of a long term relationship (recent as in year), and I'm a fat guy. Now, the thing about what I see in those profiles and what I get from my conversations is that these women suffer from some of the same if not more issues. Yet, they make incredibly strong statements about what they will and won't accept from day one. Again, little of this has to do with character but moreso with materials.
What if a man is not "driven?" What if he's perfectly happy with his life and simply wants to share his joy with a woman? What if the man isn't ambitious? What if he has no goals of conquest? What if he is driven and ambitious? Is the woman that says that's what she wants in a mate truly prepared for what a man that is driven will do to achieve his goals? What if the man is hard working and doing his best but life has just bitten him in the ass? Is that man worthy of the "together" woman?
I have to say again, some of these women that are advertising "togetherness" really aren't. I've known some of them well and there is a whole heap of mess behind that door. So why the advertisement for Superman when you're not Lois Lane? I think some of it is simply the pop culture of our day that is all about bling and gettin' yours. Some of it has to do with gold diggin' women disguising their shovels with the goal of seeking out that perfect guy. And then there's the woman that truly is driven, has it together, and is anal in such a way that she can't be with anyone unless they are a male version of herself.
I'm choosing a less perfect life with more happiness. I'm driven and ambitious and desireous for some of the better things in life. However, I know that the majority of Americans are middle class for a reason. There can only be a hanful of CEO's in the world. As the Bible says, "Time and Chance happen to us all." With that in mind I'm relaxing on the goal stuff and enjoying life. I'll still have my goals and go after them but they won't define me, make me, or break me. I think a lot of people would be happy if they enjoyed the person and not their resume. Why not be imperfectly happy?
Such statements can be a deterent to well to do men. Again, I'm not perfect but I think I'm a good guy. I'm a home owner. I've got a job. I've got two degrees. I'm a man of moral character and values. I love my mom. I love and take care of my kids. I look out for others. And, I'm a man of faith.
On the down side, I've got debt from school, current credit problems, recently out of a long term relationship (recent as in year), and I'm a fat guy. Now, the thing about what I see in those profiles and what I get from my conversations is that these women suffer from some of the same if not more issues. Yet, they make incredibly strong statements about what they will and won't accept from day one. Again, little of this has to do with character but moreso with materials.
What if a man is not "driven?" What if he's perfectly happy with his life and simply wants to share his joy with a woman? What if the man isn't ambitious? What if he has no goals of conquest? What if he is driven and ambitious? Is the woman that says that's what she wants in a mate truly prepared for what a man that is driven will do to achieve his goals? What if the man is hard working and doing his best but life has just bitten him in the ass? Is that man worthy of the "together" woman?
I have to say again, some of these women that are advertising "togetherness" really aren't. I've known some of them well and there is a whole heap of mess behind that door. So why the advertisement for Superman when you're not Lois Lane? I think some of it is simply the pop culture of our day that is all about bling and gettin' yours. Some of it has to do with gold diggin' women disguising their shovels with the goal of seeking out that perfect guy. And then there's the woman that truly is driven, has it together, and is anal in such a way that she can't be with anyone unless they are a male version of herself.
I'm choosing a less perfect life with more happiness. I'm driven and ambitious and desireous for some of the better things in life. However, I know that the majority of Americans are middle class for a reason. There can only be a hanful of CEO's in the world. As the Bible says, "Time and Chance happen to us all." With that in mind I'm relaxing on the goal stuff and enjoying life. I'll still have my goals and go after them but they won't define me, make me, or break me. I think a lot of people would be happy if they enjoyed the person and not their resume. Why not be imperfectly happy?
Packaging
The old adage is, "Don't judge a book by its cover." Like most pieces of wisdom this is widely known, largely repeated, and seldom put into practice. People judge "books," as it were, by their covers all the time. So few people take time to examine each other. Be it good or bad. Often times we make moves that have drastic consequences and examine the situation after the fact. However, our examination is of little use to us because we don't apply what we've learned from these experiences.
As a lover of books I can't lie. It is the cover that catches my attention. I decide what books to examine by the way the cover speaks to me. On many occasions I've picked up a book with hope of having found another gem only to find that it's not at all what I thought it would be. We do the same with people. Many times I find that we pick up people by their covers. Unfortunately, that's not all we tend to pick up.
I don't begrudge those that make first impressions or immediate judgements on what they see with the naked eye. We all do it. The general presentation of a person tells you quite a few things about an individual. Things such as body type, taste in clothes, possible interest, and even lifestyles to an extent. I have a problem because I am a victim of poor packaging. In many ways I don't have anyone to blame but myself. I've never been much of a fashion guy. I lack motivation for body sculpting apart from athletic goals (sports have long passed by me). To add to that, I just don't give a flying flip.
I'm a plane old guy. I like to be comfortable and I don't put a great deal of stock into my wardrobe. The only area I've ever been a fan of fashion is when it comes to suits. Unfortunately, my job does not call for such styles of dress and I don't have any outside interest that would make it appropriate either. Hence, I'm very simple in presentation. Most days I'm in jeans, a golf shirt, and tennis shoes (and I don't mean Jordan's or LBJ's).
Although I'm comfortable with myself I am starting to think that my presentation is a deterrent to romance. I hear it over and over again how I'm this great guy. Or, how I'd make a perfect husband. And of course, you're a real nice guy. Yet, you don't see women aggressively making moves to gain my attention or affection. I think I hold my own if I have time to unwrap myself without seeming more strange than I am by nature. Most opportunities don't offer such time. Much like the books I pick up to see if I'm interested, the packaging much be right.
Truth is, most folks won't buy a great product if it's in a bad package. We don't work that way. As I've said before, we are an image heavy society. A great deal of energy and resources are put into how we look. Little is put into what we are. I think as a person I'm pretty solid at my core. That's not to say I'm perfect. I mean I'm as messed up as anyone. But relatively speaking I'm pretty good. I'm honest, caring, kind, and considerate. However, those are products inside the box.
A recent picture of myself really showed me how fat I am. I did not like the presentation at all. For a woman to look past that she would have to be of exceptional character. Hence, I hit the gym this past week five days in a row. I even hit the gym twice at 5:30am. I didn't eat out all week. And I've only had one beer (empty calories). I hope to keep up this trend.
I do this under the belief that once the package has been properly prepared that woman I'm looking for will reveal herself. I must say this raises a question for me. Do I even want a woman that can see the quality that I bring to the table? Would their be anything their if I were to pursue a woman that was high on fashion not only for herself, but for her mate? Am I really a messed up individual and no matter what the package looks like there won't be any buyers? I don't have answers for these just questions.
Nevertheless, I'm on a quest to change the appearance. Worst case scenario, I lose weight, don't get the girl, but I'm still in great shape. I'd be satisfied with that. Not completely, but satisfied nonetheless. I will let you know if my prospects improve as my packaging improves. This is merely a hypothesis. I'd like to be able to beat folks at the game. In this case I'm going to join them.
White Flag
There's a great song by the group, Far East Movement, called White Flag. It's a pretty good dance/party song. The beat is banging, the chorus is catchy. Overall, the lyrics are quite simple. Yet, a deeper look will reveal a very profound happening in relationships. The song is a story of love and surrender.
In this day and age the word "surrender" is equal to a four letter word. Maybe, even worse. We are a "can do" society that frowns on words such as "surrender." "submission," and "obedience." Ours is a nation born in rebellion and proud of it. This individualized promotion of self has carried through in a strong way from generation to generation. It has gone so far as to disconnect child from family as a show of one's independence. People spend their early years trying not to be like their family only to find that they're exactly like their family.
As the women's movement continues to press upward and onward such concepts as surrender in any sense may be cause for treason and banishment from the ranks of womanhood. Obviously, this is a hard place for many women to go in a relationship. The fear of being controlled, manipulated, or degraded gives women pause in terms of submission to their male counterparts. This is not without good reason. Men have done some dastardly deeds and taken advantage of women that have sought to submit all. That's not true of all men, but enough to be an issue.
At the same time, men are by no means docile creatures ready to lay it all down for love (Nor should they be). Yet, that is what makes the love of a man so great and so special. Men by nature have a desire for variety in sexual partners. Even the most righteous of men can not deny the recognition of an attractive beautiful woman. This is true even if he wants to. Men are visual creatures. Shape, movement, skin, all gain his attention without thought. It is a daunting task for a man to fight his natural desires (Though not impossible).
So, having said all that I want to say this; SURRENDER IS NEEDED FOR SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS! This is true on the side of both parties. There are both practical and romantic purposes behind this. I'll start with the mushy romantic stuff. If a person waves their white flag in surrender of their heart to another that is something truly special. They have been won over, captured, compelled, to give themselves to another. This is the stuff of movies and fairy tales. Every woman longs to be captured by her prince charming. Every man once to find a woman worthy of his life. Oh, that love would be this way for all times.
Most people like that side of surrender. It's romantic, easy, and almost without thought. The more practical, difficult, and necessary part of surrender is not always pleasant and requires purposeful focus. To surrender one to another is to give your heart to that person and to entrust them. It means that you will have to give up some of the hopes and dreams that you want for the needs of the other and the betterment of the relationship as a whole. For men, this may mean less time with the fellas. For women, this could mean pulling back on those shopping sprees. This could mean the giving and relenting of sex on both sides. Loving, sharing, sacrifice is needed.
I know of a man that has asked his fiance to remove male friends from her contact list. This might seem to some as overreaching and insecure. Yet, the man is asking her to do this as an act of love. In his words, "This is what I need." A woman that loves this man and has decided to surrender herself to him will do so gladly. A woman that has not surrendered may hesitate or outright reject the request. A man may be asked to adjust his work habits. I can speak from experience to this. There was a noticeable difference in the amount of time I put in at work pre-marriage, post-marriage, and post-children. It was a sacrifice. A sacrifice in money and goals.
There are many more things that one will have to give up or delay in a loving relationship. If you're not ready to wave your white flag and surrender then I would submit that you are not ready for a committed relationship. You're still caught up in self and meeting your own needs. If you recognize this as a reality of love and are willing to do so with joy, I say go forth and find love. I hope you find one worthy of your white flag.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
LIVING A BETTER STORY
I recently finished reading a book by author Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It's a great read. It's comical, reflective, challenging, and spiritual. Miller is a masterful writer. The theme of the book is about story and how it applies to life. Story in this case is in the context of movies or script writing. The question is asked, "what makes a great movie?" The answer is a great story. This is the journey the book takes you on as you learn both about story/movies and life.
The challenge is issued to live a better story. Such things as risk, goals, life threatening activity, and substance make all the difference in a good story. I've dreamt of living a fascinating and meaningful life since I was a child. I have always wanted to make a difference in the world and leave a legacy. Living a better life continues to be one of my goals. I think that's why this book resonated so deeply in my soul. It was speaking my heart back to me through the pages of another.
The past three weeks or so have proven to be a great beginning to living a better life. I have been a part of American history. I've touched an World Wide Icon, live and in the flesh. I had two of the most power packed days in my entire life. To do this I had to overcome a major fear. One that has caused panic attacks. I was able to do so with minor discomfort. Living a better life requires that we overcome our fears, help others, and do something that matters.
I'm hopeful that this isn't the last of my adventures. I can't guarantee that I can top or even match my most recent experience. I can make a concerted effort to pursue things that matter. Things that matter to me, my friends, my family, and the human race in general. In this story, I will take risk, chase women, have my heart broken, obtain the prize of love, create memories, and help others. I'm not certain where my script will take me at this moment. I'm still working on that. I do know that planning and production are underway.
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