I work with kids that have extreme value and boundary problems. These are kids that believe that Axe really works (that women will fight for them if they wear it). I mean this one. I have been asked on more than one occasion if the commercials are true. These kids believe that what happens in porno's can really happen in real life (the no dialogue, no relationship orgies that break out at the bus stop). These are kids that believe that they are "owed" sex after spending so much money on a woman or taking her out so many times. I'd like to laugh this one off, but I can't.
It appears that this thinking error that a woman's treasure can be purchased and is a silent contract is thought to be true by men and women alike. I've had more than a few confirm this. I personally think it's ridiculous. If you agree to go on a date you only have the obligation to show up. And, even then if things look shady you can deny based on your own free will. There is no dollar amount or date count that entitles a man to the goodies.
If there is a number that works like the combination to the love cabin who sets that standard? Is it the individual woman, the man, some cosmic force that makes the rules for dating? One man might think the trip to the dollar show and McDonald's plus gas money has reached the ceiling for getting his. On the other hand, maybe a trip to Ruth's Chris' is all it takes. Perhaps, it's about the Gucci, Prada, and Coach....who's to say?
Look, all I'm saying is that if you don't want to sleep with a person you shouldn't feel pressure because they have shown some form of chivalry. At the same time you shouldn't use men for free meals, gifts, rent, or gas money. That type of thing is equally appalling. Be honest with yourself, be honest with others, and cut it off before you feel pressure if you can see things are going where you want them to go. The Pressure is off.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
What's the Process?
I have come in contact with quite a few women lately that are either pregnant by or slept with a man that they can't stand. They act as though they never had an interest in the man. Many of them can't say one good word about these men. Being a man, I was dumbfounded by these women's situations. This lead me to ask the question; What's the process?
I'm wondering what is the process a woman goes through to decide if she is going to sleep with a man? Some have suggested that women are just like men and that lust and availability are all that's needed. I might be from the old school on this one, but I always believed that men and women were different when it came to this type of thing. Am I wrong? Am I giving women too much credit by thinking that they are more sophisticated when it comes to this type of thing?
In all sincerity, if you have an opinion or thought on this subject please respond. Do so anonymously if you must. I really want to know what the deal is. I know men will do it just for the sake of physical pleasure with little consideration for the woman, the impact this act might have, or even the level of attraction. Can women really be exactly the same? I got questions, I hope you have answers.
I'm wondering what is the process a woman goes through to decide if she is going to sleep with a man? Some have suggested that women are just like men and that lust and availability are all that's needed. I might be from the old school on this one, but I always believed that men and women were different when it came to this type of thing. Am I wrong? Am I giving women too much credit by thinking that they are more sophisticated when it comes to this type of thing?
In all sincerity, if you have an opinion or thought on this subject please respond. Do so anonymously if you must. I really want to know what the deal is. I know men will do it just for the sake of physical pleasure with little consideration for the woman, the impact this act might have, or even the level of attraction. Can women really be exactly the same? I got questions, I hope you have answers.
Undefined
Lately, I have come in contact with a lot of women that are in relationships that are undefined. These women have all complained about the lack of definition their relationships have had. These women want to be recognized as the official woman of their man (if you can even lay claim to that). They want a logo on the relationship that this woman can not be touched without the express written consent of the nigga she calls her boo.
A label on a relationship gives it boundaries. It gives it rights and responsibilities. In a way, it's a verbal contract that is binding. Violations of said contract are a practical means for ending the agreement. You can see why women would like to have their relationship defined. It is a form of security.
On the other hand, you can see that the undefined relationship offers many benefits to the man. On one hand he can say with a clear conscience at any time to any woman that he is not in a serious relationship. He can mess around with any woman he wants to and doesn't have to explain a thing to the woman that wants more. He's essentially free. He's got the cow, the milk, and the rest of the herd if he so desires. It's a buffet of freak nasty pantie droppers.
If he were to submit to the demands of the woman for a labled relationship he would be tying himself down. This would be a mistake. If he puts boundaries on the relationship by stating that he's committed, in an exclusive relationship, or whatever you want to call it, he will have to negotiate the terms of this agreement. This could prove deadly to his sex game.
Not only would a labeled relationship cause him to be accountable to the woman, it would now shut off all other reasonable avenues of feeding that monster known as his sex drive. It could even slow down the action he has going on with the woman he's with. For some reason women seem more than willing to go the extra mile when they are trying to catch a man. Once they think they have him they suddenly go cold. This drives a man crazy. Not only will he feel forced into a committed relationship he will be pissed that he ain't gettin' none.
I personally think that women are dick whipped when it comes to this type of thing. Most of the time they are already sexually involved. So not only is their heart involved but so are their spirits and bodies. I tend to believe that if sex wasn't involved they would kick a guy to the curb if he wasn't on the same track they were. It's just my opinion on the subject but I think it's true.
So, in the end I think that people should clearly set the boundaries before they engage on that physical level. If you go physical before the table is set you will have already set the boundaries...that would be none. For the man, setting the boundaries might hurt his business. Most women don't like hearing that a man just wants to hit. But, he can at least have a clear conscience. Of course, you could just keep on with the game of undefined.
A label on a relationship gives it boundaries. It gives it rights and responsibilities. In a way, it's a verbal contract that is binding. Violations of said contract are a practical means for ending the agreement. You can see why women would like to have their relationship defined. It is a form of security.
On the other hand, you can see that the undefined relationship offers many benefits to the man. On one hand he can say with a clear conscience at any time to any woman that he is not in a serious relationship. He can mess around with any woman he wants to and doesn't have to explain a thing to the woman that wants more. He's essentially free. He's got the cow, the milk, and the rest of the herd if he so desires. It's a buffet of freak nasty pantie droppers.
If he were to submit to the demands of the woman for a labled relationship he would be tying himself down. This would be a mistake. If he puts boundaries on the relationship by stating that he's committed, in an exclusive relationship, or whatever you want to call it, he will have to negotiate the terms of this agreement. This could prove deadly to his sex game.
Not only would a labeled relationship cause him to be accountable to the woman, it would now shut off all other reasonable avenues of feeding that monster known as his sex drive. It could even slow down the action he has going on with the woman he's with. For some reason women seem more than willing to go the extra mile when they are trying to catch a man. Once they think they have him they suddenly go cold. This drives a man crazy. Not only will he feel forced into a committed relationship he will be pissed that he ain't gettin' none.
I personally think that women are dick whipped when it comes to this type of thing. Most of the time they are already sexually involved. So not only is their heart involved but so are their spirits and bodies. I tend to believe that if sex wasn't involved they would kick a guy to the curb if he wasn't on the same track they were. It's just my opinion on the subject but I think it's true.
So, in the end I think that people should clearly set the boundaries before they engage on that physical level. If you go physical before the table is set you will have already set the boundaries...that would be none. For the man, setting the boundaries might hurt his business. Most women don't like hearing that a man just wants to hit. But, he can at least have a clear conscience. Of course, you could just keep on with the game of undefined.
The Challenge
One of the funniest and most obvious ways people ease their way into a sexual relationship is "The Challenge." It is used by young (teenagers) and old (any age above 30) alike. It is a rather elementary move that can easily be played off as a joke if things go south or pushed forward if things are looking up. What is "The Challenge" you ask? Well, let me tell you.
The Challenge is when one party or another boast about there ability to put it down in the bedroom. This is where men proclaim themselves as cocksmiths. Ya know, "I'll put you in a wheel chair" type stuff. This is where men talk about the two feet of cable they keep on hand for making sure that "connection" is just right. This is, "I get more butt than an ashtray" "I seen more ass than a toilet seat."
On the woman's side. This is where you have claims of turning innocent men into stalkers. This is the "I'll bring you your knees begging for mercy." This is where women brag about all the freaky stuff they've done, do, or want to do. Truth be told, it won't take all that for men. A simple go will suffice for most.
The crazy thing about this is how effective the technique is. It seems to pique the interest of many, both men and women. Folks wander could this one be the real deal. More often than not they find that the expectations were set to high and the product was significantly overpriced.
This really isn't a problem for men because either way it goes, good or bad, they got some ass. That was priority number one. A woman could say a nigga was weak, had a small dick, was a minute man.....whatever. In the end he still got you and that can't ever be taken away. If the tables are turned and the woman ended up sucking (and I don't mean this in a good way) he still got one off with someone else. Again, mission accomplished.
Women tend to be more disappointed. I have talked to quite a few women that engaged a man physically for the soul purpose of curiosity concerning the man's ability to lay the pipe. Sadly, all too often I've heard reports of extreme disappointment. This never seems to work out for the woman. She could spread the tale of this man's woeful performance and it won't damage the man a bit. It might even improve his ability to attract more victims.
I remember being in college. There was a guy that had a rep for being the campus stud. Word was nobody had smashed on more women than he did. At the same time he had the rep of being a minute man with no finesse. This didn't seem to damper his ability to bed women at all. It was funny. It was like women had to see for themselves. The same is true of a man with a rep for delivery. Either way, it seems to work out for the man.
The challenge is a smooth or not so smooth (obvious) way of breaking the ice of cutting to the chase. People use this instead of saying flat out, "Do you want to fuck?" That would be crude and turn people off. Hence, we play the game of "normal" joking conversation all the while hoping it's the opening to a meeting in the bedroom. As Usher said in the Trey Songz hit, Invented Sex, "I'm just playing unless you gonna do it."
The Challenge is when one party or another boast about there ability to put it down in the bedroom. This is where men proclaim themselves as cocksmiths. Ya know, "I'll put you in a wheel chair" type stuff. This is where men talk about the two feet of cable they keep on hand for making sure that "connection" is just right. This is, "I get more butt than an ashtray" "I seen more ass than a toilet seat."
On the woman's side. This is where you have claims of turning innocent men into stalkers. This is the "I'll bring you your knees begging for mercy." This is where women brag about all the freaky stuff they've done, do, or want to do. Truth be told, it won't take all that for men. A simple go will suffice for most.
The crazy thing about this is how effective the technique is. It seems to pique the interest of many, both men and women. Folks wander could this one be the real deal. More often than not they find that the expectations were set to high and the product was significantly overpriced.
This really isn't a problem for men because either way it goes, good or bad, they got some ass. That was priority number one. A woman could say a nigga was weak, had a small dick, was a minute man.....whatever. In the end he still got you and that can't ever be taken away. If the tables are turned and the woman ended up sucking (and I don't mean this in a good way) he still got one off with someone else. Again, mission accomplished.
Women tend to be more disappointed. I have talked to quite a few women that engaged a man physically for the soul purpose of curiosity concerning the man's ability to lay the pipe. Sadly, all too often I've heard reports of extreme disappointment. This never seems to work out for the woman. She could spread the tale of this man's woeful performance and it won't damage the man a bit. It might even improve his ability to attract more victims.
I remember being in college. There was a guy that had a rep for being the campus stud. Word was nobody had smashed on more women than he did. At the same time he had the rep of being a minute man with no finesse. This didn't seem to damper his ability to bed women at all. It was funny. It was like women had to see for themselves. The same is true of a man with a rep for delivery. Either way, it seems to work out for the man.
The challenge is a smooth or not so smooth (obvious) way of breaking the ice of cutting to the chase. People use this instead of saying flat out, "Do you want to fuck?" That would be crude and turn people off. Hence, we play the game of "normal" joking conversation all the while hoping it's the opening to a meeting in the bedroom. As Usher said in the Trey Songz hit, Invented Sex, "I'm just playing unless you gonna do it."
Monday, August 23, 2010
Great Days
Today was a truly Great Day! I was in Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and back again. I spent the day reconnecting with my cousin. It was all love and all good. I had a meal in the Burgh that was Thanksgiving like complete with all the fixins'. There was turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, green beans, and pound cake....LOVE. I was able to see my family; Mom, Grandma, Aunt, Uncle, Step-Dad, Sisters, Cousins, Nephew, Niece....
It's days like this that remind you of the important things in life. It's about family, connection, fellowship...essentially it's about relationships. Connecting with the people you love is truly powerful. It's that feeling of acceptance, understanding, and support that means so much. You can't find that everywhere so value those times when you do.
Life isn't perfect but it can be enjoyable. Don't spend all your time looking at what you don't have. Step back from the grind and the pursuit of happiness and take in what you have right in front of you. Recognize those folks that let you be you and take care to enjoy them. Have a great day!
It's days like this that remind you of the important things in life. It's about family, connection, fellowship...essentially it's about relationships. Connecting with the people you love is truly powerful. It's that feeling of acceptance, understanding, and support that means so much. You can't find that everywhere so value those times when you do.
Life isn't perfect but it can be enjoyable. Don't spend all your time looking at what you don't have. Step back from the grind and the pursuit of happiness and take in what you have right in front of you. Recognize those folks that let you be you and take care to enjoy them. Have a great day!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Consequences
Part of being a good guy is taking into account what impact your decisions will have on another person. A good guy wants to do the most good while causing the least amount of harm. Consequently, they end up trying to look 3, 4, and more moves down the road on Life's Chess Game. This can be difficult on the nice guys progression.
The nice guy will consider what fulfilling his sexual desires means for his partner (s). This includes the emotional impact, the impact on a person's future relationships, etc... The nice guy wants what he wants without consequence. But, there is no decision that can be made without consequence. It is the law of living.
So, this puts the nice guy in a tough spot. He can either forfeit his desires, wants, and needs for the better good of others and be thoroughly frustrated. Or, he can go for his and let the chips fall where they may. It's a tough decision. The nice guy has to decide what he can live with- frustration, guilt, or a callus heart.
The truth is, people are responsible for the decisions that they make. Although a good guy may not want to cause pain to others, he has to come to a place where he recognizes that the people he is dealing with are adults and have decisions of their own to make. This is the reality of life. Each of us is responsible for what we do and don't do.
As a man I need to put all the cards on the table and make my plans clear. In turn, the other party needs to take responsibility for their response. Whatever the decision there will be consequences. Some consequences are good and some not so much. Nevertheless, a decision must be made. And with those decisions there will be consequences.
The nice guy will consider what fulfilling his sexual desires means for his partner (s). This includes the emotional impact, the impact on a person's future relationships, etc... The nice guy wants what he wants without consequence. But, there is no decision that can be made without consequence. It is the law of living.
So, this puts the nice guy in a tough spot. He can either forfeit his desires, wants, and needs for the better good of others and be thoroughly frustrated. Or, he can go for his and let the chips fall where they may. It's a tough decision. The nice guy has to decide what he can live with- frustration, guilt, or a callus heart.
The truth is, people are responsible for the decisions that they make. Although a good guy may not want to cause pain to others, he has to come to a place where he recognizes that the people he is dealing with are adults and have decisions of their own to make. This is the reality of life. Each of us is responsible for what we do and don't do.
As a man I need to put all the cards on the table and make my plans clear. In turn, the other party needs to take responsibility for their response. Whatever the decision there will be consequences. Some consequences are good and some not so much. Nevertheless, a decision must be made. And with those decisions there will be consequences.
WANT SOME, GET SOME
When Snoop Dogg first came on the scene there were high expectations that he would transform rap. He was held as King almost from the jump. His raw hardcore style was on display in Deep Cover and later on The Chronic album. We thought Snoop was going to forever change the landscape of rap. He never lived up to all the hype (it was near impossible), but he has had a good run as an artist overall.
One of Snoops songs, Gz and Hustlas, featured the statement "if you want some, get some, bad enough, take some..." This has been a line that has always stuck with me. It is a statement of truth, simple and yet profound.
When I look out on the world and examine those that have been successful in life they have been "want some, get some" people. What I mean by that is that these folks identify their goals and go for it. They don't waiver, they don't switch, they don't shrink back. These folks put their head down and run full speed ahead to obtain the goal they are seeking out.
The casm between wanting something and getting something is a mile wide and a mile deep. I know lot's of folks that want something (self included) but don't show any real intent on pursuing it. These folks are dreamers, wishers...and most of the time complainers. They complain because they believe the reason they have not gotten some is because they have been dealt a bad hand and are unlucky. They may not be complainers. They may be shy, fearful people that just don't know where to put the first brick en route to building that dream.
On the other hand you have those people that pursue what they want in such a way it causes some to question their grip on reality. These folks believe, strive, scratch and claw for what they want. They go against all odds. These people often prove the naysayers wrong by achieving the impossible and getting what they want.
I have a friend that fits this category (actually I have a few). He had a goal to obtain a six figure salary by age 30. His plan was to obtain this goal via pharmaceutical sales. He struggled for years to get an interview in the field of pharmacy, much less get a job. There were folks that expressed their opinion that he didn't fit the mold. They said he didn't have what it took. He was close to giving up on his goal. It was at that moment of desperation that he grasped the dream he was after for so long. He had put his head down and charged forward. He had myopic vision and it paid off.
Whether it is a career, a relationship, sex, money, education, family, character....whatever, you have to move from wanting some to getting some. I'm in the process of moving in that direction at this time. Talk is cheap. Dreams alone will leave you poor and frustrated. Take action. Like snoop said, "want some, get some, bad enough...take some!"
OFFICE LOVE
Office love is a topic that has been on my mind for a long time. Everywhere I've worked my co-workers have been involved with each other during off hours in some way or form. When I was at the Turnpike there was one woman in particular that had a serious rep. She even admitted her promiscuity to me while working together one day. Her declaration went something like this, "...I promised God I wasn't gonna mess with married men no more!" It was like word vomit as we weren't on the subject of relationships or God at the time..
The stories at Walgreens were absolutely ridiculous. There was the married man with four kids that was doing his assistant manager. There was a pharmacy manager that decided to show his package to his staff while drinking at a bar. There was the cosmatic lady that propositioned a newly turned 18 year old with a naked picture of her husband (SWINGERS). She had hoped to entice the young girl with her husband's Italian (read Hanible/Black) dick.
Don't let me forget the manager that was doing his photo tech on top of the freezer in the stock room during "breaks." There was also a manager that decided to trade meerchandise for sex with two different women. And, there were any number of hook ups before, during, and after my tenure there that I won't speak on right now.
My current place of employment is among the worst I've seen. As one co-worker put it, "This place is one big orgy!" It's crazy. Everybody is sleeping with everybody. Married, single, engaged, dating, whatever.....They're gettin' it in. It's so bad that people just assume that you're hitting it if you go to lunch with someone.
Don't get me wrong. There are some legitimate relationships that are formed in the work place and blossom into something beautiful. These are common. Walgreens used to put out a yearly feature on the subject. Unfortunately, I can't say that's the case on a large scale now. People are down for whatever these days. A friend of mine, who works in sales, said that their annual conferences are just one big orgy. He stated that within minutes of arriving at the hotel folks are at it like rabbits, marriage be damned.
When I think on office love I lean on the edge of it being a bad idea. There are so many things that can go terribly wrong. There is the possibility of a bad break up. Never good for the office atmosphere. There is the possiblity of unplanned pregnancy. Always a good look for the unmarried woman. There is the chance of hit it, quit it, and pass it around. I know, you may not believe this happens but it does. As Nate Dogg said, "It ain't no fun if the homies can't have none." There is just the ongoing drama that relationships can bring amplified by the fact that you don't even get a break while at work. It can be crazy.
On the other hand, the workplace is where people spend most of their time. It is natural that love interest would develop and grow. It could be all good. There could be a long lasting relationship. There could even be marriage. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't find many of the women I've worked with attractive and even interesting on an intellectual, emotional, and spiritual level. It could work. In the end all I'm saying is be careful. It's a war zone out there. Office Love has a lot of upside and downside. Let me know what you think.
The stories at Walgreens were absolutely ridiculous. There was the married man with four kids that was doing his assistant manager. There was a pharmacy manager that decided to show his package to his staff while drinking at a bar. There was the cosmatic lady that propositioned a newly turned 18 year old with a naked picture of her husband (SWINGERS). She had hoped to entice the young girl with her husband's Italian (read Hanible/Black) dick.
Don't let me forget the manager that was doing his photo tech on top of the freezer in the stock room during "breaks." There was also a manager that decided to trade meerchandise for sex with two different women. And, there were any number of hook ups before, during, and after my tenure there that I won't speak on right now.
My current place of employment is among the worst I've seen. As one co-worker put it, "This place is one big orgy!" It's crazy. Everybody is sleeping with everybody. Married, single, engaged, dating, whatever.....They're gettin' it in. It's so bad that people just assume that you're hitting it if you go to lunch with someone.
Don't get me wrong. There are some legitimate relationships that are formed in the work place and blossom into something beautiful. These are common. Walgreens used to put out a yearly feature on the subject. Unfortunately, I can't say that's the case on a large scale now. People are down for whatever these days. A friend of mine, who works in sales, said that their annual conferences are just one big orgy. He stated that within minutes of arriving at the hotel folks are at it like rabbits, marriage be damned.
When I think on office love I lean on the edge of it being a bad idea. There are so many things that can go terribly wrong. There is the possibility of a bad break up. Never good for the office atmosphere. There is the possiblity of unplanned pregnancy. Always a good look for the unmarried woman. There is the chance of hit it, quit it, and pass it around. I know, you may not believe this happens but it does. As Nate Dogg said, "It ain't no fun if the homies can't have none." There is just the ongoing drama that relationships can bring amplified by the fact that you don't even get a break while at work. It can be crazy.
On the other hand, the workplace is where people spend most of their time. It is natural that love interest would develop and grow. It could be all good. There could be a long lasting relationship. There could even be marriage. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't find many of the women I've worked with attractive and even interesting on an intellectual, emotional, and spiritual level. It could work. In the end all I'm saying is be careful. It's a war zone out there. Office Love has a lot of upside and downside. Let me know what you think.
HERO
My son and daughter love music. They like the beats, they listen to the lyrics, they sing the songs, and they want them played over and over again. They're just like they're Dad. In order to keep kid approved clean music playing on the radio while in the car I have put together a clean playlist for the kids.
One of the songs on the playlist is Toni Braxton's "Hero" from her latest album "Pulse" (I believe pulse is her best album ever). The song, "Hero," is about Toni's heart being rescued from heartbreak and dispair. My son loves this song and often request by saying, "I want to hear the song where they say "You came through the door, busted through the floor!" That is my son's favorite part of the song. This is where the HERO breaks into the scene to save the day and the heart of the woman he loves.
I don't think it's any surprise that my son loves this song and the part where the hero saves the day. I think men are hard wired for a desire to be heros. We want to be strong, courageous, daring....we want to save the day. Even more, we want the respect that comes with doing so. I have long thought of being the hero since I was a kid and my son is doing the same even now. He even goes so far as putting on his Superman, Batman, and Spiderman costumes and wears them around all day. He even asked if he could wear it outside. I had to decline to avoid being emberrassed.
As a man, I want to be a hero to a woman's heart. I want to "come through the door, bust through the floor" and save the damsel in distress. If I could choose a superpower it would be two prong. The first would be time travel and the second would be to have the ability to be geni like-granting wishes and all.
The first power of time travel would be necessary so I could move in and out of time as needed to rescue women before their hearts are broken. I have spoken with countless women whose hearts have been broken. The pain of a broken heart has resulted in women becoming cold, callus, and using men for all they can get. Or, it has resulted in the women being so messed up emotionally and psychologically that she destroys even the best of relationships. Time travel would allow me to swoop in pre-broken heart and show the woman tender love...no games.
The second power of wish granting power would be needed so I could fullfill the dreams and desires of the women materially. This is not to feed the gold digging ways that jilted women have developed, but to be that night in shining armor that not only connects emotionally but provides as well. I would be the man!!! Of course, I think I'm already the man in many ways...later for that.
I think this is the way of the warrior man. He desires to protect, rescue, provide, fullfill, and bless in everyway possible. He wants to be a HERO. I hope my son grows to be this man. I hope I am able to be a hero to some woman's heart again one day.
One of the songs on the playlist is Toni Braxton's "Hero" from her latest album "Pulse" (I believe pulse is her best album ever). The song, "Hero," is about Toni's heart being rescued from heartbreak and dispair. My son loves this song and often request by saying, "I want to hear the song where they say "You came through the door, busted through the floor!" That is my son's favorite part of the song. This is where the HERO breaks into the scene to save the day and the heart of the woman he loves.
I don't think it's any surprise that my son loves this song and the part where the hero saves the day. I think men are hard wired for a desire to be heros. We want to be strong, courageous, daring....we want to save the day. Even more, we want the respect that comes with doing so. I have long thought of being the hero since I was a kid and my son is doing the same even now. He even goes so far as putting on his Superman, Batman, and Spiderman costumes and wears them around all day. He even asked if he could wear it outside. I had to decline to avoid being emberrassed.
As a man, I want to be a hero to a woman's heart. I want to "come through the door, bust through the floor" and save the damsel in distress. If I could choose a superpower it would be two prong. The first would be time travel and the second would be to have the ability to be geni like-granting wishes and all.
The first power of time travel would be necessary so I could move in and out of time as needed to rescue women before their hearts are broken. I have spoken with countless women whose hearts have been broken. The pain of a broken heart has resulted in women becoming cold, callus, and using men for all they can get. Or, it has resulted in the women being so messed up emotionally and psychologically that she destroys even the best of relationships. Time travel would allow me to swoop in pre-broken heart and show the woman tender love...no games.
The second power of wish granting power would be needed so I could fullfill the dreams and desires of the women materially. This is not to feed the gold digging ways that jilted women have developed, but to be that night in shining armor that not only connects emotionally but provides as well. I would be the man!!! Of course, I think I'm already the man in many ways...later for that.
I think this is the way of the warrior man. He desires to protect, rescue, provide, fullfill, and bless in everyway possible. He wants to be a HERO. I hope my son grows to be this man. I hope I am able to be a hero to some woman's heart again one day.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Kobe V. LeBron
If you are a basketball fan at all then you know that the ongoing debate is who is the best player in the game? The conversation quickly moves from the pool of NBA players down to just two, Kobe and LeBron.
The argument goes something like this. Kobe has rings, LeBron ain't got jack. LeBron is the best in raw skill and ability. He has game that one can only be born with. This argument goes back and forth, back and forth, and then finally the clincher is dropped and it's game over.
You would think that the rings would be the closing argument on whose best, but it's not. It's how Kobe got the rings that makes all the difference. You see, Kobe is known as being a close. He's a killer. He has no problem putting the nails in the cofin. When the game is on the line or there's a chance blow out the other team Kobe is the man you want on the court. Kobe has that killer instinct. He's cold as ice. This makes all the difference.
Sure, Lebron has size, speed, quickness, and spectacular moves. But, he is no killer. He is exciting. He is entertaining...but he's not a closer. The game is the same in dating. You have Kobe's and LeBron's. Kobe is the guy that's a star. People know that he's not a nice guy. He's been brought up on charges, cheated on his wife, and dogged his teamates...but damn if you don't want him.
Lebron is the nice guy (well he was until that move to Miami). He's the guy that people want to win but just can't. He's the guy that you pull for. The home town favorite. He's got the skills, the right answers, and a certain appeal that you wouldn't mind your son picking up on. But, much like the nice guy LeBron ain't getting the prize. He can't close. He likes the guy on the other team. They're friends.
Ya see, the Kobe's of the dating game don't like the women they lay down. They have no consideration for their feelings. No consideration for their emotional well being. No concern that they may leave a trail of tragic destruction behind in their wake. This is what allows him to win the gold. This is what allows him to take the good girl and turn her out. This is why they finish first and nice guys finish last.
For the life of me I want to be Kobe. I want to be a callous killer...getting it in and on to the next one. The truth is though, I'm LeBron. I care about the repercutions of my actions and the effects they have on others. I'm a top performer. I got skills. But, I'm LeBron (the nice guy) when I want to be Kobe.
The argument goes something like this. Kobe has rings, LeBron ain't got jack. LeBron is the best in raw skill and ability. He has game that one can only be born with. This argument goes back and forth, back and forth, and then finally the clincher is dropped and it's game over.
You would think that the rings would be the closing argument on whose best, but it's not. It's how Kobe got the rings that makes all the difference. You see, Kobe is known as being a close. He's a killer. He has no problem putting the nails in the cofin. When the game is on the line or there's a chance blow out the other team Kobe is the man you want on the court. Kobe has that killer instinct. He's cold as ice. This makes all the difference.
Sure, Lebron has size, speed, quickness, and spectacular moves. But, he is no killer. He is exciting. He is entertaining...but he's not a closer. The game is the same in dating. You have Kobe's and LeBron's. Kobe is the guy that's a star. People know that he's not a nice guy. He's been brought up on charges, cheated on his wife, and dogged his teamates...but damn if you don't want him.
Lebron is the nice guy (well he was until that move to Miami). He's the guy that people want to win but just can't. He's the guy that you pull for. The home town favorite. He's got the skills, the right answers, and a certain appeal that you wouldn't mind your son picking up on. But, much like the nice guy LeBron ain't getting the prize. He can't close. He likes the guy on the other team. They're friends.
Ya see, the Kobe's of the dating game don't like the women they lay down. They have no consideration for their feelings. No consideration for their emotional well being. No concern that they may leave a trail of tragic destruction behind in their wake. This is what allows him to win the gold. This is what allows him to take the good girl and turn her out. This is why they finish first and nice guys finish last.
For the life of me I want to be Kobe. I want to be a callous killer...getting it in and on to the next one. The truth is though, I'm LeBron. I care about the repercutions of my actions and the effects they have on others. I'm a top performer. I got skills. But, I'm LeBron (the nice guy) when I want to be Kobe.
I Need Love
I was sitting in my office today and suddenly the song "I need Love" by LL Cool J popped in my head. When all this started I thought I would never love again. I couldn't trust my heart. Hell, I couldn't trust women. Right now I'm not much better on the trust issue. I am moving back to my normal self.
I can't deny love. As much as I want to I just can't do it. I want to be hard, callous, indifferent...but that's not me. I'm a romantic. I love love. I want to love again and to be loved.
Side note: It's exactly this type of mushy gushy shit that makes a man soft. This is what is killing the nice guy. He wants love. He wants passion. He wants to have babies with the woman he's married to and to take care of them. This is some real bitch-made type shit. And, this is exactly why nice guys (soft niggas) don't succeed in the game. Bitch ass niggas.
We now return to our scheduled post.
I'm not saying that I'm ready to jump into a serious relationship. I know I'm not. That might be a move that has more catastrophic results than the first. What I am saying is that I'm open to love. There are many broken hearts in the world. Many that have been made skeptics. Many that have become hard...hopeless. That won't be me if I can help it.
It is said that Love always hopes. Well, here's to love. I'm going to hold out on hope and look forward to the day when I can love again. Until then, I'm living life and letting things come to me. One day at a time.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
The Problem with the Nice Guy's WorldView
As a certified nice guy I have spent a lot of time reflecting on what causes the nice guy so many problems. Is it morals or lack there of? Is it media and what is promoted as the "man?" Is it that people are really jacked up and don't have any interest in a secure relationship? I have come to a place where I think the problem might be the nice guy all by himself.
Nice guys tend to be romantic idealist. These are guys that look forward to the wife, 2.5 kids, the dog, and the 3 bed 2 bath house with 2 car garage. These are men that are chasing the American Dream. And as we all know, sometimes dreams just don't come true.
The problem with the nice guy is that he lives in a dream land that does not exist. His worldview is picture perfect. He expects for fine young women to be attracted to his polite treatment of women, his stability as a man, and his faithful heart. In a perfect world this would be the case. The best men would get the best women. A good man would be rewarded for his efforts to stay the course of righteousness. But, that is a fairytale.
The truth is people are messed up. As a believe in God I hold to the fact that all people are sinful (prone to do wrong) and therefore operate in such a manner. People are attracted to bad things; drugs, alcohol, illicit sex, lying, materialism, and on and on... It is the nature of things. Consequently, women and men are pulled towards relationships that aren't the greatest for any number of reasons. We have a desire for relationships of the highest quality and settle for what ever is available at the time.
Hence, good guys need to accept that games, jilted lovers, and being played is all part of the sad reality of life. Why continue to bang your head off the wall? The good guy can either continue to fight to change a system that is to ingrained in the people. Or, they can choose to learn the rules of the game and get busy playing.
If good guys choose not to make changes and adjust to the game they will forever be stuck complaining about the results. If they choose to get in the game they will need to be cautious because the waters can be deadly. But, risk will need to be taken. Pain is unavoidable. There might as well be a little pleasure mixed in.
Nice guys tend to be romantic idealist. These are guys that look forward to the wife, 2.5 kids, the dog, and the 3 bed 2 bath house with 2 car garage. These are men that are chasing the American Dream. And as we all know, sometimes dreams just don't come true.
The problem with the nice guy is that he lives in a dream land that does not exist. His worldview is picture perfect. He expects for fine young women to be attracted to his polite treatment of women, his stability as a man, and his faithful heart. In a perfect world this would be the case. The best men would get the best women. A good man would be rewarded for his efforts to stay the course of righteousness. But, that is a fairytale.
The truth is people are messed up. As a believe in God I hold to the fact that all people are sinful (prone to do wrong) and therefore operate in such a manner. People are attracted to bad things; drugs, alcohol, illicit sex, lying, materialism, and on and on... It is the nature of things. Consequently, women and men are pulled towards relationships that aren't the greatest for any number of reasons. We have a desire for relationships of the highest quality and settle for what ever is available at the time.
Hence, good guys need to accept that games, jilted lovers, and being played is all part of the sad reality of life. Why continue to bang your head off the wall? The good guy can either continue to fight to change a system that is to ingrained in the people. Or, they can choose to learn the rules of the game and get busy playing.
If good guys choose not to make changes and adjust to the game they will forever be stuck complaining about the results. If they choose to get in the game they will need to be cautious because the waters can be deadly. But, risk will need to be taken. Pain is unavoidable. There might as well be a little pleasure mixed in.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Pissed
I wish I could stop thinking about it but I can't. I am tired of women complaining about men and their lack of committment, drive, faithfulness, etc...ect... Today, I have come to the firm conclusion that women are either stupid, crazy, or naive.
You may think it's a bit harsh, and it might be, but I'm pissed. I say that women are stupid because they constantly talk about how they want a good man. As they bemoan the lack of good men they spend all their time chasing the bad ones. This is akin to me saying I'm a Browns fan while purchasing nothing but Steelers gear and then complaining about the colors.
I think women know full well what they are getting themselves into when they pursue a relationship and they use the "I got played" excuse as a scapegoat for bad decisions. After all, they wouldn't want to tell people that they did what they did for fun. That might be a bit too honest and leave the woman with the stereo type of being a hoe (A stereo type I don't neccessarily agree with. Women should be free to experience their sexuality just like men.)
If women aren't stupid then they must be crazy. I say crazy because they go after men that have proven track records of doing women dirty with the belief that they have the golden sunshine putty that will forever change this man's ways. This notion is crazy. Certainly, there are women that know how to put it on a man in a serious way. However, I think all too often women overestimate the power of the treasure box. You have to think, this guy is getting it on the regular. You have to bring the thunder if you are truly going to blow his mind. All too often it's just dark clouds and no rain.
Finally, if women aren't the previous two then they must be naive. Only naivety can afford women the ability to make poor decision after poor decision in men and then repeat the process all over again. I just can't believe this one. Maybe the first couple of times but not long term. Women are by far more skilled at the game than men. They are playing with a stacked deck and typically brotha's think it's a fair game. Women give themselves over to this foolishness.
There is one other option, maybe two. The first is that women are a combination of three. They are crazy, naive, and stupid. This is not a stretch at all. I know, highly offensive, but not a stretch. The other option is that women are caught up in the game just like everyone else. They have sought to find true love only to have their heart broken time and time again. In reaction to the pain they have claimed never again. Now they go for self and try to take all they can get. This too, pisses me off. I hate to see good women turned bad by some punk ass nigga. Ah well, such is life.
You may think it's a bit harsh, and it might be, but I'm pissed. I say that women are stupid because they constantly talk about how they want a good man. As they bemoan the lack of good men they spend all their time chasing the bad ones. This is akin to me saying I'm a Browns fan while purchasing nothing but Steelers gear and then complaining about the colors.
I think women know full well what they are getting themselves into when they pursue a relationship and they use the "I got played" excuse as a scapegoat for bad decisions. After all, they wouldn't want to tell people that they did what they did for fun. That might be a bit too honest and leave the woman with the stereo type of being a hoe (A stereo type I don't neccessarily agree with. Women should be free to experience their sexuality just like men.)
If women aren't stupid then they must be crazy. I say crazy because they go after men that have proven track records of doing women dirty with the belief that they have the golden sunshine putty that will forever change this man's ways. This notion is crazy. Certainly, there are women that know how to put it on a man in a serious way. However, I think all too often women overestimate the power of the treasure box. You have to think, this guy is getting it on the regular. You have to bring the thunder if you are truly going to blow his mind. All too often it's just dark clouds and no rain.
Finally, if women aren't the previous two then they must be naive. Only naivety can afford women the ability to make poor decision after poor decision in men and then repeat the process all over again. I just can't believe this one. Maybe the first couple of times but not long term. Women are by far more skilled at the game than men. They are playing with a stacked deck and typically brotha's think it's a fair game. Women give themselves over to this foolishness.
There is one other option, maybe two. The first is that women are a combination of three. They are crazy, naive, and stupid. This is not a stretch at all. I know, highly offensive, but not a stretch. The other option is that women are caught up in the game just like everyone else. They have sought to find true love only to have their heart broken time and time again. In reaction to the pain they have claimed never again. Now they go for self and try to take all they can get. This too, pisses me off. I hate to see good women turned bad by some punk ass nigga. Ah well, such is life.
Monday, August 16, 2010
What the Hell?
I am currently reading Never Satisfied by Michael Baisden. The book is an inside look at how and why men cheat. I just finished reading the chapter on Creating Monster's. This particular chapter is about good guys gone bad. As I read I was painfully reminded of myself or of my friends.
There was the nigga that got used at the club for free drinks. There was the nigga that thought he found gold only to find the woman had been used and pawned more times than he could count. And then there was the nigga that wasn't gettin' no love while his girl was giving it up to everybody else. This shit is maddening.
I have a friend that dated a woman for six months without once hittin' it. He bought her gifts, spent time with her, took her out, all types of chivalry and shit. Yet, no love. My friend was talking about how much he loved her and that he thought she might be the "one." He was planning on proposing sometime in the future. As is the case with most nice guys he was in for the surprise of his life.
Although my friend didn't get a sniff of the sweet potato pie, guess what? She was pregnant. I'm not talking a couple weeks,or even months.....I'm talking about 6-7 months pregnant. You might wonder why we didn't know? All I can say is that the girl was bad. She was fine as hell and her figure, though enlarged, was still looking tight. Needless to say, my friend was broken hearted. How could this have happened?
My friend went into a "fuck y'all" type of mentality. He was little interested in finding the next possible life partner. Instead, he was interested in getting his and not much beyond that. Could you blame him? I mean that is some scandalous shit. He did what he wanted too for a while. Eventually, he returned to his nice guy self. It seems to have paid off as he seems to have finally found himself a winner. Such is not the case for most men.
I remember a young man that I attended church with. This young man was madly in love with his high school sweetheart. He was a year ahead of her and graduated before she did. They went to the prom together. Got a hotel. Spent the night together but nothing went down. This young man had dated this girl for about 3 years and the prom was suppose to be the big payoff. Well, it wasn't. Not for him at least. Instead, about a year later she had dumped him and moved on to an even older nigga that apparently was skilled at the game. This nigga took her to the prom and had knocked the bloom off the flower before that special day had even come. It took him maybe a few weeks to accomplish what the good guy couldn't do in 3years.
Here is where it gets all crazy. The good guy was furious. He had been burned and was ready for payback. And, payback did he get. He went on a rampage, pillaging woman after woman. He had at least four children by four different women with claims of more to come. He was a monster with little to no discrimination in taste when it came to women. He had vowed that never again would he be the nice guy sucker. It was time for him to get his.
I had thoughts like this when this all went down. I had close friends that told me I should fuck everything in sight. I had friends that told me I would feel that I had regained my manhood if I just went bananas. I was thinking they were right. Women were going to pay for the wrongs done against me. I was hardening my heart so I could do what needed to be done. But, I just couldn't stay the course. As hurt as I was, I couldn't hurt others in the name of revenge. That ain't my style.
Despite my jelly like spine for taking advantage of women, I am still left wondering why women treat nice guys like this? Why would a woman give her prize possession away to a man that only wants her for the moment and is not intent in doing anything beyond a few booty calls? On the flip side, why would a woman use a good man up and destroy such a precious commodity? I don't have the answers so if you do I'm listening.
Shit like this never seems to fail. Games are played, people are hurt, and in the end the cycle continues with vicious force. This type of thing is in books, movies, TV shows, and everyday life. All I can say is, WHAT THE HELL?
There was the nigga that got used at the club for free drinks. There was the nigga that thought he found gold only to find the woman had been used and pawned more times than he could count. And then there was the nigga that wasn't gettin' no love while his girl was giving it up to everybody else. This shit is maddening.
I have a friend that dated a woman for six months without once hittin' it. He bought her gifts, spent time with her, took her out, all types of chivalry and shit. Yet, no love. My friend was talking about how much he loved her and that he thought she might be the "one." He was planning on proposing sometime in the future. As is the case with most nice guys he was in for the surprise of his life.
Although my friend didn't get a sniff of the sweet potato pie, guess what? She was pregnant. I'm not talking a couple weeks,or even months.....I'm talking about 6-7 months pregnant. You might wonder why we didn't know? All I can say is that the girl was bad. She was fine as hell and her figure, though enlarged, was still looking tight. Needless to say, my friend was broken hearted. How could this have happened?
My friend went into a "fuck y'all" type of mentality. He was little interested in finding the next possible life partner. Instead, he was interested in getting his and not much beyond that. Could you blame him? I mean that is some scandalous shit. He did what he wanted too for a while. Eventually, he returned to his nice guy self. It seems to have paid off as he seems to have finally found himself a winner. Such is not the case for most men.
I remember a young man that I attended church with. This young man was madly in love with his high school sweetheart. He was a year ahead of her and graduated before she did. They went to the prom together. Got a hotel. Spent the night together but nothing went down. This young man had dated this girl for about 3 years and the prom was suppose to be the big payoff. Well, it wasn't. Not for him at least. Instead, about a year later she had dumped him and moved on to an even older nigga that apparently was skilled at the game. This nigga took her to the prom and had knocked the bloom off the flower before that special day had even come. It took him maybe a few weeks to accomplish what the good guy couldn't do in 3years.
Here is where it gets all crazy. The good guy was furious. He had been burned and was ready for payback. And, payback did he get. He went on a rampage, pillaging woman after woman. He had at least four children by four different women with claims of more to come. He was a monster with little to no discrimination in taste when it came to women. He had vowed that never again would he be the nice guy sucker. It was time for him to get his.
I had thoughts like this when this all went down. I had close friends that told me I should fuck everything in sight. I had friends that told me I would feel that I had regained my manhood if I just went bananas. I was thinking they were right. Women were going to pay for the wrongs done against me. I was hardening my heart so I could do what needed to be done. But, I just couldn't stay the course. As hurt as I was, I couldn't hurt others in the name of revenge. That ain't my style.
Despite my jelly like spine for taking advantage of women, I am still left wondering why women treat nice guys like this? Why would a woman give her prize possession away to a man that only wants her for the moment and is not intent in doing anything beyond a few booty calls? On the flip side, why would a woman use a good man up and destroy such a precious commodity? I don't have the answers so if you do I'm listening.
Shit like this never seems to fail. Games are played, people are hurt, and in the end the cycle continues with vicious force. This type of thing is in books, movies, TV shows, and everyday life. All I can say is, WHAT THE HELL?
Do Women Really Prefer Drama?
It has been my life's lesson that men that treat women like shit or less than they should always seem to get the girl. The nice guy, the serious guy, the I really want to love you guy, always seem to get played. I have theorized that the previously mentioned "guys" are boring and therefore don't get any play.
I think women enjoy the unwinnable challenge of taming the wild man. In their heart of hearts, women really think they can put it on a brotha so hard that he will have no other choice but to turn in his playa card, purchase the ring, settle down, and take care of his kids (trust me he's already got kids). This is sad because I have never seen it go this way.
I have seen women chase men around, fight and argue, have their kids, pay their bills, cry their eyes out, and once in a while get that ring they were chasing. Unfortunately, the marriage is a sham. The man doesn't change, the woman's heart is no safer, and eventually a divorce is on the horizon. I have seen nightmares such as STD's, phone calls from the other women (if you can ever define who that actually is), illegitimate children, and much much more. It's crazy. What's more crazy is that women act like they are surprised by the man's actions.
I have family that has gone through this type of thing. They have a man that has made it painfully clear that there will be no commitment. Women texting, calling, seen out on the town with, and even found in the bed. Yet, there is still a struggle to turn this good for nothing nigga around. Meanwhile, nice guy can get in line and take it cause he just doesn't add that entertainment value women are looking for.
I mean, what would women talk about if they couldn't discuss the drama their man brings to their life. If they had a good man that left nothing to be questioned they would be outcast at the women gatherings. At worst they would have to say they don't have those problems and become the envy of the group. Or, they would have to lie to fit in. Either way, they're ass out on fitting in.
I suppose an argument could be made that good guys are lame, have no game, and don't know how to put it down. I suppose that's possible. However, some good guys are nice looking people with good jobs and one hell of an exercise regiment. I think it's the drama free lifestyle they bring that makes them less appealing. In the end, Women just prefer drama.
I think women enjoy the unwinnable challenge of taming the wild man. In their heart of hearts, women really think they can put it on a brotha so hard that he will have no other choice but to turn in his playa card, purchase the ring, settle down, and take care of his kids (trust me he's already got kids). This is sad because I have never seen it go this way.
I have seen women chase men around, fight and argue, have their kids, pay their bills, cry their eyes out, and once in a while get that ring they were chasing. Unfortunately, the marriage is a sham. The man doesn't change, the woman's heart is no safer, and eventually a divorce is on the horizon. I have seen nightmares such as STD's, phone calls from the other women (if you can ever define who that actually is), illegitimate children, and much much more. It's crazy. What's more crazy is that women act like they are surprised by the man's actions.
I have family that has gone through this type of thing. They have a man that has made it painfully clear that there will be no commitment. Women texting, calling, seen out on the town with, and even found in the bed. Yet, there is still a struggle to turn this good for nothing nigga around. Meanwhile, nice guy can get in line and take it cause he just doesn't add that entertainment value women are looking for.
I mean, what would women talk about if they couldn't discuss the drama their man brings to their life. If they had a good man that left nothing to be questioned they would be outcast at the women gatherings. At worst they would have to say they don't have those problems and become the envy of the group. Or, they would have to lie to fit in. Either way, they're ass out on fitting in.
I suppose an argument could be made that good guys are lame, have no game, and don't know how to put it down. I suppose that's possible. However, some good guys are nice looking people with good jobs and one hell of an exercise regiment. I think it's the drama free lifestyle they bring that makes them less appealing. In the end, Women just prefer drama.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Chocolate Love
As a young man I was crazy in love with light skinned/caramel colored sistas. From time to time the occasional white girl would turn my head as well. Coming up in the hood it wasn't a good thing to be dark skinned. We had niggas like Al B. Sure, El Debarge, and LL Cool J to look up to. Women went crazy for these niggas. Of course there was the occasional midnight black brotha that got some play (say Big Daddy Kane or Kwame) but that was far and few between. The fine sista's of the day were light skinned like Pebbles, Vanity, and En Vogue. All of them were fair in complexion.
As such, it was rare that a dark chocolate sister caught my eye. I had figured that when I got older I would find that perfect caramel sister. She would be short, thick, with smooth skin and style. I used to dream about her all the time. Consequently, I held women to this mental image. My dream woman didn't hold me back from loving the darker berries, but they weren't my focus.
As I progressed through high school I came in contact with some fine ass dark skinned sisters. And, as fine as they were they just weren't my forte. When I got to college I came across even finer sista's, close to the motherland. And still I did not pursue them. Well, that has all changed.
Lately, I've been going bananas for the Dark Chocolate Sista's. I love the skin tone. I love the smooth dark complexion. It's down right sexy and appealing. I have a new found appreciation for the sweet CHOCOLATE skin tone of my native land sistas. Damn, they fine.
I'm not taking anyone off the table. But, I have sharpened my view on the sweat berry sistas. I'm going to live life and let things come as they may. If she's White, Latin, Black, or Asian I'll be thankful. However, a brotha wouldn't mind some DARK CHOCOLATE LOVE.
As such, it was rare that a dark chocolate sister caught my eye. I had figured that when I got older I would find that perfect caramel sister. She would be short, thick, with smooth skin and style. I used to dream about her all the time. Consequently, I held women to this mental image. My dream woman didn't hold me back from loving the darker berries, but they weren't my focus.
As I progressed through high school I came in contact with some fine ass dark skinned sisters. And, as fine as they were they just weren't my forte. When I got to college I came across even finer sista's, close to the motherland. And still I did not pursue them. Well, that has all changed.
Lately, I've been going bananas for the Dark Chocolate Sista's. I love the skin tone. I love the smooth dark complexion. It's down right sexy and appealing. I have a new found appreciation for the sweet CHOCOLATE skin tone of my native land sistas. Damn, they fine.
I'm not taking anyone off the table. But, I have sharpened my view on the sweat berry sistas. I'm going to live life and let things come as they may. If she's White, Latin, Black, or Asian I'll be thankful. However, a brotha wouldn't mind some DARK CHOCOLATE LOVE.
The Message of Hip Hop and How it's Helping Me
In my formative years I was a real big hip hop head. I loved the beats, the flow, the rivalries, the poetic skill that was passed through the mic to the people. My boys and I would sit for hours on end just listening to the bass boom through the 15" speakers.
We would bump Tupac, Biggie, the Wu Tang Clan, MC Eight, DJ Quick, Spice 1, Nas, AZ, Snoop, Dre, NWA, Cube, Bone Thugs, 8 Ball and MJG, UGK, Digital Underground, and on and on. I was caught up in it all. We used to mix tapes, make beats, and even write rhymes. We were in the hood and they were telling our stories.
I stopped listening to Hip Hop post salvation. I had come to the point in my spiritual walk where I was convicted by the foul lyrics, sexualized content, and violence. It was killing my mood and feeding the "flesh" as it is referred to. In light of my new found faith I sold all my music. Nothing of a secular nature would be left. It was of great benefit to me at that time. Now things have changed.
When my heart was broken by my wife I just couldn't listen to inspiring Gospel messages. It only made me more mad. Mad at God, mad at my wife, and mad at myself for being foolish. I felt weak. I couldn't see my way out. Please keep in mind that I am not knocking Gospel music or it's power. It just wasn't speaking to me at the time. So, mad as hell and looking for an outlet I turned back to my hip hop roots.
I started off with Jay-Z, Young Jeezy, Kanye, and Red and Meth. I would later add Weezy, Drake, and Fabo to my collection. The raw gritty nature of the music was right where I was at. They spoke of struggle and triumph, overcoming impossible odds, the need to believe in self, and at times having a fuck the world mentality so you can handle your business. I felt that message. I fed off of it.
I looked at my own situation. I was heartbroke. Jay's "Make this Song Cry" spoke to that. I was feeling down about myself. Kanye's "Touch the Sky" addressed that. Ye' spoke about how he questioned his own skill, "...these niggas that much better than me?" I had lost half my household income and didn't know if I was going to be able to keep my home. The message of the struggle and doing what's necessary fueled me to push ahead.
It is the struggle and the triumph of men that is the core message of Hip Hop. Listen closely and you will hear the full story. You will hear the broken homes, poor living conditions, and crime ridden neighborhoods. But, listen closer still and you will hear the triumph of the human spirit as they "go against all odds" and end up on top. If you listen you will see the progression of the artist. You will see the maturity as they come to a place where they know what matters in life and how to fight for it. The plight of the human condition is all there...one track after another.
With that being said, Hip Hop is my power source for pressing on right now. When I'm tired it pushes me on. When I'm down it pumps me up. When I want to get lose and let off some steam it gives me an outlet. I don't agree with all of the messages of Hip Hop, but there is value in the Message. You just have to listen.
We would bump Tupac, Biggie, the Wu Tang Clan, MC Eight, DJ Quick, Spice 1, Nas, AZ, Snoop, Dre, NWA, Cube, Bone Thugs, 8 Ball and MJG, UGK, Digital Underground, and on and on. I was caught up in it all. We used to mix tapes, make beats, and even write rhymes. We were in the hood and they were telling our stories.
I stopped listening to Hip Hop post salvation. I had come to the point in my spiritual walk where I was convicted by the foul lyrics, sexualized content, and violence. It was killing my mood and feeding the "flesh" as it is referred to. In light of my new found faith I sold all my music. Nothing of a secular nature would be left. It was of great benefit to me at that time. Now things have changed.
When my heart was broken by my wife I just couldn't listen to inspiring Gospel messages. It only made me more mad. Mad at God, mad at my wife, and mad at myself for being foolish. I felt weak. I couldn't see my way out. Please keep in mind that I am not knocking Gospel music or it's power. It just wasn't speaking to me at the time. So, mad as hell and looking for an outlet I turned back to my hip hop roots.
I started off with Jay-Z, Young Jeezy, Kanye, and Red and Meth. I would later add Weezy, Drake, and Fabo to my collection. The raw gritty nature of the music was right where I was at. They spoke of struggle and triumph, overcoming impossible odds, the need to believe in self, and at times having a fuck the world mentality so you can handle your business. I felt that message. I fed off of it.
I looked at my own situation. I was heartbroke. Jay's "Make this Song Cry" spoke to that. I was feeling down about myself. Kanye's "Touch the Sky" addressed that. Ye' spoke about how he questioned his own skill, "...these niggas that much better than me?" I had lost half my household income and didn't know if I was going to be able to keep my home. The message of the struggle and doing what's necessary fueled me to push ahead.
It is the struggle and the triumph of men that is the core message of Hip Hop. Listen closely and you will hear the full story. You will hear the broken homes, poor living conditions, and crime ridden neighborhoods. But, listen closer still and you will hear the triumph of the human spirit as they "go against all odds" and end up on top. If you listen you will see the progression of the artist. You will see the maturity as they come to a place where they know what matters in life and how to fight for it. The plight of the human condition is all there...one track after another.
With that being said, Hip Hop is my power source for pressing on right now. When I'm tired it pushes me on. When I'm down it pumps me up. When I want to get lose and let off some steam it gives me an outlet. I don't agree with all of the messages of Hip Hop, but there is value in the Message. You just have to listen.
Damn that Love thing
Lately, I have been watching and listening to love themed movies and music. It's hard not to. There are a ton of movies about relationships. Very popular stuff. People love love stories.
As such, it has fueled my core desire for love. I'm in love with love. I love the emotion, the passion, the desire, the longing....all of it. I've been trying to shake this desire for love. It's hard to love with your heart in pieces and in a lot of ways you feel that you just can't trust it.
Yet, I don't just want to have sex. I don't just want to have a good time. I want to love. I want to be passionately involved with someone. Someone I adore, respect, am a attracted too, and would be willing to lay my life down for. Someone that feels the same about me. I want to be the first and only choice. Not the back up plan.
I know I'm not anywhere close to being ready for a new relationship. I think it will be years before I can truly enter into anything of that nature. Yet, sex all by itself would seem so empty. So, until I figure things out I'm going to let life take me where it will. Damn that love thing!!!!
As such, it has fueled my core desire for love. I'm in love with love. I love the emotion, the passion, the desire, the longing....all of it. I've been trying to shake this desire for love. It's hard to love with your heart in pieces and in a lot of ways you feel that you just can't trust it.
Yet, I don't just want to have sex. I don't just want to have a good time. I want to love. I want to be passionately involved with someone. Someone I adore, respect, am a attracted too, and would be willing to lay my life down for. Someone that feels the same about me. I want to be the first and only choice. Not the back up plan.
I know I'm not anywhere close to being ready for a new relationship. I think it will be years before I can truly enter into anything of that nature. Yet, sex all by itself would seem so empty. So, until I figure things out I'm going to let life take me where it will. Damn that love thing!!!!
A Bad Day
Today has been a rough one. The whole day wasn't rough. Just the end. Out of no where, I was hit with a strong urge to merge. Funny, I was cold chillin' and bam! there it was an uncontrollable urge for some lovin'. This was trouble. I had the jitters like I was going through withdrawal or something. At this point I'm six months into the drought. No love, no fooling around, not even a sniff. I'm struggling.
Many have recommended a rendezvous with a trustworthy friend that understands the situation and is cool. I'm not from around here and my entire time in this area has been spent as a faithful married man. Plus, I was a committed boyfriend for 3 years prior. That's a long time to go without making "friends" or sharpening your skills. Hence, I don't have a well to run to that can satisfy my desires.
Like most cravings, wait long enough and things will change. This one is tough to shake though. After ten years of access granted it's tough to stop cold turkey. Damn, I'm hurtin'! Ah well. Nobody likes a man that's thirsty. It wreaks of desperation and disgust most women (Which is funny because the results are the same but they prefer to feel tricked into it, rather than having made a fully informed decision....women!). So, I will play it cool and wait for my change to come. I hope there aren't too many more bad days ahead. I hate the frustration of it all.
Many have recommended a rendezvous with a trustworthy friend that understands the situation and is cool. I'm not from around here and my entire time in this area has been spent as a faithful married man. Plus, I was a committed boyfriend for 3 years prior. That's a long time to go without making "friends" or sharpening your skills. Hence, I don't have a well to run to that can satisfy my desires.
Like most cravings, wait long enough and things will change. This one is tough to shake though. After ten years of access granted it's tough to stop cold turkey. Damn, I'm hurtin'! Ah well. Nobody likes a man that's thirsty. It wreaks of desperation and disgust most women (Which is funny because the results are the same but they prefer to feel tricked into it, rather than having made a fully informed decision....women!). So, I will play it cool and wait for my change to come. I hope there aren't too many more bad days ahead. I hate the frustration of it all.
Monday, August 9, 2010
The Nice Guy Strikes Again....Back to the Future
I was having a conversation with an old friend from the neighborhood. We also happened to have gone to prom together. My friend is quite attractive and many a nigga wondered how I ever got to take her to the prom. I wondered the same myself at the time. And, even more surprising is that she asked me.
At the time I was feeling very lucky. I had a crush on this girl since we were in kindergarten. I was so pumped. Well, prom night came. We were all decked out. I took her to dinner at an upscale seafood restaurant called Tambalini's because of her dietary restrictions as a Muslim. Things were off to a good start.
Prom time came and to my surprise I was greeted with lots of fan fare. Many were worried I wasn't coming at all. I wasn't much of a dancer so I mingled with the folks. Meanwhile, my date went from table to table speaking to everyone she knew. I was surprised because we didn't go to the same school. Anyway, after the initial festivities we made our way to the after prom. I was looking fly in an outfit my older sister had styled for me and feeling good about things.
This is where things took a turn for the worse. My date was suddenly ignoring me big time. We happen to be seated with one of my friends that happened to be a middle school love interest of my date. She went on and on about their relationship, first kisses and all. Keep in mind, this man had brought his current girlfriend. On top of that she was being a major bitch (her words not mine). One of my female friends wanted to kick her ass for ruining my night.
It got so bad I finally decided to take her home before she caught an ass whoopin'. I was pissed. My night sucked, I was embarrassed, and the girl I had a crush on basically showed me that she had no interest. Story of my life...right.
Prior to these happenings I had dedicated a song to her on the radio. I know, a bit corny. But, I'm a romantic...I can't help it. She told me that she was so embarrassed at the time. Now she says it was sweet and that I'm special because to date no other man has ever dedicated a song to her. I might be special...but I was nice and as such I got taken.
Well, here we are all these years later and she finally apologized for her behavior. She said that she was in love with some idiot (her words again) and that is why she treated me like shit at the prom. This same idiot would become her baby daddy and they haven't had much going on since. Needless to say, this guy was an ass hole. He took her heart, used her body, and then showed his true colors.
I was the nice guy again. Sure, I'm respectable, polite, caring, considerate, and more....but I come up empty handed with bad memories. To make matters worse, there were six other women that asked me to the prom. I'm not saying that it would have been the night of my life but it would have been better than it was. Nevertheless, the bad guy wins, the nice guy loses, and the chick doesn't figure it all out until it's too late. Damn...when will the madness end? The nice guy strikes again!!!!
At the time I was feeling very lucky. I had a crush on this girl since we were in kindergarten. I was so pumped. Well, prom night came. We were all decked out. I took her to dinner at an upscale seafood restaurant called Tambalini's because of her dietary restrictions as a Muslim. Things were off to a good start.
Prom time came and to my surprise I was greeted with lots of fan fare. Many were worried I wasn't coming at all. I wasn't much of a dancer so I mingled with the folks. Meanwhile, my date went from table to table speaking to everyone she knew. I was surprised because we didn't go to the same school. Anyway, after the initial festivities we made our way to the after prom. I was looking fly in an outfit my older sister had styled for me and feeling good about things.
This is where things took a turn for the worse. My date was suddenly ignoring me big time. We happen to be seated with one of my friends that happened to be a middle school love interest of my date. She went on and on about their relationship, first kisses and all. Keep in mind, this man had brought his current girlfriend. On top of that she was being a major bitch (her words not mine). One of my female friends wanted to kick her ass for ruining my night.
It got so bad I finally decided to take her home before she caught an ass whoopin'. I was pissed. My night sucked, I was embarrassed, and the girl I had a crush on basically showed me that she had no interest. Story of my life...right.
Prior to these happenings I had dedicated a song to her on the radio. I know, a bit corny. But, I'm a romantic...I can't help it. She told me that she was so embarrassed at the time. Now she says it was sweet and that I'm special because to date no other man has ever dedicated a song to her. I might be special...but I was nice and as such I got taken.
Well, here we are all these years later and she finally apologized for her behavior. She said that she was in love with some idiot (her words again) and that is why she treated me like shit at the prom. This same idiot would become her baby daddy and they haven't had much going on since. Needless to say, this guy was an ass hole. He took her heart, used her body, and then showed his true colors.
I was the nice guy again. Sure, I'm respectable, polite, caring, considerate, and more....but I come up empty handed with bad memories. To make matters worse, there were six other women that asked me to the prom. I'm not saying that it would have been the night of my life but it would have been better than it was. Nevertheless, the bad guy wins, the nice guy loses, and the chick doesn't figure it all out until it's too late. Damn...when will the madness end? The nice guy strikes again!!!!
What I've learned about marriage and Relationships
One thing I am able to take from my failed marriage is a more clear outlook on what I want in a mate and what to avoid. Don't misunderstand me. I loved my wife and still do. The pain of her infidelity is just too much to overcome. However, as I reflect I have come to see some issues that had I been more mature I would have looked out for.
The first issue is self-esteem. I don't think I will ever make a commitment to a woman with self-esteem issues. I'm not talking about the normal concerns that all folks have in lacking perfection. I'm talking about someone with serious self-image issues. My wife has those issues and I believe that is why she chose to stray. I believe she was looking to fill that void through the words and actions of another. My words were of little meaning as she believed I complimented her out of duty, rather than out of truth. No matter how many times I told my wife how beautiful she was it was never enough. To make certain that she knew I wasn't making up my feelings I detailed every part of her that I enjoyed. She just never bought it from me.
Keep the common things common. What I mean by this is that you must keep those things that brought you together in the forefront of the relationship. Early on, my wife and I were drawn together by love of music, love of cards, comedies, food, and militancy. As we matured our interest became spiritual. A good thing I might add. However, when we both visited the dark night of the soul there was nothing left in common between us. I was into politics, sports, literature, and action/thriller movies. My wife only wanted to laugh. She was trying hard to escape the realities of life by laughing her way through it. I like to laugh too, but I like a little variety from time to time.
Be on the same page sexually. I'm not talking about are we compatible and the need to test drive the car before you purchase it. I'm talking about do we have the same perspective on the issue? Are we both experimental? Are we willing to meet the other's needs (in reason)? Are we at the same level of drive? That type of stuff. My wife and I argued about sex a lot. There seemed to always be some issue in the way. Not to be vulgar, but I made sure that my wife got hers most every time. She would say that she was wore out, quivering, and couldn't stop the pulsating twitch from the action. I thought she was pleased. Yet, this did not increase frequency. Towards the end it was a done deal. Which was the physical manifesting the internal.
Know what you want and how you are going to get it before you get married. My wife was notorious for having champagne taste with beer money...hell, soda pop money at times. She wanted it all with no sacrifice. My wife had qualifications that would allow her to easily increase her yearly income by $20K if she would have only applied for such jobs. Yet, she gave all types of excuses as to why she wouldn't. Yet, she wanted a new kitchen, a new car, to be a stay at home mom, and eventually a new house in a new city altogether. I had worked hard to afford her the time to gain her credentials. Yet, she refused to use them. I couldn't get those credentials because the loss of income would have been too steep on my end. Despite all this, she complained about material items. While at the same time saying it's not about money...go figure. Be on the same page. If you want to live fly make sure you are both willing to do what it takes to be there.
I could go on but I will come back to this subject later. Take heed. It's important to be on the same page in a lot of places. You don't have to be the same person as your mate. But, you do have to be headed in the same direction.
The first issue is self-esteem. I don't think I will ever make a commitment to a woman with self-esteem issues. I'm not talking about the normal concerns that all folks have in lacking perfection. I'm talking about someone with serious self-image issues. My wife has those issues and I believe that is why she chose to stray. I believe she was looking to fill that void through the words and actions of another. My words were of little meaning as she believed I complimented her out of duty, rather than out of truth. No matter how many times I told my wife how beautiful she was it was never enough. To make certain that she knew I wasn't making up my feelings I detailed every part of her that I enjoyed. She just never bought it from me.
Keep the common things common. What I mean by this is that you must keep those things that brought you together in the forefront of the relationship. Early on, my wife and I were drawn together by love of music, love of cards, comedies, food, and militancy. As we matured our interest became spiritual. A good thing I might add. However, when we both visited the dark night of the soul there was nothing left in common between us. I was into politics, sports, literature, and action/thriller movies. My wife only wanted to laugh. She was trying hard to escape the realities of life by laughing her way through it. I like to laugh too, but I like a little variety from time to time.
Be on the same page sexually. I'm not talking about are we compatible and the need to test drive the car before you purchase it. I'm talking about do we have the same perspective on the issue? Are we both experimental? Are we willing to meet the other's needs (in reason)? Are we at the same level of drive? That type of stuff. My wife and I argued about sex a lot. There seemed to always be some issue in the way. Not to be vulgar, but I made sure that my wife got hers most every time. She would say that she was wore out, quivering, and couldn't stop the pulsating twitch from the action. I thought she was pleased. Yet, this did not increase frequency. Towards the end it was a done deal. Which was the physical manifesting the internal.
Know what you want and how you are going to get it before you get married. My wife was notorious for having champagne taste with beer money...hell, soda pop money at times. She wanted it all with no sacrifice. My wife had qualifications that would allow her to easily increase her yearly income by $20K if she would have only applied for such jobs. Yet, she gave all types of excuses as to why she wouldn't. Yet, she wanted a new kitchen, a new car, to be a stay at home mom, and eventually a new house in a new city altogether. I had worked hard to afford her the time to gain her credentials. Yet, she refused to use them. I couldn't get those credentials because the loss of income would have been too steep on my end. Despite all this, she complained about material items. While at the same time saying it's not about money...go figure. Be on the same page. If you want to live fly make sure you are both willing to do what it takes to be there.
I could go on but I will come back to this subject later. Take heed. It's important to be on the same page in a lot of places. You don't have to be the same person as your mate. But, you do have to be headed in the same direction.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Nice Guy Revisited
I can't get off the nice guys finish last soap box. I was having a conversation with a female friend of mine (white girl) about relationships and such. She was complaining about men, black men in particular, and how they haven't been honest with her. This continued on for a while. So I said, in the spirit of being a nice guy, why don't we go out. She was down. Some time passed and she even seemed excited about it.
Next thing you know...she disappears off the map. After about a week, and standing me up, she resurfaces. I told her not to worry about going out and that it was cool. She apologized for being immature and said that she is kind of talking to someone right now. I knew she was cause some new "NIGGA" started to show up on her FB page. And when I say "NIGGA" I mean "NIGGA."
Now, I can't help but thinking that if I was a thug nigga that nothing would have kept us from going out. I could be wrong, but that is my thought. Nevertheless, I'm sure things will run there course. She'll get done, get dropped, be hurt, and repeat the process all over again. Such is the way of the woman. As Tupac once asked...Do G's get to go to heaven? Well, I'm asking do nice guys get any play? The two may have the same answer and disappointment awaiting them.
Next thing you know...she disappears off the map. After about a week, and standing me up, she resurfaces. I told her not to worry about going out and that it was cool. She apologized for being immature and said that she is kind of talking to someone right now. I knew she was cause some new "NIGGA" started to show up on her FB page. And when I say "NIGGA" I mean "NIGGA."
Now, I can't help but thinking that if I was a thug nigga that nothing would have kept us from going out. I could be wrong, but that is my thought. Nevertheless, I'm sure things will run there course. She'll get done, get dropped, be hurt, and repeat the process all over again. Such is the way of the woman. As Tupac once asked...Do G's get to go to heaven? Well, I'm asking do nice guys get any play? The two may have the same answer and disappointment awaiting them.
This dating game
I have come to the firm conclusion that I need to either go up or down in the age bracket. I'm at a place where most women my age are ready for marriage. Should I say, they've been ready for marriage. Many of them have partied, been used, had babies, and are done with the just for kicks dating situation. I'm not on that right now. I'm on the, "A nigga just wants to have fun without committment" phase.
I understand why we are in different places. Had I not gotten married at such an early age and played the field for a while I would probably be ready to settle down myself. Instead, I'm fresh out the box and ready to go. On the other hand, many woman have been played enough and they are done with the games. They're looking to pounce on the first reliable stable guy they can find with a job and no criminal record. Hell, they might budge on the record if the man has a job.
This has caused me to think that I should go up in age. Older women...somewhere in the 40-50's range, are looking for something different. Many of them have been married and the thrill is gone. Or, they are married to there careers and they just want someone to hang out with and have a good time. The younger women are still in party mode. They haven't learned that men are complete dawgs and they aren't worried about it at this phase. They too, just want to have a good time.
We shall see how this all goes. I know all women don't fit into these categories. But, this is my simple hypothesis. I'll let you know if I change my mind. In the meantime, I'm on the hunt. Still learning how all this works. It has been an intersting journy thus far.
I understand why we are in different places. Had I not gotten married at such an early age and played the field for a while I would probably be ready to settle down myself. Instead, I'm fresh out the box and ready to go. On the other hand, many woman have been played enough and they are done with the games. They're looking to pounce on the first reliable stable guy they can find with a job and no criminal record. Hell, they might budge on the record if the man has a job.
This has caused me to think that I should go up in age. Older women...somewhere in the 40-50's range, are looking for something different. Many of them have been married and the thrill is gone. Or, they are married to there careers and they just want someone to hang out with and have a good time. The younger women are still in party mode. They haven't learned that men are complete dawgs and they aren't worried about it at this phase. They too, just want to have a good time.
We shall see how this all goes. I know all women don't fit into these categories. But, this is my simple hypothesis. I'll let you know if I change my mind. In the meantime, I'm on the hunt. Still learning how all this works. It has been an intersting journy thus far.
The Gym
I love the gym! There are so many things to do. So many things to see. So many things to think about. Today I was at the gym and a fine young black woman caught my eye. Not wanting to look creepy I went on with the business of my workout. A few minutes after our initial eye contact I was in a completely different section of the gym. She was off my mind cause I figured she was accompanied by one those big cock diesel niggas that was lifting in her vicinity. Ya know, the brothers that look like they live in the gym...
Anyway, this was not the case. She came sauntering out of the free weight area and walked right past me. We caught eyes...she smiled...and said hello. Keep in mind I've got the mp3 on playing as loud as it would go and I still heard her. She continued on out the door. I watched to see what car she got into. To my surprise she was whipping a fly Benz SUV.
Now, a hi might have just been a hi. But, there was a way that she slowed down and made certain I understood she was speaking that has a brotha wondering. I'm thinking to myself, "She looks like a catch. Thick in the middle. Flat up top. Naked ring finger. And, she's whippin' the Benzo." Of course, the giant steroid niggas was all looking from the back as they watched her exit. I knew she was fly.
Who's to say if I will ever see her again. The gym has a way of doig that. Since I've started I have seen any number of fly women with only a few return customers. There are black women, asian women, white women, and the always attractive multi-racial women. I'm a shy nice guy. I may never get to know any of these women beyond hello. But, they do offer a wonderful beauty that the gym does not offer on its own. And, they help motivate me to continue pushing so I may return the viewing pleasures they have afforded me. Man......I love the gym.
Anyway, this was not the case. She came sauntering out of the free weight area and walked right past me. We caught eyes...she smiled...and said hello. Keep in mind I've got the mp3 on playing as loud as it would go and I still heard her. She continued on out the door. I watched to see what car she got into. To my surprise she was whipping a fly Benz SUV.
Now, a hi might have just been a hi. But, there was a way that she slowed down and made certain I understood she was speaking that has a brotha wondering. I'm thinking to myself, "She looks like a catch. Thick in the middle. Flat up top. Naked ring finger. And, she's whippin' the Benzo." Of course, the giant steroid niggas was all looking from the back as they watched her exit. I knew she was fly.
Who's to say if I will ever see her again. The gym has a way of doig that. Since I've started I have seen any number of fly women with only a few return customers. There are black women, asian women, white women, and the always attractive multi-racial women. I'm a shy nice guy. I may never get to know any of these women beyond hello. But, they do offer a wonderful beauty that the gym does not offer on its own. And, they help motivate me to continue pushing so I may return the viewing pleasures they have afforded me. Man......I love the gym.
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